1. Make a list of all your positive traits and successes
2. Keep an inner critic page in your journal
3. Use thought rebuttals
4. Create 3 positive mantras from your list of positive qualities
5. Visualize a time when you felt successful
To be confident enough to acknowledge not only one’s own weaknesses, but also one’s own strengths is admirable. It is also necessary for success. It is a crucial part of self-awareness. All too often we think that the people who are self-aware are the ones who are acutely aware of their foibles. But he, who is aware of his foibles, may be unaware of his many wonders. And a person who is unaware of his positive aspects is just as lacking in the area of self-awareness as a person who is unaware of his negative aspects.
This is a sad world that we live in if self-deprecation makes someone “good”. And high self-regard makes someone “bad”. It is no wonder that the root of so many problems here on earth is the lack of self-love. We are confusing self denigration with humility. To regard yourself highly is not necessarily to regard others as low.
I do not think that self-deprecation is an admirable quality. It upsets me that it is the foundation of being liked by others. Women are the worst when it comes to this. I have observed that if you announce to a woman what you like about yourself, they will look at you with an heir of judgmental disgust. Whereas if you announce to a woman what you hate about yourself, they will rush to your aid by complimenting you and establishing rapport. The lesson we females learn when we are very young, is that the way to get along with other women is to put ourselves down.
Do not mistake self love for narcissism. It is important to focus on things that cause you to feel good about yourself. Your relationship with yourself is your only guaranteed lifelong relationship.
I am going to make a list of things that I love and appreciate about myself. And I encourage everyone to do the same.
- I am kind.
- I am loving.
- I am adorable.
- I am inspiring.
- I am curious.
- I am intelligent and wise.
- I am committed.
- I am genuine.
- I am original.
- I am generous.
- I am fascinating.
- I am a visionary.
- I am extremely deep.
- I care.
- I am brave.
- I am sensitive.
- I am creative.
- I am compassionate.
- I am idealist.
- I am romantic.
- I empower others
- I love to laugh.
- I am a good writer.
- I am a good listener.
- I am extremely gracious.
- I am feminine.
- I can admit my mistakes
- I have good taste.
- I am good at languages.
- I am good at singing.
- I am a good hearted person.
- I am physically beautiful.
- I am a good friend.
- I can find beauty in anything.
- I am interested in life.
- I am not afraid of the shadow aspects of myself or other people.
- I am dedicated to decreasing suffering on this planet.
- I am dedicated to being as conscious and self aware as I possibly can be.
- I crave to see other people and beings happy and thriving.
- I can explain well a lot of things.
- I love being a woman.
- Bad experiences make me stronger (I am able to learn from them).
- I focus on my true desires.
- I am a shining example of how one can change.
- I am open to new things and new ideas.
- My connection with the source energy is mystical.
- I have a bright future ahead of me.
- I know more secrets about the universe than most people do.
- I have a great appreciation for life.
- I am committed to living consciously.
- I have great imagination.
- I am willing to say I am sorry.
- I am willing to admit I was wrong.
- I am able to experience oneness.
- I am a stream of consciousness conscious of itself.
- I am a joyful expression of source energy.
- I am worthy and deserve love and happiness.
- I am all and all is me.
Last time I told you what beliefs are. Today I am going to tell you how to consciously change a belief. This process is based on Teal Scott’s teachings on how to change a belief. I find it really helpful and it works for me so I hope it will work for you too. The steps for changing a detrimental belief are:
1. Identify the belief. If you do not know how to do that, read the article on Shadow work that I wrote just recently.
It is important to work with a core belief. For example the thought “I hate speaking in public “is not a core belief. It is an emotional reaction to a core belief. A core belief can be “I am not good enough”. You always want to be working with the root belief when you are dealing with changing your beliefs. Because if you do not, it will just keep coming back.
2. Decide if the belief is beneficial or detrimental to you.
3. Decide what you would rather believe instead. Let your non beneficial beliefs be your inspiration towards beliefs you want to believe.
4. Determine the emotions that are holding you to the belief like glue. Decide if the emotional pay off is worth keeping the belief or not. For example: If I believe that I am not good enough, if I am being really honest about the emotional pay off it might look something like: I get pity when I feel like I am not good enough and that pity feels like people care about me. Or: when I think thoughts like I am not good enough, I give up the responsibility of having to try something new. You have to decide if the emotional pay off is worth the limitations of the beliefs which you are holding. If not, decide you are ready to let go of it. Nothing will help anybody to change something if they do not want to change it.
5. Seek out alternative evidence and alternative explanations which undermine the validity of your detrimental belief. Replace the evidence you’ve been using to back up and support your detrimental belief with evidence that undermines it! For example: If you believe that you are not good enough, this belief may be backed up by this kind of evidence: my mother always told my that I was not good enough. An alternate explanation may be something like this: When I made mistakes, it was an embarrassment to my mother. She was the one who felt as she was not good enough. I simply adopted this belief.
6. Look for evidence and proof to back up the beneficial belief which you would rather believe. And example would be: How am I good enough? I have had successes (you can list them). I have worth which is inate. The things that I have to say could really benefit other people. You want to look at as much proof and evidence that is possible. Make it your focus.
7. Use affirmations that work. These are affirmations which feel good to think, that you DO believe… NOT affirmations which make you more aware of where you aren’t and feel like a lie because they contradict your own sense of intelligence. Because when you believed for decades that you are not good enough and you say something like “I am good enough”, it sounds to you like a lie. You can use things like: I value myself because I care (if you do believe it).
8. Without immediately taking inventory of your reality (out of distrust of the process), simply giveyour self some time to let the new beliefs take root and ALLOW your reality to change. Soon after you change your thoughts, you’ll be looking at tangible proof in a reality that backs up your new thought to such a degree that the new thought will then become a firm belief. But this time, it will be one which benefits you and your life!
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie
Often times we get so busy with chasing after the things we want, after the things that are somewhere out there, that we forget to enjoy the present moment, we forget to be happy. You hear people all the time saying: Oh, I will be happy when I will get this and that, when I will get there, when I will do this and that… and when those things do happen, they go on to planning the next thing and the next thing and forget to enjoy the things they achieved so far, the things they longed for. By doing so people also forget to enjoy what they already have, they forget to be happy. Don’t let that be you.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” Oprah Winfrey
Realize that now, in this moment you have more than enough. It’s okay to have dreams, it’s okay to aspire to grow, to learn, to evolve and to achieve big things but it’s also important to celebrate yourself, to celebrate your accomplishments, to celebrate the present moment and to celebrate your life. With gratitude comes happiness and with happiness comes gratitude…
Here is a really beautiful gratitude poem which I’m sure you would love.
“Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.