Archive | January 2014

Marijuana and Spirituality (Does Pot/Weed/Cannabis Enhance Spirituality?)

Wonderful video! I absolutely agree. I always thought the same:)

AngelicView

By Teal

Pot, otherwise known as cannabis or marijuana, is considered a spiritual medicine and has been used asTealScott such since 2000 BC because it is a psychoactive drug. Pot is considered psychoactive because it can alter one’s state of consciousness. Altering one’s consciousness helps them to break free of illusion and the restriction of limited perception.

The number one benefit of cannabis is that it helps people to release resistance. By affecting the brain like it does, it inhibits the brain from focusing on and translating the resistant, stressful thoughts that cause a negative emotional response within the body. This is why it is so effective at reducing stress. And this is also why it is so effective for the use of pain management. Pain is a symptom of resistance. By causing a person to release resistance and “flow downstream with life” a person is free to be who…

View original post 261 more words

Relationships as mirrors

I have realized that all my life I have been looking at other people in a very selfish way. I was not interested in them, I was not listening what they had to tell me. I was only paying attention to my own problems and to my own insecurities.

When I interacted with people, I did not see them as equals. I always seen myself as something less than them. I have always been afraid of their judgement. I was afraid to express myself. I thought that when other people are judging me in a negative way it must mean that I am worthless. I believed I was worthless so much that I have never shared my opinions and things I was excited about with anyone. I kept everything to myself.

Today I have realized that this kind of behaviour is completely illogical.

I know that I am a part of All that is, a part of infinite creation. I know that the truth of existence is oneness. The one is all and all is one.

Our lifes are nothing but mirrors. They reflect to us our own vibrations. Just as we look in a glass mirror, we understand that the person we see is not actually in the mirror. All the light is reflected back to us, that’s how we see the reflection. That means the mirror contains nothing. Physical reality is exactly that way. There is nothing out there. It’s all reflected back. It’s all us.

So when other people look at me, they do not see me as I really am. They see the version of myself they have created. They see me as the reflection of their own selves.

So anything that anyone says about me has nothing to do with me. Only I decide who I am. Other people can not define me. Because my reality is a reflection of my own belief systems. What I see in other people are the qualities which I contain.

I think that the most beautiful and beneficial way on how to look at other people is to look at them as the reflection of our own selves. We have to understand that we are all part of the same creation. We are all one consciousness expressing itself subjectively. We are all mirrors and teachers for each other.

The way we most benefit from relationships is when we realize that what we hate/love about the other person is what we hate/love about ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to integrate all the parts of our identity that are out of alignment with our true selves. Thanks to the sacred mirror which all relationships are we can easily recognize what we resist within our beings.

Every person has something to teach us. Everyone is a storyteller. Everyone has a unique perspective, a unique experience. When we look at people in this way, we stop being so selfish. We now listen to their stories with genuine interest and learn the lessons we have to learn. We can also help them in this way. Because when we let go of all the insecurities and all the resistance within ourselves, we see people in the way they truly are. We hold the perspective of the source. We are unconditionally loving. And unconditional love is the cure to all our problems.

Image

UFO witness declaration – Bashar

According to Bashar this text is made to be spread but not to be altered as it has been infused with energies:

UFO WITNESS DECLARATION

FACT: From 1982 to 1985, large triangular and boomerang-shaped UFOs were reported over the Hudson Valley by over 7,000 credible witnesses, including police and officials at the Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant.

FACT: In 1989 and 1990, large triangular and rectangular unidentified flying objects, one the size of an aircraft carrier, were reported over Belgium by over 2,000 witnesses, including police and military personnel.

FACT: In 1997, multiple sightings of a mile long boomerang-shaped UFO were reported over the state of Arizona by over 10,000 witnesses, including police, military personnel and Republican Governor Fife Symington.

We make no claims as to the nature or origin of these UFOs. However, those who have taken the time and effort to conduct serious, in-depth investigations into these reports know that these sightings are of real, physical crafts and are indisputable FACTS. Thousands of such sightings of physical crafts of unknown origin have been reported throughout the world for decades by credible witnesses, yet most who report such sightings are treated with ridicule, disbelief, scorn and even threats.

In light of the facts, we who have witnessed such unexplained crafts no longer accept this cynical mindset as realistic or credible.

Those of us who are witnesses to the UFO phenomenon know they exist for a fact. This is not an issue of speculation for such witnesses. However, we do not insist that non-witnesses must believe such objects exist, only that witnesses be treated with respect and that we deserve the same fairness and courtesy afforded to any individual or group who honestly expresses their point of view without fear of ridicule, punishment or persecution.

Recent polls clearly demonstrate that more than 50% of Americans believe that UFOs are a real phenomenon that deserves legitimate recognition and serious study by open-minded, qualified scientists, rather than being summarily dismissed as misperceptions, fantasies, hoaxes or hallucinations by cynical, unqualified debunkers. Over 36 million Americans have seen a UFO.

To put this statistic in political terms, these witnesses are also voters.

Therefore, we urge all who agree with the spirit of this declaration to send copies of this letter to their representatives, public officials, the media, the police, the military, airline officials, NASA and all candidates running for any public office to assure them that our votes will go only to those who acknowledge the UFO phenomenon as real and deserving of serious scientific investigation and who publicly endorse fairness and respect toward any witness who reports a UFO.

My personality type – INFJ

I did the Meyers Briggs personality test last year and I discovered that I am an INFJ. I did the test at least 10 times on different sites and I always got the same result. When I first read the description I was totally surprised how accurate it was. I could not describe myself better. I always felt like I was strange and no one is like me. Discovering that there is a group of people who think and act like me made me feel less lonely.

I finally appreciate my personality and see it in a good way. Here is the most accurate analysis I found on the internet:

6392d12c8dd6484ac3da873da57a445e

The INFJ is a deep, complex type, seldom seen and little understood.  As introverts, they are content to keep inside their inner world, intriguing those who try to probe their gentle but inscrutable exterior.  Is there a way into this inner realm?  Perhaps, perhaps not; when it comes to relationships, INFJs choose quality over quantity.  They prefer to build close, intimate bonds with a chosen few and invest deeply in this select group of people.

While INFJs may be seen as withdrawn or even secretive, the truth is that they care quite a bit about what others think of them–sometimes too much.  They take criticism very personally, and may be unintentionally hurt by others.  When this happens, an INFJ may hold their hurt inside and let it stew, never really expressing how they feel.  Instead of confronting the person who hurt them, they may take the less painful route and simply avoid the other person or even cut them off entirely.  Other people may see the INFJ as “too sensitive,” while the INFJ for their part sees others as “unsensitive.”

Like other NF Idealists, the INFJs are committed to a better tomorrow.  Quiet but determined, INFJs will continuously press to make everyone’s life a little bit (or a lot) better.  An INFJ may write an article to spread awareness of domestic violence, or volunteer at an animal shelter.  People-focused and possibility-oriented, they see a brighter world in the distance and work to make it a reality.  It is their Intuition, focused on ideas, possibilities and the future, and their Feeling, focused on building harmonious relationships, that drives this world-reforming engine.

With their tendency to hope for better things, INFJs may be perceived as overly idealistic, stubbornly principled, or “naive.”  It is true that INFJs can benefit from the input of other types in their attempts to reach their goals, but in general their idealism is a good thing for a cause.  Their sincere belief in their vision serves as an inspiration to more cynical folks who would otherwise say, “It’ll never change” or “this is hopeless” and give up.  And of course, those who never try, never succeed.  With a pinch of practical wisdom and knowhow from other types, an INFJ can cover their weak points and make an effective agent of change in the world.

It is difficult to broadly classify INFJs as either right-brained or left-brained since they utilize both sides of the brain with equal adeptness. INFJs are both creative and responsible, artistic and logical, spiritual and scientific, intuitive and analytic.

INFJs grow up feeling “different” from their peers. The more pronounced their Introversion and Intuition, the more estranged they are likely to feel. Young INFJs also feel misunderstood by their elders, who can be quick to ignore or dismiss their precocious insights and observations. If given unsympathetic circumstances, INFJs may come to feel isolated or rejected rather early in life.

INFJs are “old souls.” They grow up feeling far wiser than would be predicted by their chronological age. Some may experience themselves as wiser than their teachers or parents. They may take on the role of counseling and advising their friends and siblings, or even their adult family members, from an extraordinarily young age.

INFJ kat

Having discovered the benefits of their Introverted Intuition (Ni) quite early in life, INFJs grow to trust its judgments and insights. Their Ni often works through dreams or premonitions that turn out to be startlingly prescient. While others may at first be skeptical of INFJ’s powers of insight or foresight, many will come to see them as psychic or prophetic, or at least highly perceptive.

images (5)

Because of their strong powers of intuition, many INFJs report feeling like aliens in the world. One INFJ described her experience as almost a constant feeling of deja vu, since her intuition is constantly foreseeing the future before it unfolds. Other INFJs report feelings of disembodiment, as though their body is independently moving through space while they watch from without. The fact is that many INFJs experience the world and their bodies in radically different ways than other types. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs or others to question their sanity.

infj_poster_by_lainaangouleme-d5o0aax

INFJs see two people in everyone. They see the public persona, the outer shell, that everyone else sees. But they don’t stop there. Their Se and Fe functions pick up subtle non-verbal cues which are then synthesized and interpreted by their Ni. This provides them with information about an individual’s inner world that is completely missed by other types. Because of their keen perceptiveness, INFJs are rarely fooled by facades or fakery. They can readily see beyond appearances and apprehend an individual’s deeper motives and intentions, including any underlying ego issues. In fact, INFJs can often see the truth about people more clearly than those people can see it in themselves. It is no wonder that many INFJs can make a decent living by hanging a “Psychic” sign on their front door.

32580797274610036_27cx6Oy7_c

Growing out of their distrust of first-blush appearances, INFJs are reluctant to trust majority opinion. They are often the last to read a bestseller, feeling that if everyone else (i.e., the majority of whom are prone to being fooled by appearances) thinks it is good, it probably is not worth their time. Like INTs, however, INFJs can be suckers for a good conspiracy theory, appealing to their sense that “most things are not what they seem.”

82753711872902865_1ahzye3l_c

A misconception about INFJs is that because they prefer Feeling they are less likely to be interested in intellectual endeavors. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, some of the most intellectually-inclined people I know are INFJs. They rival and resemble INTs in their level of openness and hunger for new ideas and perspectives. In some regards, they may actually eclipse INTs with regard to intellectual openness, readily appreciating both science and literature, fiction and nonfiction, poetry and prose.

INFJ made

INFJs often think by way of images. The visual nature of their minds is germane to their creativity, ingenuity, and ability to generate and wield metaphors. While other types are thinking in words or concepts, INFJs understand through “seeing.” Their Ni functions as a proverbial bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind. And since the subconscious is filled with primitive images, it is no wonder that INFJs swim in a sea of vivid dreams and imagery.

INFJ25_large

INFJs also tend to be purists and classicists. Many enjoy collecting antiques, historical artifacts, old first edition books, rare art, or anything that satisfies their thirst for what they perceive as pure or classic works. For similar reasons, they may find themselves captivated by a certain period in history, a specific genre of music, or a handpicked selection of actors or writers. In selecting a novel, would far prefer a known classic to a new bestseller. Similarly, if they are going to wear shoes (which according to recent research, most INFJs do), they want the shoes to be of high quality and a classic, rather than trendy style. If selecting artwork for display in their home, they most would opt for an original over a print.

Despite their refined tastes, INFJs are typically not pretentious or excessively serious individuals. They regularly enjoy spending time with other people, listening to music, and watching movies (especially “classics”). Perhaps more than anything, INFJs love spending time engrossed in meaningful conversation. Because of their verbosity and enjoyment of others’ company, they can easily be mistaken for Extraverts.

INFJ%20love

Many INFJs struggle with bouts of depression, which may relate to any number of things. They may, for instance, get depressed when they feel their creative inspiration has left them. Or, because of their otherworldliness, they may struggle with feeling deeply alone and misunderstood. Depression may also stem from feeling dissatisfied in their careers or relationships. They may dream of having a beautiful home adorned with beautiful things, but feel stuck in a low-paying job that they are reluctant to quit because of a poor economy.

For INFJs, expressing themselves through their Fe is critical to their psychological and physical health and well-being. Even if doing so does not provide them with immediate solutions to the problem at hand, they tend to feel better once they have expressed their feelings, whether through words or tears. This is especially important for the mates or friends of INFJs to recognize. Namely, INFJs are usually not looking for others to solve their problem, but only to offer support, empathy, and reassurance. Without such an outlet, INFJs can begin to feel isolated and depressed, turning to their inner fantasy world as a means of escape. And while fantasizing may seem helpful in the short-term, it usually makes the real world seem even less tolerable and can exacerbate existing frustrations toward life.

frabz-INFJ-When-the-world-sucks-make-a-new-one-f64c3d

Even if not to the same extent as EFJs, INFJs can be warm, welcoming, and endearing. They genuinely want to please and help others, working to ensure that people are getting along and are well cared for. They tend to be loyal, giving, and self-sacrificing. At the same time, however, INFJs are forward-thinking, goal-oriented, and independent-minded. As Introverts, they need time to themselves to recharge their proverbial batteries. This creates an ongoing, even lifelong, struggle for INFJs. Namely, trying to balance their own needs, values, and desires against those of others.

infj-personality-type-famous-people-i12

INFJs have a reputation for being the strongest perfectionists of all the personality types. Their perfectionistic bent makes sense in light of their functional stack, with their Ni supplying the vision and their Fe/Se wanting to see it actualized.

INFJs are harder on themselves than they are on anyone else. Their Fe makes INFJs more than willing to forgive the offenses and shortcomings of others. But since they see themselves as more insightful and wise when it comes to human behavior, they rarely grant themselves the same degree of grace. They figure that if they are unable to perfectly embody their theories and ideals, then why should they expect anyone else to. And if their ideals have no chance of being actualized, then why even bother? Without the ability to maintain hope in their ideals, INFJs may feel they have no reason for living. This is why it feels so important for them to act perfectly. INFJs know they have been entrusted with much, so they expect much more from themselves than they do from others.

As mentioned earlier, INFJ are masters when it comes to reading people and their motives. The Ni/Fe/Se combination, whether occurring in INFJs or ENFJs, is adept at detecting and interpreting human emotions. Not only are INFJs adept a surveying and reading emotions, but they are highly skilled at solving people-related problems.

68594a8cddf248696f8346cf089bff2b

When it comes to people and humanitarian issues, INFJs typically feel they have answers, or at least have the capacity to generate one. INFJs feel that in order to solve the myriad humanitarian crises facing the world, we must first gain a better foothold on the fundamentals of human nature and human behavior. We need to better understand ourselves—our motives, behaviors, and personality.

INFJ-Think

INFJs often feel happiest and most fulfilled when helping others solve their problems. They also enjoy receiving new insights into people as they going about helping them. INFJs are least content when they become too caught up in themselves and their own personal grievances. This is why healthy relationships and/or a well-suited career are so vital to INFJs’ satisfaction. If they feel bored or stagnated in their work or relationships, they have been known to engage in destructive behaviors to produce a problem to solve.INFJ deep

Because of their love for proferring advice and solving people-related problems, INFJs are commonly drawn to careers such as ministry, counseling, and teaching. Others may opt to work toward social change in politics or non-profit work.

39403b6e17f4705eeb955616067da62f

INFJs may well be the most profoundly creative of all types. When engrossed in creative flow, they experience themselves in perfect synchrony with the universe. Some have described this as a trance, an altered state of consciousness in which they morph into a vessel of creative energy. Others have likened it to divine inspiration or being visited by muses. Such metaphors speak to the power of the creative process for INFJs. When engrossed in a creative stint, they may write for hours, occasionally even days, without rest. They may feel that, should they stop, they will lose out on the wealth of insights that are effortlessly flowing through them.

Metaphor, the primary offspring of a fertile Ni, is INFJs’ bread-and-butter tool for communication, allowing them illustrate their ideas in an easy-to-swallow format. In contrast to INTs’ bent toward linguistic parsimony, INFJs prefer to dress up their ideas, invigorating and embellishing them with descriptive metaphors. It is interesting to note the degree to which Se details shows up in their verbiage; INFJs not only want others to see their point, but to hear it, feel it, taste it, and smell it. A good INFJ friend of mine and student of the culinary arts cannot help but use food metaphors on a routine basis.

Although INFJs are commonly drawn to music, visual arts, design, or architecture, writing may well be this type’s signature creative talent. Adept at channeling their right-brain creativity into a fluid and engaging left-brain storyline, INFJs are unmatched in their feel for and creative use of the written word. Since writing is largely an intuitive enterprise, INFJs who can readily access their Ni muses can enjoy a great advantage in this particular craft.

writing

How to change a belief

Last time I told you what beliefs are. Today I am going to tell you how to consciously change a belief. This process is based on Teal Scott’s teachings on how to change a belief. I find it really helpful and it works for me so I hope it will work for you too. The steps for changing a detrimental belief are:

1. Identify the belief. If you do not know how to do that, read the article on Shadow work that I wrote just recently.
It is important to work with a core belief. For example the thought “I hate speaking in public “is not a core belief. It is an emotional reaction to a core belief. A core belief can be “I am not good enough”. You always want to be working with the root belief when you are dealing with changing your beliefs. Because if you do not, it will just keep coming back.

2. Decide if the belief is beneficial or detrimental to you.

3. Decide what you would rather believe instead. Let your non beneficial beliefs be your inspiration towards beliefs you want to believe.

4. Determine the emotions that are holding you to the belief like glue. Decide if the emotional pay off is worth keeping the belief or not. For example: If I believe that I am not good enough, if I am being really honest about the emotional pay off it might look something like: I get pity when I feel like I am not good enough and that pity feels like people care about me. Or: when I think thoughts like I am not good enough, I give up the responsibility of having to try something new. You have to decide if the emotional pay off is worth the limitations of the beliefs which you are holding. If not, decide you are ready to let go of it. Nothing will help anybody to change something if they do not want to change it.

5. Seek out alternative evidence and alternative explanations which undermine the validity of your detrimental belief. Replace the evidence you’ve been using to back up and support your detrimental belief with evidence that undermines it! For example: If you believe that you are not good enough, this belief may be backed up by this kind of evidence: my mother always told my that I was not good enough. An alternate explanation may be something like this: When I made mistakes, it was an embarrassment to my mother. She was the one who felt as she was not good enough. I simply adopted this belief.

6. Look for evidence and proof to back up the beneficial belief which you would rather believe. And example would be: How am I good enough? I have had successes (you can list them). I have worth which is inate. The things that I have to say could really benefit other people. You want to look at as much proof and evidence that is possible. Make it your focus.

7. Use affirmations that work. These are affirmations which feel good to think, that you DO believe… NOT affirmations which make you more aware of where you aren’t and feel like a lie because they contradict your own sense of intelligence. Because when you believed for decades that you are not good enough and you say something like “I am good enough”, it sounds to you like a lie. You can use things like: I value myself because I care (if you do believe it).

8. Without immediately taking inventory of your reality (out of distrust of the process), simply giveyour self some time to let the new beliefs take root and ALLOW your reality to change. Soon after you change your thoughts, you’ll be looking at tangible proof in a reality that backs up your new thought to such a degree that the new thought will then become a firm belief. But this time, it will be one which benefits you and your life!

My relationship with my mother – Shadow work

I  never had an ideal relationship with my mother. Our personalities are total opposites. We are so unlike each other. She simply does not understand me. She is more extroverted, I am more introverted. She has millions of friends and gets energized in social situations, I have a very few friends and get energized when I am alone. She is very practical, I am a visionary. She is extremely hyperactive, I work more slowly and ordently.

Since I was little she has always been criticising me. Thanks to her I always believed I was worthless. She thinks that something is wrong with me and I am simply not normal.

When she was younger, she was also interested in spirituality and the new age movement. For 20 years she has been reading all the books on this topic. She was interested in alternative medicine and healthy living. She was the one who got me into spirituality and this kind of things in the first place. But in the past few years her opinion on spirituality has changed. She no longer believes it. She says all of those things do not help at all. She is scared that I will walk in her footsteps. She is scared that I will be fooled as she thinks she was.

It is funny to me how my mother says that these things do not work at all when she is always negatively focused. One of the main ideas of the new age movement is that you manifest yourself what you pay attention to. How can she expect herself to live a happy life with a negative mind? She does not understand that our emotions are our indications of what we are vibrating. She does not know that she is the creator of her own reality. She does not follow any of the basic spiritual principles and then she wonders why aren´t they working. It is obvious to me but she does not believe me. I wish I could help her but she does not accept any help.

Our relationship has slightly improved over the years. She is no longer so harsh on me and I can express my opinion more easily. But still I feel that it could be much better. Sometimes I feel like I hate her. She is a perfect mirror of my own deepest shadows.

So today I have decided to dig deep into this relationship and do some shadow work. I have adopted this process from Teal – The spiritual catalyst. You can learn how to do this process in her Shadow work video. It is called “Finding the suppressed self”.

First of all I am going to list all the qualities about my mother that I dislike so much. This is how I see her from my point of view:

  • She is judgmental and critical of others.
  • She is demanding and controlling.
  • She is the most negative and pessimistic person I know.
  • She always looks for the worst in people.
  • She is cruel and harsh.
  • She is an energy vampire.
  • She likes conflict.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is extremely moody.
  • She thinks everything good in life is over for her.
  • She thinks life is unfair.
  • She believes people are divided into good and bad.
  • She does not believe that dreams can come true.
  • She thinks spiritual methods do not help at all.
  • She believes new age movement is a hoax.
  • She is unreasonable.
  • She must do things her way, she thinks she knows best.
  • She does everything quickly and she stresses everyone around fer.
  • She is disappointed in life and in herself.
  • She gets angry very easily.
  • She cares too much about money.
  • She does not think outside the box.
  • She constantly compares me to other people.
  • She obviously hates me.
  • She is disappointed that she has a daughter like me.
  • She wishes I would be someone else.

Here is a list of what my mother might dislike about me:

  • She is naive.
  • She never expresses any emotions.
  • She lives in an illusion that all people are essentially good and we are all one.
  • She is a chronical worrior.
  • She stresses about everything.
  • She does not see the reality as it is.
  • She is delusional.
  • She is never happy.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is too moral and too kind.
  • She is constantly ill.
  • She catches all the possible diseases.
  • She is incapable of living on her own.
  • She is too depandent on her parents.
  • She is antisocial and has no friends.
  • She does not have a boyfriend and probably never will.
  • She is so weird and unconventional.
  • She is scared of people and talking.
  • She can not defend herself.
  • She cares way too much about others opinions.
  • She does not know how to have fun.
  • She is uptight and too serious.
  • She is constantly learning for school and forgets to live her life.
  • She is too secretive and mysterious.
  • She is cold and inexpressive. She does not talk to me.
  • She hates me.
  • She does not know what life is about.
  • She is a horrible person.
  • She does not even know herself.
  • She is rude and arrogant.
  • She takes her parents care for granted.
  • She cares too much about spiritual stuff.
  • Her head is in the clouds.
  • She does not know how to live in this world.
  • She is lost in life.
  • She has no interests besides angels and fairies.
  • She is stupid and mentally ill.
  • She will not be able to survive on her own.
  • She is stubborn and she does not follow my advice.
  • All of my friends hate her.
  • She does not know how to interact with people.
  • She believes that she creates her own reality which is bullshit.
  • She sees the world through pink colored glasses.
  • She is a terrible procrastinator.
  • She does not get anything done.
  • Her only pleasures in life is internet and eating.
  • She thinks she has friends on the internet but these are no real friends.
  • She will never be able to get a job.
  • She will never finish collage.
  • She is passive and flegmatic.
  • She barely ever leaves her room.
  • She wastes her life completely.
  • She should not have been born.
  • Especially she should not be my daughter.
  • If it was not for her parents, she would not have survived in this world.

Well, if this is what she really thinks about me it is no wonder she worried about me. I look really bad from her point of view.

Now I take the first list and make the worst case scenario of my mothers traits. Here is my list:

  • She tortures others.
  • She points out others flaws and makes them feel like crap.
  • She changes her mood every moment.
  • Everyone hates her.
  • She is like a bomb that can explode every second.
  • She hates her life.
  • She wants to die.
  • She thinks she is the worst mother ever.
  • She hates everyone that is interested in spirituality.
  • She thinks life makes no sense.
  • She believes everyone is egoistical and selfish.
  • She lost her faith in good people.
  • She believes happiness is unachievable.
  • Things must always be done her way.
  • She wants to control my life.
  • She does not believe in my own decisions.
  • She lost all her friends.
  • My parents start hating eachother.
  • She is going to catch an illness and die in pain.
  • She does not accept any help.
  • She only cares for money and material things.
  • She will die in depression.
  • Everyone is going to abandon her.
  • No one can stand her presence.
  • She is never happy.
  • She complains about everything 24/7.
  • Because of her negative focus everything is going to turn out badly for her.

And here is my worst case scenario list:

  • She can not discern between reality and illusion.
  • She believes everything anyone says to her.
  • She can not make any decisions on her own.
  • She ends up with a chronical disease and will be dependant on her parents.
  • She will be incapable to live her life by herself.
  • She will be extremely unssucessful.
  • Everyone is going to use her and fool her.
  • She will never know what friendship is.
  • She will never express her true self.
  • She will never know what fun and excitement means.
  • She will only suffer in life.
  • She will never finish any university.
  • No one likes her.
  • She will never have a boyfriend and children.
  • She will never live on her own and have her own house.
  • We (parents) will be forced to financially support her forever.
  • She will end up in a mental hospital.
  • She will die at young age.
  • She will end up alone and abandoned.
  • Nobody likes her and nobody understands her.
  • She will waste her life completely.

Now I am going to take a tiny dose of my mothers’s traits and see how that could improve my life:

  • If I was a tiny bit controlling, demanding and assertive–> I would stick up for myself. I would be able to ask for things and my needs would be fulfilled. I could set healthy boundaries and feel secure.
  • If I was a tiny bit less serious —> I would have more fun and I would enjoy life more. Other people will feel good around me.
  • If I was a tiny bit unreasonable —> I would know what I need and want, even if in the eyes of others it was stupid, I would stand up for who I am and what matters to me.
  • If I was a tiny bit judgemental and critical —> I would be able to analyze and be more efficient. I would be able to understand how others approach things and adapt. I would not be easily fooled.
  • If I was a tiny bit angry —> I could express myself. I would not keep everything bottled up. I could express how I feel calmly and create healthy boundaries that make me feel comforted.
  • If I was a tiny bit more ‘me knows best’ —> I could share my opinion without fear. I could allow people to take what they want from my help. I could inspire others.

The thing is that at some point in my life I became so scared of what is in the third list (my mothers worst case scenario list), that I have developed a supressed self. I am now out of balance because of this shadow side and resistance that I have towards my mothers traits. My suppressed Identity is the one who is self-expressive, confident and spontanious.

The ways how I supress this identity in my life are:

  • I worry about what other people think.
  • I do what I have to do instead of what I want to do.
  • I am locked into routines.
  • I do not try anything new.
  • I do not express myself.
  • I am insecure about myself.

So what are the ways I could express my supressed identity? Here are a few ideas:

  • I can express what I am feeling by talking.
  • I can try sharing my opinion of certain things. I can start participating in conversations.
  • I can ask for things I need.
  • I can do something for myself that I feel matters to me even though others don’t understand.
  • I could be less serious and live more in the moment.
  • I could talk louder and with more confidence.
  • I could be more cheerful and optimistic.
  • I can do art.

This process was very eye opening for me. Now I understand my mother better. I can see why she is worried about me. If I was in her situation I would probably do the same thing. I have compassion for her now and I no longer feel that strong resistance.

I know this post is very long and probably no one will read it, but the main purpose of this post is my own healing process. It has helped me a lot so I hope it can inspire you to look deep into your own relationships and see what they are telling you about yourself. 🙂

Things I like about my mother:

  • She makes wonderful cakes.
  • She has good sense for beauty.
  • She designs pretty interiors.
  • She can sometimes be nice to people.
  • She cares about her children.
  • She is genuinely worried about me, that is why she gets angry with me so much.