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Hi! I’m back

 Yes, I’m alive. I know I haven’t posted anything on this blog for 2 years and for that I apologize. I do not expect to have any readers at this point so I don’t care if no one ever sees this, I’m just writing this for myself.

I’ve decided to write something here because writing has always been my passion. I’ve had a blog since I was a teenager and nothing makes me happier than reflecting on things and writing my thoughts down. But I haven’t done much writing in the past two years. A few years ago I’ve tried to manage a website. I was pressuring myself to publish articles at least 3 times a week. Soon enough I ran out of ideas. I didn’t know what to write about, so I had to force myself to do it and it wasn’t fun at all. Writing didn’t make me happy anymore because I was forcing myself to write even when I wasn’t in the mood. That’s why I would always stop publishing articles after some time and take a long break.

This break lasted 2 years and a lot of things in my life have changed. I’m not the same person that was there 2 years ago. I’ve gone through things that changed me forever. I don’t live in the same environment as I did 2 years ago, I surround myself with different people and some of my values and priorities have changed. I got into my first relationship, I’ve put all my time and trust into this relationship, moved in with this person, planned my future with this person only for this relationship to fall apart in the most unpleasant way. This has left me in a personal crisis for almost a year.

But after analysing and getting through the trauma of a difficult relationship I have gotten back on track. I once again recognize the importance of self awareness and self reflection. When I was in a relationship, I expected the other person to fulfil all of my needs and I didn’t work on myself at all. After the relationship fell apart and left me devastated,  I had no other choice than to come back to myself. I had to put the broken pieces of myself back together. I started to dig deeper and deeper and look for the real reasons why I act the way I act. I’m basically doing the same thing I did 2 years ago but on a much deeper level. I’m once again looking for my core beliefs and examining my motives. I almost forgot how much fun I had while doing it. But at the same time it is exhausting and I have to reserve special time in my day to question my thought, my motives and my emotions.

Self awareness takes a lot of effort and hard work. To be self aware is not something that you reach one day and you can retire for the rest of your life. Self awareness is a lifelong practice. If one wants to be self aware, he has to commit to it 100%.

During the last few months I’ve spent a lot of time doing shadow work. I have put together an entire word document I’ve called “Self awareness document” that now has over 130 pages. It contains a lot of self reflection, a lot of questioning of beliefs, examining of values. The only goal of the document is to bring the subconscious of my mind to the light of consciousness and to deliberately change my beliefs so they work in my best interest. A lot of the information in this document is very private, but I believe that some chapters might be useful for others as well, so I’m going to share a few of them with you in the future.

If you’re wondering why am I making so many grammar mistakes, it’s because English is not my first language. My native language is Slovak and in the past few years I have concentrated  on studying German and Spanish and my English has greatly suffered. That’s one of the main reasons why I haven’t posted on this website for so long – I’m a perfectionist and I don’t like to put out content that not 100% grammatically correct. I haven’t spoken English in a while and I know my English is rubbish. But hopefully you get what I’m trying to say even when I don’t write like a native speaker would. Now I care a lot less about being grammatically correct, about publishing regularly and writing articles that attract a lot of people. I’m not going to put so much pressure on myself anymore. I have only sat down to write this because I’m excited to do so and writing makes me happy. My happiness is my number one priority so I don’t care what anyone else thinks and I’m going to put out what I want, when I want it and how I want it.

So, the point of this article is to let you know I’m still alive, I might from time to time publish an article if I’m passionate about doing so and I’m looking forward to share some life lessons and discoveries I’ve made in the past 2 years with you :).

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Me & Dancing & Sports

There are certain things in this life that I am good at. Hell, even great at. I’m a good painter. I’m good at writing. I like to think I’m alright at putting outfits together. I am a nice person and get on with most people. I was always a fast and competent reader as a child. I can paint my nails really well, and I don’t even care if that doesn’t count because MAN ALIVE have I seen some terrible manicures in my time.

But one thing I am totally, utterly and unbelievably terrible at is dancing.

I’m soo bad that when I was 8 years old I got kicked out of a dancing class. Probably you’re asking yourselves how exactly does a 8 year old get kicked out from a class? Let me tell you how: I attended this course for little girls where we learned how to dance. My mom used to be a professional dancer when she was younger, so she was very excited to put me in this class in hope that one day I will become a dancer too. But soon her dreams were crashed because I’m nothing like my mom. I might be the worst dancer in existence. I couldn’t get any steps right. My movements weren’t fluid and when I danced it just looked horrible. Worse than horrible. I danced like I was being attacked by a horde of bees.

24 Absolutely Unexplainable GIFs

My teacher and other kids saw that I’m extremely bad at dancing, but at the beginning they were optimistic that it will get better over time. But I attended this course for over a year and no sign of improvement could be seen. I annoyed my dance instructor every single time. She yelled at me in front of everyone and singled me out. Every other kid in class hated me because I was the reason why the teacher had to repeat each dance move at least 3 times more and I still never got it right.

One day we had to perform in front of quite a big audience. All of our parents, friends and relatives were here. When we were performing I was in the corner, but it didnt help because after a while I became the center of everyones attention. No one was paying attention to girls that were dancing normally anymore. Everyone was staring and pointing their fingers at me asking themselves: “What is wrong with that girl over there? What is she doing?” I literally screwed up every single dance move I could and I looked like a totally retarded person.

It was not the adorable kind of awkward where you would say: “Oh, she’s just shy, it’s her first performance, at least she’s trying, thats cute.” It was more like: “What the hell is wrong with this girl? What does she think shes doing? Someone kick her out so she stops ruining this dance for everyone”. After our failed performance, my teacher came to me and told me and my mom that she wishes I stopped attending this dance class. She was trying to be polite but I could sense that what she meant by this is that I’m so bad at dancing that it’s painful to look at me and to teach me anything is completely impossible. My mom was disappointed because I won’t be following her footsteps and I was disappointed in myself too, because I failed at everything. On the other hand I was quite happy that I didnt have to attend that course anymore because I hated it every single second of it.


Since this incident happened, I avoided dancing as much as I could. I haven‘t danced until I was 15 years old and we had dancing lessons in high school. These lessons were designed to teach young people how to ballroom dance so we know how to dance in formal situations with a partner. I dont know what was I thinking when I agreed to attend these lessons. Probably I forgot how bad it was when I was 8 years old. But after my first dance lesson in school I knew that I havent gotten any better. I again couldnt get any steps right.

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Everyone seemed to get it quickly and I was the only one standing there with a WTF face not knowing what to do. It got even worse after a few lessons when we had to dance with partners. It was always so awkward when the dance instructor told the guys to come to girls and ask them to dance. All guys were so shy and they were just standing there and looking at girls like were the scariest creatures ever. But after some time they got used to it and all girls had dance partners. Except for me. I was always the only one that no guy ever asked for a dance (which after seeing my dancing “abilities” is perfectly understandable). So I usually ended up in a pair with the dance instructor himself. And that was the horror. Because now I couldnt hide in a corner and act like I dont exist. Instead I had to stand in the middle of a huge hall and the dance instructor was teaching the steps on me. And that was so embarrassing. Everyone could see how bad I am and I couldnt understand how to repeat the steps he was showing me. I could hear some people in the audience laughing at my awkwardness. I felt like a complete piece of shit. And this happened many lessons in a row. Every single time we were asked to find dance partners, I was the only one without a partner so I always ended up with the instructor and I always embarrassed myself in front of more than hundred people. My school reputation was before very bad but after this, I became the center of everyones jokes. For me it wasnt funny at all. 

When the lessons ended after a few months, I was relieved. Did I learn something? NO. Until this day I have absolutely no idea how to do waltz, tango, quickstep, anything… And I guess that I never will.


I’m terrible at every damn sport I play. In school during sport lessons we usually played volleyball, football or basketball. But I have a problem:

I can’t shoot in basketball, or dribble.

Slam Dunk Fail

I can’t catch or throw a damn football.

At Least You Tried

I can’t even hit the ball in tennis.

Seriously, I just am the worst sports player ever. It’s so annoying when everyone’s looking at you and you drop a football, an easy catch and everyone starts laughing at you. I embarrassed myself in front of people countless times because of this.

Too bad, so sad

The teacher always picked two captains and let them choose people for their teams. And guess who always got picked as the last one? You guessed well, it was me… EVERY SINGLE TIME. Because the team I was in automatically lost just because of me. There were no exceptions to this rule. During those 8 years I spent playing team sports with my classmates, there was not one single time a team I was in won.

I think my horrible sports skills should be considered as a special power. I have never seen anyone who would always manage to screw everything up so magnificently. Even the teachers were always amazed by my inability to catch a ball and when they saw me playing for the first time, they looked with this stare like theyve never see anything like this before.

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My socially awkward moments – Part 3

Another part of my series of articles about my socially embarrassing situations. Read part 1 and part 2.


I have to confess that I have another very bad habit. I sing a lot. I know, theres nothing wrong with singing. Unless you do it too much. My family got already used to it. Its considered perfectly normal in our house when I randomly start singing and shouting. I perform every day in the shower:

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Me and my sister love to sing together, it’s our favorite thing to do on weekends.


The problem is that I love singing too much. Sometimes I get an uncontrollable urge to sing. And the worst thing is when that happens in a public place. In such case I have no choice but to repress this urge as much as I can.

But sometimes Im walking on a street when I feel a strong desire to sing. The street looks empty, no one is around. So I take a risk and start singing. Usually I dont get caught, but it happened to me a few times that out of nowhere, a person appeared a few meters from me. Its like they literally manifested out of nowhere, and of course, theyve heard me singing. In this situations I feel extremely uncomfortable. As much as Im okay when my family hears me singing, when a stranger hears me singing, I feel like I want to disappear out of this world.

I just walk away and act like nothing happened.

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One time an awkward moment happened when I was casually having my concert while home alone. I sang my favorite songs REALLY LOUDLY. Suddenly the door bell rang and I went to open the door. It was a postwoman. She had this weird grin on her face while she was giving me my letters. As she was leaving, she told me that I have a nice voice and I should audition for X-Factor. Till this day I have no idea if she really meant it or it was supposed to be sarcasm… But I felt really awkward afterwards. I should have realized that the whole street could hear me when I was singing.

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One thing I hate is doing presentations in front of people. Sadly you cant avoid them while you’re in school. Im always extremely awkward when I speak in public. I tend to have nervous tics, I stutter, I mumble words which make no sense or forget everything that Ive learned.

I could tell you many awkward stories about how I failed my presentations, but one of them really stands out. Once I actually ran away in the middle of my presentation and went to the bathroom. Yes, you read well. My presentation was so poor and so very bad. I stuttered at every word, I forgot almost everything I wanted to say and I was so red in my face like a tomato. I choked hard and stood there, completely quiet, with my face searching for something I couldn’t find really hard, while my eyes were just staring at people with this blank face. You guys should’ve heard the ABSOLUTE SILENCE while I was struggling horribly to find something to say…

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People were just gawking at me with their eyes and mouths open……

Aladdin Genie agape jaw drop

The longer I was standing here trying to remember something and save this awkward situation, the worse I was feeling. And the more I needed to go to the bathroom… Ive literally felt like I was going to vomit in front of everyone. So what did I do? I did what I know best: I ran away.

Nope Octopus

Without saying a word I stormed out of the class, shut the door and ran to the toilet. I bet everyone was just sitting there with their mouths open asking themselves what did just happen. Everyone already knew that I was awkward, but no one expected me to run away so suddenly. The teacher sent another girl to the toilet to check if Im alright. I wasnt alright of course. I felt like vomiting, crying and ending my life at the same time. After I calmed down a little bit I wasnt sure what to do next. Should I return to the classroom and finish my presentation? Or should I return, sit on my place and act like nothing happened? When I came back to class, no one forced me to finish my presentation anymore. Thankfully, no one was laughing at me, they all looked at me like they were regretting me probably thinking: “Poor girl, she has a serious problem. I wouldnt want to be on her place”. Well, this story is maybe more sad than funny…


Ill admit it. My thoughts are really weird. If someone could see what is happening in my head, they would think I‘m psycho.

I do remember once, a long time ago, I was in class and I was staring really hard at this pencil.

And the guy next to me is like: “Hey… what are you doing…?”
Me: “Well, I was trying to imagine what it would be like if the only two entities in the universe were me and this pencil.”

The way he looked at me…

Woah!


I never know how to handle eye contact… I tend to swing between two extremes. In social situations involving conversations, either my gaze is lost in space, fixed on some random point while nonetheless listening to whoever’s talking (at least for the first five seconds if it’s something I’m supposed to be listening to, less if I don’t care, and more if I do, but yeah, I inevitably drift off), or, I look directly into their eyes, which does take conscious effort. This means I don’t blink for a prolonged period of time, and the look I give, as it’s been described to me by others, suggests either that I’m planning to kill them or that I’m ripping their mind or soul open (or something to that effect)…I had a staring contest with a friend, she ended up freaking out a bit and continuously asking me to please blink. My reply: “Hold on, I’m pushing for a new personal record.” It appears hostile, in any case, and yet I don’t mean it. But I do tend to avoid eye contact with strangers, sometimes even acquaintances, or pretend I didn’t see them.

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Another weird thing that I do a lot is that I make corresponding facial expression to my inner conversations. It happens to me all the time. Walking on a street, sitting in a bus, in a classroom… I‘m having an interesting conversation with myself in my own head and I don’t realize that the emotions I feel so deeply inside are evident on my face. This makes other people think I’m completely insane.


The thing I struggled probably the most with during my time in school was solving math problems in front of the entire class. Dont get me wrong, Im not stupid and math wasnt a big problem for me. The problem I have is that when I am called to perform in front of people, I suddenly forget everything I know, even my own name. If you asked me how much is 2+2, I would probably just look at you with a stupid gaze on my face and the answer wouldnt hit me. Thats how bad it is.

Ive had a panic attack every single time a teacher called me to solve a math problem in front of a blackboard.

It always resulted in public humiliation. The weird thing about it was that the teacher knew that I wasnt stupid and math really isnt the problem. I used to get best grades in tests. But in front of a whole class I acted like I was retarded.

After a few failed attempts, the teacher realized that I probably wont get better at it. So the funny thing was that each member of the class solved something on the blackboard and the only person who always got left out was me.


A situation that happens to me a lot:

Person: Oh my god, I love your dress! The color really suits you!
Me: Thanks! I like yours too. It’s, um…

(Internal dialogue: it suits her? No, she just said that to you, it’ll sound like you’re copying her. Nice color? Not only did she say that to you, but you’ve already said that to at least four different people today, you can’t just go around saying the same compliment to everyone. Good things about dresses, good things about dresses… damn, what are some good things about dresses? Cut? No, only people who are actually in the fashion business can talk about “cut” without sounding stupid. Size? No, always gets misconstrued as a fat joke. That decorative thing on the front? You don’t even know what it’s called! Damn, she obviously realizes by now that you’re struggling to come up with something…)
Me: I have no more compliments left!
Person: …Ooookay.

I honestly did like the dress.

Being an INFJ

Recently I have been doing  research on being an INFJ. If you dont know what INFJ means, its one of the 16 MBTI personality types. You can find a very detailed description of an INFJ here. There is also a great video that explains our personality perfectly:

And here is a video called “Pure INFJness” which is very accurate:

I even created an entire tumblr blog dedicated to INFJ personality type: http://perksofbeinginfj.tumblr.com/. I post here things which are relatable to INFJs. It is a glipse into our minds.

The information I have found during my research is definitely relatable to my own life. When I read these posts and articles I am literally reading with an intense jaw-dropped face. Every description of an INFJ personality is me in a nutshell. 

I have decided to contribute to many other posts other INFJs have written about their lives. This one is about the advantages and disadvantages of being an INFJ. Like any other personality type, it has its positives and its negatives. I definitely enjoy being an INFJ, I wouldnt change my personality type even if I could. Its not always easy to have such a rare and widely misunderstood personality, but our lives are definitely not boring.

I hope this information will be helpful for you, if youre an INFJ you will most likely be able to relate to most of the points and if youre another personality type, I hope this post will help you to understand us better. 

What I love about being an INFJ:

  • I am intensely self aware. Because I am constantly thinking, analyzing each one of my thoughts and discovering all of my motivations, I know my strengths and weaknesses. I like myself more every year because I know myself more every year and the more I get to know who I am, the more control over I have in making myself who I want to be. If I couldn’t talk and argue with myself every waking hour, I would go truly insane. I love being able to explore myself, my motivations and desires honestly. And obviously I like doing it to other people as well.
  • I love how friendly I am. I just like being nice to people. I love how I can surprise every day people with my kindness – as if it’s nothing they’ve ever seen before.
  • I love my ability to think the way I do. I like that I think analytically and I like that I think creatively.
  • I love my imagination. It’s endless.
  • I love my intuition. I rely on it more than on anything else. And it never disappoints me. Sometimes I feel like I’m psychic.
  • I love my understanding of people and being empathetic enough to truly understand and help them. Being able to see through “fake” or untruthful people and their lies. I love how I can meet someone and instantly know if this person is worth getting to know or not.
  • I can always see right through situations and most people to the core of things. I have great radar and gut instincts.
  • I love it that people are drawn to me and feel good to tell me about their deepest feelings and concerns, even though we may have just met. I love to listen to people, to guide them and help them.
  • I love my ability to listen, and not just listen… but completely absorb what others are saying.
  • I like my camouflage ability to blend in with different groups of people.
  • I like my ability to form lasting relationships and deep bonds with people.
  • I actually enjoy being a perfectionist – everything being neat and orderly is relaxing. I like my capacity to do and finish something if I put my mind to it.
  • I love my honesty. I can’t seem to be anything but honest. I simply can’t lye. Maybe sometimes I don’t tell the whole truth when I know that the other person is not prepared to hear it, but I always mean what I say.
  • I have the power to motivate anyone to strive for their goals, if they’re children, people my age, older people, whatever… I have become extremely good to debate every part of why they aren’t living their life. Being able to see the potential in others and even myself is really inspiring and when people tell me about their dreams, goals and future plans I can’t help but smile and usually get more excited than they are about it.
  • I love my own company. I like the peace I can find in being alone. Thinking back there’s literally never been a time when I’m alone where I’ve wished that someone else was with me. I hardly ever feel lonely because I live so much in my head.
  • I love my ability to express myself well through writing.
  • I love my dedication to make the world a brighter place. I love how excited I am to make a difference.

What is not so great about being an INFJ:

  • I feel everything those around me feel. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. It’s not even empathy. I literally feel exactly what you feel. Even if you are trying to hide it or don’t express your feelings, somehow I still know. The weird part is that I don’t have to be in the physical presence of someone to feel their emotions. I can hear a news story, I can read a book, I can watch a movie. I can’t stand horror movies because of how strongly and realistically I feel the emotions of the people on the screen. I avoid the news. I block out negative stories people tell. I skip magazine articles. It’s not that I am trying to be ignorant to the pains in the world, but I physically can’t handle the excess of emotions.
  • I can’t control my facial expressions. Every emotion I feel is spread obviously across my face or it shows on my body language. It can prove to be extremely embarrassing sometimes.
  • I have no sense of how others see me. This is a paradox because I can read people very well. I tend to know who to trust or who to dodge. I can tell if someone is nervous, concerned, intimidated even if they are trying to hide it. The weird thing is that I literally have no clue if someone likes me or what they could be thinking of me at any given moment. Its very frustrating. Just imagine being able to gauge someone just by looking at them and then looking in the mirror and seeing a giant question mark. That’s what it’s like. My life’s joy and entertainment is from observing and figuring people out and the person I am supposed to know the best is the one that puzzles me most. Ah the irony.
  • I am very sensitive to negative words and criticism. I know I feel as though I have failed somehow or I am distorted if I am criticized. I have been working on trying to not take things so hard.
  • I think the things most people talk about are boring. I’m always testing people to see if I can talk to them about the things that really matter to me (usually I can’t). I’d rather have one person in my life who gets me than dozens of people who just know me. I know my friends better than they know themselves (but I can’t tell them that). I’d rather use conversation to talk to someone about their true thoughts and feelings (but this doesn’t happen at group dinners or parties, so I avoid these things).
  • I’m a perfectionist and I obsess over little things, like how the decorations in my room look or what clothes I should wear. I spend more time on projects than I let on to other people.
  • And probably the worst thing about being an INFJ is not being understood. Since we are such a rare personality type, other people cant relate to us. We are often describes as weird, complex, paradoxical, too deep… While part of me enjoys being somewhat of a puzzle that no one will ever figure out, sometimes I just wish people could just understand certain things about me. For instance, everyone thinks I am lonely because I would rather sit home and read a nice book, then go out and socialize. Everyone thinks I am depressed because I don’t walk around with a mile-wide grin on my face. There are many misunderstandings that we INFJs must face. 

Birthday

It’s your birthday. The one day of the year that is yours. Birthdays make you think about your life. They make you reflect, even if you don’t want to.

It was this time last year when I completely redesigned my life. I decided I wanted to create a new me, a new lifestyle, so one year down the track, it’s my birthday again and I am on that journey. What have I learnt?

To achieve what you want to achieve and get what you want out of life takes dedication and commitment over time. That is the recipe.  Those who are successful are the ones that are doing what they are passionate about and they stick to it and keep doing it. Do what you love, because if you don’t, that dedication over time through something that you are bitter about is not going to be good for your health.

LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOUR EMOTIONS

You must listen to your emotions. Make your own happiness your priority. Ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? If you’re feeling good, it means you’re on the right track and you’re going to achieve your dreams. If you’re feeling negative emotion, it means that the vibration that you are offering isn’t in alignment with your true self and therefore it isn’t in alignment with your desires. But don’t resist your negative emotions. When you’re feeling bad, it doesn’t mean that you have failed or something has gone terribly wrong. Its just an alarm that you are off track. Embrace your negative emotions, let them deliver their message. Once you clearly get the message, negative emotions have no reason to stick around any longer!

You have to make each day a good day. We are rushing around trying to achieve so much and do so much, then wonder where the time went and why we are so tired. Make each day a great day, and create the energy you need by getting the balance right through your focus, good thoughts and a healthy lifestyle.

Birthdays are a day of the year when you get to decide, “Am I on the right track?’ Am I doing what I love?”
I can honestly say that I love what I am doing, and I am so passionate about sharing these things with you. I am loving the path that I am on, and being on a journey that I can share with you the knowledge that I learn along the way. Life is short, you have to do what you love, and love what you do.

MY HIGHLIGHTS OF BEING 18

Here are a few highlights that have happened over the year:

  • I successfully graduated high school.
  • I went to Dubai.
  • I started my first year of collage.
  • I’ve changed my mind about what I want to study million times :D.
  • I’ve figured out what is my purpose on this planet (hopefully).
  • I’ve learned many new things especially from Abraham, Bashar and Teal.
  • I started to love myself and appreciate myself more.
  • I’ve realized that I am the creator of my reality more deeply.
  • I’ve gained so much self awareness.
  • I started this blog :).
  • I’ve met amazing people online :).
  • I went to Teal’s workshop :).
  • A lot of synchronicities happened.
  • I can see now that the universe loves me and supports me in every way.

And what are my plans for the future? I want to practice positive focus and appreciation more often. I want to wake up in the morning and spend my first few minutes of the new day appreciating. I want to stop obsessing so much about self love and rather become “The self that loves”. In other words, I want to stop looking for love outside of me. I want to become the vibration of love instead and then self love becomes very natural and easy.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that my 19. year on this planet will be the best so far! 🙂

False self vs. Real self

Teal released a new video on false self vs. real self yesterday. It got me thinking about myself and my life. Do I really know who I am or do I just think that I know who I am?

It is true that many of us dont know who we truly are. As Teal says in the video “We have created false selves that are so good at what they do; even we have mistaken them for ourselves. We have a major problem differentiating between our false self and our real self. ”

I know that this is very true. I did exactly the same thing. When I was very little I learned to distrust my emotional guidance system. I felt something, but my parents told me I shouldnt feel this way. So I thought that something must be wrong with me. I began to feel ashamed for my true self. In order to avoid punishment I created a false self. Thanks to this false self I have gotten reward and I was accepted to society. After some time I started to identify with my false self so deeply that I completely forgot who I really am. I have mistaken my false self with my real self.

I identified with my false self until I was 14 years old. Then suddenly something has awakened within me and I started to question myself. I started to ask myself questions like: “Who am I? , What am I doing here?, What is the purpose of my life?, What do I like and what do I dislike?”. I realized that I know nothing about myself. Everything that other people told me about myself was not true. It wasnt true because it didnt feel good to me.

This is a list of things I used to identify with and other people used to identify with me:

  • I am shy and antisocial.
  • I dont have my own opinions.
  • I have no special gifts and talents.
  • I have good grades and I am a hard worker.
  • I am moral and I conform easily.
  • I follow societys rules and do what people tell me to do.

For many years I thought that this is who I am. This is what my parents, my friends, classmates and everyone I knew told me about myself.

Once I started to question myself, I could see that none of these things are actually true for me. I wasnt born shy. My shyness is a result of self constriction and of my fear to fully express myself. I am not antisocial. I love to communicate with people and built deep bonds with them. I just didnt have friends at that time because of my belief that no one would find me interesting enough to have me as a friend. And its not true that I have no gifts or talents. I was just too afraid to express them. Im good at painting, writing, Im a good listener, I give good advice to people, I am very empathic and creative… I just didnt know these things about myself because I never tried them. And the biggest lie of all: I have no opinions. This is absolutely not true for me. I have so many opinions on all aspects of life. I didnt express them to others because I was afraid that they will think I am crazy.

At the core of my being I am not conformative and I dont like following societys rules. I am a non conformist and a visionary. I believe that most systems we have on this planet now need to be reformed. I think that many rules that we have in this society are highly illogical and nonsensical. I love to come up with new ideas how our world could function in a new and brighter way.

I started to explore what I like and what I dislike. For example, all my life I thought that I dislike the color pink. Everyone around me hated pink and said that liking pink makes you a shallow girly girl that only cares about her own appearance. Of course I didnt like to be seen as a shallow girly girl so every time someone asked me if I like pink, I said no. I didnt wear pink, I didnt buy anything that has a pink color on it. But then in the process of questioning myself I discovered that I actually love pink! Now what? Does it make me a bad person? I have realized that there is nothing wrong with color pink. It represents love, compassion, nurturing and caring. It fits my real personality perfectly. Now I am not ashamed to wear pink. I actually painted my room pink and I love it. And since I don’t consider myself shallow and attention seeking, no one has ever called me that! 🙂

Another surprising thing I discovered about myself is about the music that I like. I used to think that I dislike mainstream pop music. I thought that pop is only for stupid party people and Im surely not one of them. Its true that I dislike 70% of songs they usually play on the radio, but from time to time, I find a mainstream pop song that I like. Sometimes I get mad at myself for liking something I shouldnt like. It took me some time until I accepted this part of myself. There is nothing wrong with that. And I also had to face the fact that I like many music genres at the same time. Most people have their one favorite genre. But me not. I like almost all types of music, even the ones that should contradict themselves! 😀 I like classical music, but I also like popular music. I love chill out music, new age music, mantras and meditation music, but I also love metal :D. I also dont mind rock music and sometimes I listen to rap. I adore celtic music, oriental music, indian music, arabic music… I like almost anything when it comes to music! I still dont understand how is that possible. I dont know how can someone like so many music genres at the same time, but I do like them and I cant do anything about it. I just have to accept that I like many things.

Pursuing the path of self discovery takes a lot of courage. Mostly we find out, that everything we thought we know about ourselves is wrong. Its like we lived our lives in illusion. We have to give in to uncertainty and be able to question everything we think we know about ourselves. At the end its worth it! A man who doesnt know who he truly is cant be truly happy. Only someone who knows who he is and follows his dreams and his emotional guidance system can know what happiness is. Thats why pursuing the path of self discovery is the most risky and also the best thing you could ever do for yourself! Now is the time to question everything we think we know about ourselves!

My life path number

I have stumbled across numerology and found out that there is such thing as life path number.

The Life Path is the sum of the birth date of an individual. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

This is a number that is derived from all the numbers in your birth date. The Life Path number is established from the date of birth. First, convert the month to a single number, then add this individual digit, the birthday, and the individual digits of the birth year. The individual digits are again added together, as necessary to reduce the sum to a single digit 1 through 9, or to the numerology “master numbers,” 11 or 22. These master numbers are not reduced any further.

The life path number is calculated from your complete date of birth (mm-dd-yyyy).
1) For example my date of birth: April 28, 1995 (4-28-1995).
2) Add all the digits of your month, date and the year (all 4 digits of the year) together.
3) In this case, add 4+2+8+1+9+9+5 = 38. Keep adding till you get a number from 1-9, 11, 22 or 33.
4) So, add the digits in 38, i.e., 3+8 = 11.
5) Hence in this case, the life path number is 11.

Out of curiosity I calculated mine and then I read descriptions of my life path on the internet. I was very surprised because the descriptions could not be more accurate. I encourage everyone to calculate their life path number, it can be very helpful and it can give you clarity about your purpose in life.

This is what I found about my life path number on the internet:

Positive Personality Aspects of Numerology Number 11

The numerology number eleven is one of the special numbers known as a master number. As a master number this number vibrates at a higher frequency than other numbers. As such, there is a great deal of power that comes with this master number.

The Master Number 11 is usually called The Illuminator, The Messenger or the Teacher, as those with this Master Number are here to be inspirational guiding lights, to bring illumination to others and to help raise spiritual awareness.

In numerology, the number eleven is known for their strong sensitivity and empathic ability along with a high level of intuitive perception. These individuals are here to inspire others and they usually do this by offering the information and messages that their guides, higher self, and inner voice provides. They are here to uplift humanity, and that’s a very difficult role to fulfill, but one which brings with it a great deal of both external and internal reward.

As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. People born with the life path number 11 are spiritually illuminated individuals who possess spiritual knowledge much beyond the reach of another average mortal. They are a source of inspiration for many. They are people who are often misunderstood in life and have to face the wrath of the world. Number 11 people are true visionaries whose ideas and concepts are accepted and idealized not instantly but over a gradual period of time.

The Master Numbers possess huge potential. They are highly charged, difficult to deal with and require time, maturity and great effort to integrate into one’s personality. Master Number 11 people are very powerful, and have volunteered to incarnate to help the human race.

Thus, people born with the life path number 11 are visionaries who are extremely enthusiastic about their dreams and ambitions. They are people with a spiritual high, loved and respected by many. Though they can be misunderstood and put down, their enthusiasm makes sure that their dreams are fulfilled, if not instantly but at least later in their life.

The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life’s mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close.

Negative Personality Aspects of Numerology Number 11

Being at such a high vibration is very difficult. The 11/2 walks the fine line between greatness and self destruction. This number can be given over to fear and phobias or soar to the heights of the enlightened.

The master number eleven is associated with being hyper-critical of one’s own situations and talents. Self-expectations are high in this number and those who are ruled by number eleven would do well to learn to make those self expectations a little more realistic. When expectations are realistic and can be achieved there is little worry that the numerology number eleven will fall prey to self destruction.

Individuals with a birth chart containing numerology number eleven should also try to be careful with their planning skills. When there are no plans for the future, no direction to go, these individuals can become overly frustrated and begin to lose confidence. It’s not unusual for truly lost number elevens to find themselves sinking into the despair of depression.

Another weak point that numerology number eleven is associated with the need to be cautious with diet and the nervous system. This is especially true when a person has the eleven life path. Even without the number appearing in the life path, the typical number eleven has a very sensitive physical body that needs a great deal of nourishment in both the form of food and in the form of physical affection. Having a balanced diet is a necessity; otherwise the nervous system can get out of whack.

A person who is ruled by numerology number eleven, as a spiritual messenger, does tend to have a strongly intuitive mind. They can be very psychic. The number eleven must learn when to offer their insights and when to ethically keep those insights to themselves. After all, as hard as it is to believe, not everyone wants help and, in fact, most people would rather wallow in their own self pity as opposed to do something about their problems. The job of master number eleven, the spiritual messenger, is to pass along information and insights, but not worry about if others choose to act on the information.

In order for master number eleven to make the most of its power the person wielding it will need to focus a great deal on self mastery and perfecting their talents, skills, and abilities. Like the one, there is natural leadership ability, and like the two there is a need to find and bring balance to others.