Reasons You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~ Maya Angelou

Most of us walk through the world with the sole agenda of proving our self worth and purpose for being on this earth. While I know we all want to make a difference, and it’s becoming harder and harder to stand out in today’s crazy world of social media, I feel it’s my duty to remind you of why you have nothing to prove to anybody.

I’ll start by saying it simply.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.

A hard concept to grasp I’m sure, but it’s very true and only you can deny it. No one can tell you how much value you have to offer, and there are certainly to “guidelines” by which we can measure a person’s worth.

Where we all run into problems with issues around self worth and value is when we attach our sense of self to what we do and how well we do it. We incessantly compare ourselves to everyone else, which leads to feeling less than, and insufficient.
We learn that if we are attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, nice enough, giving enough or talented enough that we will be accepted and belong.

The idea of being accepted and loved for who we are without including what we “do” is a novel concept for all of us.

I’ll say it again in case it didn’t go in the first time.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I can say this without even knowing you because I truly believe that each and every person walking along side of me is worthy, valuable, perfect and enough.
Here are 5 more reasons you have nothing to prove to anybody.

1. Your standards are all that matter
Stop using others as a yardstick for what and who you need to be. Set your own standards for yourself, and if those are too high then check in with yourself about how you developed these unreachable ideas about yourself in the first place. Having realistic and attainable standards for who you are and how you want to walk through this world will keep you grounded in your own authentic worthiness.

2. External validation is fleeting
It feels good to get the gold star or affirmation from someone you respect or admire. No doubt that this is a good thing for anyone. However, this kind of validation is fleeting simply because it’s not yours to own. It’s on borrowed time, and if you don’t do your own work on owning your own value this goodness will slip away. You want to hold this part of yourself sacred so it’s always available when you need it.

3. You’ll never please everyone
There is a hamster wheel for everything in life, and that includes your desire to please others by proving yourself. There will inevitably be that one person who never really sees how great you are (usually a parent) leaving you going back to the empty well over and over. Know that your honorable acts of seeking approval will be futile with a few if not many.

4. You are good enough
You don’t have to be perfect or more than, you just need to be good enough. Good enough has to be determined by you, and you alone. Striving to be perfect or more than you need to be will exhaust you and ultimately leave you feeling defeated because it’s unsustainable.

5. Inadequacy is an internal experience
Recognize that your feelings of not being enough or needing to prove your worth are inside of you. You may experience the feelings when you are around other people, but it’s most likely a projection of your own internal struggle. Work on this in therapy or with a trusted mentor because feeling valued and worthy completely starts within.

What constitutes approval seeking behavior and why do you think so many people are after it?

I really want to know what are your thought on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂

Introvert cat meme

I have never seen a meme that describes me better than this cat. I feel like this cat understands me perfectly. Here is a collection of best images I have found:

26 Signs You’re A Highly Sensitive Person

26 Signs You’re A Highly Sensitive Person

Amazing article 🙂 Worth the read.

How to give up your inner critic

If you constantly tell yourself you how much you suck, how not pretty you are, how much smarter you should be, and how much more you should be doing, you are not alone. Every one of us has an inner critic, and success depends on breaking up with her and getting into bed with your true inner voice.

My inner critic shows up often and uninvited. Already, this morning, it told me I haven’t gotten enough work done yet (as I write this article), and that I should have had a healthier breakfast (when it was already healthy enough).

For most of my life, I believed that I was not good enough, that other people were smarter, prettier, more intelligent, more talented… I never acknowledged my successes because in my mind I could have done better. None of those accomplishments mattered because all I could hear was the negative chatter of not having done as much as everybody else.

The truth is, unless you learn to master this voice, you are never going to be satisfied with your life. This can lead to downright emotional exhaustion. You can become a doctor, earn millions of dollars, but if the voice inside tells you it’s not enough, you’re going to want to get another shiny degree, or become a billionaire and you still won’t be any happier once you get there.

Here are 5 ways to drown your inner critic and let the real you shine through.

1. Make a list of all your positive traits and successes

List 30 things that are positive about you. Then, list another 30 of your major successes. Keep this list close to you. Refer to it when your inner critic rears itself. Focusing on the positive qualities and successes helps you feel better about yourself, and feeling better about yourself makes you more productive, happier, and healthier.

2. Keep an inner critic page in your journal

Awareness is the key to beginning to curb your negative thoughts. Pay close attention to when your mind starts to trail off. Write down the thought in your journal so that you can begin to decipher thinking patterns and begin to shift them. A negative thought pattern may sound like “Gosh, I’m stupid. I’ll never do anything right. I can’t get it together. I’m a mess. I’m scattered. I’m not as good as she is. I’m a bad hostess.” Once you’ve got a list going, proceed to the next step.

3. Use thought rebuttals

We’re prone to making blanket statements about ourselves that aren’t true, hearing only what we want to hear when others compliment us, taking things personally, blaming ourselves for not being enough. We use ‘should’ and and ‘never’ without thinking of whether these things are true. Next time you write a negative thought in your inner critic page, ask yourself if it’s true? It most likely isn’t, so write down what is true. Learning to get in touch with reality will help your true voice come out.

4. Create 3 positive mantras from your list of positive qualities

Choose 3 positive qualities from your list. Create 3 positive affirmations you can recite to yourself. Or write them down on post-it notes and leave them on your bathroom mirror, in your car, or in your purse. Having a visual aid will help remind you there are some wonderful things about you even when you’re not feeling it.

5. Visualize a time when you felt successful

Think of a time when you felt successful. Recall the smells, colors, and feelings you felt that day. Visualization is a surprisingly powerful tool that helps reconnect you to a specific feeling, and the more you can connect to that feeling, the more you begin to see yourself as perfect the way you are.

It’s easy to disregard the good parts of you and minimize your accomplishments. But the more you can make space to find the positive, the more you grow, thrive, and become the human you were meant to become. Breaking up with your inner critic and learning to listen to your inner voice isn’t easy, and takes real effort and work, but doing the work and breaking free is the most powerful thing you can do to become your best self.

Example of an INFJ: Dan Howell

So I’ve been watching Dan’s videos on YouTube for a while now and it amazes me how much I can relate to pretty much all of his videos. As I learned more about MBTI and personality types, I think he’s a perfect example of an INFJ. Im an INFJ too and I recognize another one when I see him. Here are some videos that made me come to my conclusion:

There’s no question that he is an introvert. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t quite “enjoy” human interaction, calls himself “socially awkward,” and constantly points out that he spends a lot of his time at home and on his computer. He seems to enjoy spending time alone, and from what he says about himself, he makes himself out to be somewhat socially awkward and that he would rather be alone. INFJ’s are often perceived as extroverts, this could be why a lot of people seem to type him as an extrovert. Here he explains how he “doesn’t like interacting with other humans”:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Y-BM7fnM4

I immediately typed him as a feeler because he cares a lot about other peoples feelings and emotions and he is easily affected by other individuals feelings. This can all be found in this video… And Im very sure that he has extroverted feeling (Fe). He is way too expressive for an Fi.

In his “I’m A Mess” video he claims that he is usually a neat, organized and orderly person, which also makes me think he’s a J because (not to generalize or stereotype) but if you prefer a structured environment, it would make sense that you would be organized.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3yRo7pIp-E

INFJ’s are known to feel misunderstood and often question their sanity. Their thoughts tend to be very deep and philosophical, they often think about the world and the people in it. Other hints that lead me to think that he’s an INFJ come from these videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1jaY136B_k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6nuxmV6Zko

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDG342_AJVE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIdxjeqb2BA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hmsvqs9t7c

Of course I don’t know for sure if he’s an INFJ, it’s just my guess. To know it for sure I would have to make him do the test. What are your thoughts on this?

How to deal with criminality

I have found this on tumblr and it touched me so deeply I have to share it here.

I absolutely love this :’)

I wish this happened in our society.

In this African tribe, when someone does something harmful, they take the person to the center of the village where the whole tribe comes and surrounds them. 

For two days, they will say to the man all the good things that he has done.

The tribe believes that each human being comes into the world as a good. Each one of us only desiring safety, love, peace and happiness. 

But sometimes, in the pursuit of these things, people make mistakes.

The community sees those mistakes as a cry for help.

They unite then to lift him, to reconnect him with his true nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth of which he had been temporarily disconnected: “I am good.”

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia!

NABAJYOTISAIKIA, is a compliment used in South Africa and means: “I respect you, I cherish you. You matter to me.” In response, people say SHIKOBA, which is: “So, I exist for you.”

Fun side of spirituality

One of the common misunderstandings in the spiritual community is that spiritual people have to be serious. We have an image in our minds that a spiritual person is a bearded wise looking old man that has gone through lot in life.

We think that to be a true spiritual person we have to be vegetarian, we have to dress in a certain way, we have to talk in a certain way…

I’m going to tell you something. I consider myself to be a spiritual person. I’m now 19 years old and I have been interested in spirituality since I can remember. I always wanted to know the answers to the deep lives questions like “What is the meaning of life and existence itself? Is there a God? Are we alone in the universe?”… I have studied many philosophies and religions, but I have found the answers in the new age movement. I love the new age movement because it connects the ideas from many ancient practices, religions, science and new theories. Together it makes a wonderful mixture.

If I have learned something throughout the years of following many spiritual teachers, I’ve learned that the most important thing is to follow your excitement. If you are living your highest joy or excitement, you are being your natural self.  In that state you can effortlessly attract the things you need. So to put this spiritual truth even in even more simple words – the purpose of life is to have fun!

So who said that spiritual people have to be serious? I think its the contrary! In fact, the most spiritual people I know are also the funniest people I know. With great spiritual wisdom comes childlike innocence and playfulness. Wise people don’t take life too seriously. They don’t forget to have fun.

Spirituality is best practiced with humility and playfulness, like kids in a sandbox exploring the boundaries of imagination and possibility. Fun is a pathway to enlightenment, by lightening your anxiety, loosening your attachments and letting go of the need to be right.

I think that the main reason why not so many young people in my age are attracted to spirituality is that it seems boring to them. Young people just want to have fun. And since the stereotype is that spirituality is serous and deep, it doesn’t seem to be attractive to them. I agree that religious people tent to be serious, but in this article I’m talking about the new age type of spirituality.

I am young, I am interested in spirituality and I also enjoy having fun. I don’t think these two things contradict each other. I like parties, I like listening and dancing to modern music, I like doing random weird stuff and be crazy. And I don’t think it makes me a less spiritual person. When I enjoy it, it cant be wrong.

So I encourage you to have fun! Do whatever feels good to you at any given moment and stop caring what other people may say about you. This is your life, so make it amazing!

Spiritual reasons to love your body

Physical body is a machine and a vehicle for a physical experience. Our body is the vehicle we have chosen for a particular type and kind of physical experience which we call the human experience. It can also be seen as our consciousness manifested in human form. Each and every vehicle is worthy, because it serves it’s purpose. We did not come to this Earth so we would compete who came with the best looking vehicle! 😀 It sounds funny but we are doing exactly the same thing when we compare our bodies.

There are no accidents and the way our bodies look like is no exception to this rule. We choose our physical appearance before coming to this life. We design our bodies in a way that corresponds to what kind of experiences we want to have in this lifetime.

When someone wants a life in which he is a famous singer or an actor and influences a lot of people, he will intentionally choose a body that corresponds to standards of beauty in that particular society. When someone wants to have an experience of being a model, she will design a body that enables her to do such a job. Teal Swan said in one interview that she remembers how before her birth, her and a group of other beings designed her body so it will be considered beautiful in all parts of the world. Her intention for this life was to reach as many people with her teachings as possible. And humans naturally pay most attention to what is attractive.

But when someone wants to have an experience as an ordinary working person, he/she doesn‘t need to look like a model. Most of us choose a normal appearance that doesn‘t stand out from a crowd. In such case we can live our life in a normal way and our appearance is not a big problem for us. Some people even choose an appearance that is considered highly unattractive. They do it because this condition gives rise to the biggest expansion in their lives. Out of the biggest contrast comes the highest level of awareness. Even a disability is something that we choose. We, the ones who came to this earth healthy, often don‘t understand why would someone choose such a limiting experience. But a physical disability can teach you a lot in life. Take for example Nick Vujicic. This is the story of him I found on the internet:

Imagine getting through your busy day without hands or feet. Picture your life without the ability to walk, care for your basic needs, or even embrace those you love. Meet Nicholas Vujicic. Without any medical explanation or warning, Nick was born without arms and legs. And yet, the Vujicic family was destined to cope with both the challenge and blessing of raising a son who refused to allow his physical condition to limit his lifestyle.

The early days were difficult. Throughout his childhood, Nick not only dealt with the typical challenges of school and adolescence, but he also struggled with depression and loneliness. Nick constantly wondered why he was different than all the other kids. He questioned the purpose of life, or if he even had a purpose. According to Nick, the victory over his struggles, as well as his strength and passion for life today, can be credited to his faith in God. His family, friends and the many people he has encountered along the journey have inspired him to carry on, as well.

Since his first speaking engagement at age 19, Nick has traveled around the world, sharing his story with millions, sometimes in stadiums filled to capacity, speaking to a range of diverse groups such as students, teachers, young people, business professionals and church congregations of all sizes. Today this dynamic young man has accomplished more than most people achieve in a lifetime. He’s an author, musician, actor, and his hobbies include fishing, painting and swimming.

Nick says, “If God can use a man without arms and legs to be His hands and feet, then He will certainly use any willing heart!”

So at the end, it does not matter what our bodies look like. You could be dying of cancer, you could have a physical disability and you could still love your body. It is all about perspective.

Me & Dancing & Sports

There are certain things in this life that I am good at. Hell, even great at. I’m a good painter. I’m good at writing. I like to think I’m alright at putting outfits together. I am a nice person and get on with most people. I was always a fast and competent reader as a child. I can paint my nails really well, and I don’t even care if that doesn’t count because MAN ALIVE have I seen some terrible manicures in my time.

But one thing I am totally, utterly and unbelievably terrible at is dancing.

I’m soo bad that when I was 8 years old I got kicked out of a dancing class. Probably you’re asking yourselves how exactly does a 8 year old get kicked out from a class? Let me tell you how: I attended this course for little girls where we learned how to dance. My mom used to be a professional dancer when she was younger, so she was very excited to put me in this class in hope that one day I will become a dancer too. But soon her dreams were crashed because I’m nothing like my mom. I might be the worst dancer in existence. I couldn’t get any steps right. My movements weren’t fluid and when I danced it just looked horrible. Worse than horrible. I danced like I was being attacked by a horde of bees.

My teacher and other kids saw that I’m extremely bad at dancing, but at the beginning they were optimistic that it will get better over time. But I attended this course for over a year and no sign of improvement could be seen. I annoyed my dance instructor every single time. She yelled at me in front of everyone and singled me out. Every other kid in class hated me because I was the reason why the teacher had to repeat each dance move at least 3 times more and I still never got it right.

One day we had to perform in front of quite a big audience. All of our parents, friends and relatives were here. When we were performing I was in the corner, but it didn‘t help because after a while I became the center of everyone‘s attention. No one was paying attention to girls that were dancing normally anymore. Everyone was staring and pointing their fingers at me asking themselves: “What is wrong with that girl over there? What is she doing?” I literally screwed up every single dance move I could and I looked like a totally retarded person.

It was not the adorable kind of awkward where you would say: “Oh, she’s just shy, it’s her first performance, at least she’s trying, that‘s cute.” It was more like: “What the hell is wrong with this girl? What does she think shes doing? Someone kick her out so she stops ruining this dance for everyone”. After our failed performance, my teacher came to me and told me and my mom that she wishes I stopped attending this dance class. She was trying to be polite but I could sense that what she meant by this is that I’m so bad at dancing that it’s painful to look at me and to teach me anything is completely impossible. My mom was disappointed because I won’t be following her footsteps and I was disappointed in myself too, because I failed at everything. On the other hand I was quite happy that I didn‘t have to attend that course anymore because I hated it every single second of it.

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Since this incident happened, I avoided dancing as much as I could. I haven‘t danced until I was 15 years old and we had dancing lessons in high school. These lessons were designed to teach young people how to ballroom dance so we know how to dance in formal situations with a partner. I don‘t know what was I thinking when I agreed to attend these lessons. Probably I forgot how bad it was when I was 8 years old. But after my first dance lesson in school I knew that I haven‘t gotten any better. I again couldn‘t get any steps right.

Everyone seemed to get it quickly and I was the only one standing there with a WTF face not knowing what to do. It got even worse after a few lessons when we had to dance with partners. It was always so awkward when the dance instructor told the guys to come to girls and ask them to dance. All guys were so shy and they were just standing there and looking at girls like were the scariest creatures ever. But after some time they got used to it and all girls had dance partners. Except for me. I was always the only one that no guy ever asked for a dance (which after seeing my dancing “abilities” is perfectly understandable). So I usually ended up in a pair with the dance instructor himself. And that was the horror. Because now I couldn‘t hide in a corner and act like I don‘t exist. Instead I had to stand in the middle of a huge hall and the dance instructor was teaching the steps on me. And that was so embarrassing. Everyone could see how bad I am and I couldn‘t understand how to repeat the steps he was showing me. I could hear some people in the audience laughing at my awkwardness. I felt like a complete piece of shit. And this happened many lessons in a row. Every single time we were asked to find dance partners, I was the only one without a partner so I always ended up with the instructor and I always embarrassed myself in front of more than hundred people. My school reputation was before very bad but after this, I became the center of everyone‘s jokes. For me it wasn‘t funny at all. 

When the lessons ended after a few months, I was relieved. Did I learn something? NO. Until this day I have absolutely no idea how to do waltz, tango, quickstep, anything… And I guess that I never will.

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I’m terrible at every damn sport I play. In school during sport lessons we usually played volleyball, football or basketball. But I have a problem:

I can’t shoot in basketball, or dribble.

I can’t catch or throw a damn football.

I can’t even hit the ball in tennis.

Seriously, I just am the worst sports player ever. It’s so annoying when everyone’s looking at you and you drop a football, an easy catch and everyone starts laughing at you. I embarrassed myself in front of people countless times because of this.

The teacher always picked two captains and let them choose people for their teams. And guess who always got picked as the last one? You guessed well, it was me… EVERY SINGLE TIME. Because the team I was in automatically lost just because of me. There were no exceptions to this rule. During those 8 years I spent playing team sports with my classmates, there was not one single time a team I was in won.

I think my horrible sports skills should be considered as a special power. I have never seen anyone who would always manage to screw everything up so magnificently. Even the teachers were always amazed by my inability to catch a ball and when they saw me playing for the first time, they looked with this stare like they‘ve never see anything like this before.