Archive | June 2014

Reasons You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~ Maya Angelou

Most of us walk through the world with the sole agenda of proving our self worth and purpose for being on this earth. While I know we all want to make a difference, and it’s becoming harder and harder to stand out in today’s crazy world of social media, I feel it’s my duty to remind you of why you have nothing to prove to anybody.

I’ll start by saying it simply.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.

A hard concept to grasp I’m sure, but it’s very true and only you can deny it. No one can tell you how much value you have to offer, and there are certainly to “guidelines” by which we can measure a person’s worth.

Where we all run into problems with issues around self worth and value is when we attach our sense of self to what we do and how well we do it. We incessantly compare ourselves to everyone else, which leads to feeling less than, and insufficient.
We learn that if we are attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, nice enough, giving enough or talented enough that we will be accepted and belong.

The idea of being accepted and loved for who we are without including what we “do” is a novel concept for all of us.

I’ll say it again in case it didn’t go in the first time.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I can say this without even knowing you because I truly believe that each and every person walking along side of me is worthy, valuable, perfect and enough.
Here are 5 more reasons you have nothing to prove to anybody.

1. Your standards are all that matter
Stop using others as a yardstick for what and who you need to be. Set your own standards for yourself, and if those are too high then check in with yourself about how you developed these unreachable ideas about yourself in the first place. Having realistic and attainable standards for who you are and how you want to walk through this world will keep you grounded in your own authentic worthiness.

2. External validation is fleeting
It feels good to get the gold star or affirmation from someone you respect or admire. No doubt that this is a good thing for anyone. However, this kind of validation is fleeting simply because it’s not yours to own. It’s on borrowed time, and if you don’t do your own work on owning your own value this goodness will slip away. You want to hold this part of yourself sacred so it’s always available when you need it.

3. You’ll never please everyone
There is a hamster wheel for everything in life, and that includes your desire to please others by proving yourself. There will inevitably be that one person who never really sees how great you are (usually a parent) leaving you going back to the empty well over and over. Know that your honorable acts of seeking approval will be futile with a few if not many.

4. You are good enough
You don’t have to be perfect or more than, you just need to be good enough. Good enough has to be determined by you, and you alone. Striving to be perfect or more than you need to be will exhaust you and ultimately leave you feeling defeated because it’s unsustainable.

5. Inadequacy is an internal experience
Recognize that your feelings of not being enough or needing to prove your worth are inside of you. You may experience the feelings when you are around other people, but it’s most likely a projection of your own internal struggle. Work on this in therapy or with a trusted mentor because feeling valued and worthy completely starts within.

What constitutes approval seeking behavior and why do you think so many people are after it?

I really want to know what are your thought on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂

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How to give up your inner critic

If you constantly tell yourself you how much you suck, how not pretty you are, how much smarter you should be, and how much more you should be doing, you are not alone. Every one of us has an inner critic, and success depends on breaking up with her and getting into bed with your true inner voice.
My inner critic shows up often and uninvited. Already, this morning, it told me I haven’t gotten enough work done yet (as I write this article), and that I should have had a healthier breakfast (when it was already healthy enough).
For most of my life, I believed that I was not good enough, that other people were smarter, prettier, more intelligent, more talented… I never acknowledged my successes because in my mind I could have done better. None of those accomplishments mattered because all I could hear was the negative chatter of not having done as much as everybody else.
The truth is, unless you learn to master this voice, you are never going to be satisfied with your life. This can lead to downright emotional exhaustion. You can become a doctor, earn millions of dollars, but if the voice inside tells you it’s not enough, you’re going to want to get another shiny degree, or become a billionaire and you still won’t be any happier once you get there.
Here are 5 ways to drown your inner critic and let the real you shine through.

1. Make a list of all your positive traits and successes

List 30 things that are positive about you. Then, list another 30 of your major successes. Keep this list close to you. Refer to it when your inner critic rears itself. Focusing on the positive qualities and successes helps you feel better about yourself, and feeling better about yourself makes you more productive, happier, and healthier.

2. Keep an inner critic page in your journal

Awareness is the key to beginning to curb your negative thoughts. Pay close attention to when your mind starts to trail off. Write down the thought in your journal so that you can begin to decipher thinking patterns and begin to shift them. A negative thought pattern may sound like “Gosh, I’m stupid. I’ll never do anything right. I can’t get it together. I’m a mess. I’m scattered. I’m not as good as she is. I’m a bad hostess.” Once you’ve got a list going, proceed to the next step.

3. Use thought rebuttals

We’re prone to making blanket statements about ourselves that aren’t true, hearing only what we want to hear when others compliment us, taking things personally, blaming ourselves for not being enough. We use ‘should’ and and ‘never’ without thinking of whether these things are true. Next time you write a negative thought in your inner critic page, ask yourself if it’s true? It most likely isn’t, so write down what is true. Learning to get in touch with reality will help your true voice come out.

4. Create 3 positive mantras from your list of positive qualities

Choose 3 positive qualities from your list. Create 3 positive affirmations you can recite to yourself. Or write them down on post-it notes and leave them on your bathroom mirror, in your car, or in your purse. Having a visual aid will help remind you there are some wonderful things about you even when you’re not feeling it.

5. Visualize a time when you felt successful

Think of a time when you felt successful. Recall the smells, colors, and feelings you felt that day. Visualization is a surprisingly powerful tool that helps reconnect you to a specific feeling, and the more you can connect to that feeling, the more you begin to see yourself as perfect the way you are.
It’s easy to disregard the good parts of you and minimize your accomplishments. But the more you can make space to find the positive, the more you grow, thrive, and become the human you were meant to become. Breaking up with your inner critic and learning to listen to your inner voice isn’t easy, and takes real effort and work, but doing the work and breaking free is the most powerful thing you can do to become your best self.

Example of an INFJ: Dan Howell

So I’ve been watching Dan’s videos on YouTube for a while now and it amazes me how much I can relate to pretty much all of his videos. As I learned more about MBTI and personality types, I think he’s a perfect example of an INFJ. Im an INFJ too and I recognize another one when I see him. Here are some videos that made me come to my conclusion:

There’s no question that he is an introvert. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t quite “enjoy” human interaction, calls himself “socially awkward,” and constantly points out that he spends a lot of his time at home and on his computer. He seems to enjoy spending time alone, and from what he says about himself, he makes himself out to be somewhat socially awkward and that he would rather be alone. INFJ’s are often perceived as extroverts, this could be why a lot of people seem to type him as an extrovert. Here he explains how he “doesn’t like interacting with other humans”:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Y-BM7fnM4

I immediately typed him as a feeler because he cares a lot about other peoples feelings and emotions and he is easily affected by other individuals feelings. This can all be found in this video… And Im very sure that he has extroverted feeling (Fe). He is way too expressive for an Fi.

In his “I’m A Mess” video he claims that he is usually a neat, organized and orderly person, which also makes me think he’s a J because (not to generalize or stereotype) but if you prefer a structured environment, it would make sense that you would be organized.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3yRo7pIp-E

INFJ’s are known to feel misunderstood and often question their sanity. Their thoughts tend to be very deep and philosophical, they often think about the world and the people in it. Other hints that lead me to think that he’s an INFJ come from these videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1jaY136B_k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6nuxmV6Zko

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDG342_AJVE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIdxjeqb2BA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hmsvqs9t7c

Of course I don’t know for sure if he’s an INFJ, it’s just my guess. To know it for sure I would have to make him do the test. What are your thoughts on this?

How to deal with criminality

I have found this on tumblr and it touched me so deeply I have to share it here.

I absolutely love this :’)

I wish this happened in our society.

In this African tribe, when someone does something harmful, they take the person to the center of the village where the whole tribe comes and surrounds them. 

For two days, they will say to the man all the good things that he has done.

The tribe believes that each human being comes into the world as a good. Each one of us only desiring safety, love, peace and happiness. 

But sometimes, in the pursuit of these things, people make mistakes.

The community sees those mistakes as a cry for help.

They unite then to lift him, to reconnect him with his true nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth of which he had been temporarily disconnected: “I am good.”

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia!

NABAJYOTISAIKIA, is a compliment used in South Africa and means: “I respect you, I cherish you. You matter to me.” In response, people say SHIKOBA, which is: “So, I exist for you.”

Fun side of spirituality

One of the common misunderstandings in the spiritual community is that spiritual people have to be serious. We have an image in our minds that a spiritual person is a bearded wise looking old man that has gone through lot in life.

We think that to be a true spiritual person we have to be vegetarian, we have to dress in a certain way, we have to talk in a certain way…

I’m going to tell you something. I consider myself to be a spiritual person. I’m now 19 years old and I have been interested in spirituality since I can remember. I always wanted to know the answers to the deep lives questions like “What is the meaning of life and existence itself? Is there a God? Are we alone in the universe?”… I have studied many philosophies and religions, but I have found the answers in the new age movement. I love the new age movement because it connects the ideas from many ancient practices, religions, science and new theories. Together it makes a wonderful mixture.

If I have learned something throughout the years of following many spiritual teachers, I’ve learned that the most important thing is to follow your excitement. If you are living your highest joy or excitement, you are being your natural self.  In that state you can effortlessly attract the things you need. So to put this spiritual truth even in even more simple words – the purpose of life is to have fun!

So who said that spiritual people have to be serious? I think its the contrary! In fact, the most spiritual people I know are also the funniest people I know. With great spiritual wisdom comes childlike innocence and playfulness. Wise people don’t take life too seriously. They don’t forget to have fun.

Spirituality is best practiced with humility and playfulness, like kids in a sandbox exploring the boundaries of imagination and possibility. Fun is a pathway to enlightenment, by lightening your anxiety, loosening your attachments and letting go of the need to be right.

I think that the main reason why not so many young people in my age are attracted to spirituality is that it seems boring to them. Young people just want to have fun. And since the stereotype is that spirituality is serous and deep, it doesn’t seem to be attractive to them. I agree that religious people tent to be serious, but in this article I’m talking about the new age type of spirituality.

I am young, I am interested in spirituality and I also enjoy having fun. I don’t think these two things contradict each other. I like parties, I like listening and dancing to modern music, I like doing random weird stuff and be crazy. And I don’t think it makes me a less spiritual person. When I enjoy it, it cant be wrong.

So I encourage you to have fun! Do whatever feels good to you at any given moment and stop caring what other people may say about you. This is your life, so make it amazing!