Tag Archive | teal

Humility and Being Humble – Teal Swan

This has to be one of my favorite Teal videos yet. So many have been led to believe that humility is good, healthy, and brings them closer to God. I, on the other hand, knew this wasn’t accurate (I’m indivisible from God) but I could never put it to words as she so insightfully does.

I have been humble all my life. I used to allow others to take advantage of me in home and in school by staying humble while others received everything and I didn’t. I HAVE GAINED NOTHING BY DOING IT!

All of my life everyone thought that the best thing about me is that I’m humble. You could ask anyone who knows me what is my most lovable personality trait and they would say that it’s my humility. All teachers in school praised me for my humility and used me as an example of a good person. Mankind truly is obsessed with humility and sees it as one of the highest human virtues.

But the truth is that deep down I wasn’t happy. The fact that I was humble was caused by my extremely low self esteem and feeling of insignificance. I used to believe that I was worse than everyone else, that I’m not good enough and that I’m predestined for a life full of suffering. There is nothing admirable in humility.

We should give up on humility. It doesn’t serve anyone. It causes us to live half of the life we came here to live. It goes against our true nature.

So here is my list of things in which I’m good at:
I am great at recreating myself, losing myself and putting the pieces back together again.
I am a very supportive, kind person.
I am great at making the best out of any situation.
I’m great at thinking complex stuff, I get the whole picture very easily
I’m a gifted writer.
I excellent at finding the perfect gift for people.
I’m great with children, I love to play with them and accompany them on their journey.
I’m a compassionate listener
I am good at admitting my own downfalls
I am good in being grateful for Teal.

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Teal’s workshop in Prague

On Saturday I had the opportunity to attend Teals workshop in Prague. As many of you know, Im her huge fan. When I found out that Teal is coming to Czech republic, I knew that I have to go. There is no way I would miss such a great opportunity. If Im lucky, maybe I can meet her and ask her a question… I was hoping for it. Two months before the day of the workshop I started to count days which are left until Teals workshop :D.

The day had finally arrived and I visited Prague. I had a chance to see Teal two days in a row. On Friday she had a presentation about the importance of emotions at the Festival Evolution. You can watch it here:

I had a very good impression from Teal on Friday. Not that I have expected she isnt good live :D. I expected her to be awesome. And she was awesome! 🙂 But it surprised me that she seemed so humble, so fragile and so vulnerable. From her videos I had the impression she has a sassy leader personality. And there she was, so innocent, like a princess. 🙂

I enjoyed her presentation very much. Ive learned a lot that day. She was using a simple language to make it easier for the translator to translate it to Czech, so it was much more understandable for me. I could understand her teachings even more deeply.

While she was talking on stage, she also made eye contact with members of the audience. She looked into my direction many times and I felt like she was staring right into my eyes a few times. In that moment, I almost suffered from a heart attack and fell of my chair! 😀 Her stare was so intense, I felt like she was seeing my soul. But considering the way Teal sees the world, its clear to me why she looked towards me so often. Me and my friend, which was sitting right next to me, must have been radiating the strongest vibration of love and appreciation in the room :). Its hard to miss that vibration! :D. I bet that most people came to the presentation just out of curiosity. They may have seen a few Teal videos and thought she was interesting, so theyve decided to come see her live. But I have seen each and every one of her videos (multiple times), Ive read all of her blog posts, I stalk her everywhere I can on the internet… Im such a big fan of hers, you could hardly find a bigger one :D. From the beginning to the end of the presentation, my mind was filled with thoughts of love and appreciation for Teal and what shes doing. I was so excited to sit in the same room just a few meters from her. I bet I was radiating there like a nuclear plant :D.

The workshop took place on Saturday morning. I was surprised how many people came to the workshop. There were people from all over the world that gathered just to see Teal. From so many people, I couldnt find any of my internet friends. I was scared that I will be left alone and I wont get to know anybody. Thankfully I was wrong. Right behind me was sitting a group of young English speaking people. I spoke to them and found out that they come from different countries all over the world. It was interesting to listen to their stories about how they came across Teal’s teachings. Im so happy I could meet these wonderful people :).

The workshop was in form of questions and answers. Everyone who had a question raised their hand and Teal picked one person whose question was most in alignment with the vibration of the whole group. Teal described it that the person with the right question lights up for her. Then that person went on stage and discussed the issue with Teal.

I could relate to all the questions asked on that workshop. Most people asked personal questions. When we have uncovered the root of the problem by each question, we discovered that we all have the same problem –  we dont feel good enough. We feel unloved, we feel like theres something wrong with us. Ive realized in the middle of the workshop how normal I actually am :D. I used to think I was the only one struggling with self worth and feelings of worthlessness. But in reality there is no person on this planet that hasnt experienced such thing at least once in their life. We are all struggling with the same thing. Ive learned many new things about myself in the workshop. Ive realized towards what kind of things I have resistance and how should I work on myself. It was an intense healing process.

I was raising my hand throughout the whole workshop hoping to ask my question. But Teal always picked someone else. The end of the workshop was near and I was afraid that I wont get the chance to ask my question. When Teal said we have time for the last question only, I was focusing all of my attention on being picked. And it worked! Teal picked me and my question! 🙂 Now I had to go on stage, sit next to her and discuss my problem with her. I was very nervous because I hate being the center of attention. So many people were looking at me and there I was sitting in front of Teal. She was scanning me with her eyes and I felt like she was seeing deep corners of my soul. It was almost like I was sitting on that stage naked! 😀 I knew I had to calm down because Teal is surely able to see my panicking thoughts. But it didnt help and I literally felt like the most awkward person on this planet while I was sitting there. I started to calm down when I was sitting there for quite some time. I started to enjoy it and I was so excited that Teal now knows about my existence and Im able to talk to her! 🙂

Teal and I talking on stage

I asked Teal a question about young people in this society. I told her about my sister and how my parents are forcing her to only learn math, because that is the subject she is worst at. Shes doing good in all other subjects, but my parents are only forcing her to solve math problems and take extra lessons. They ban her from doing anything she enjoys – she cant go out, she cant meet her friends, she can’t use the internet… They come up with all sorts of punishments to force her to do what she hates to do the most. I can relate to the case of my sister because its the same thing my parents did to me. Our parents think that they own us. They think that they know what is best for us. And we, the children cant do anything about it. We cant just quit going to school, then our parents will go to jail… When an adult person says that they hate their job, Teal would say that they should quit that job and start doing something they enjoy instead. But what can a child do when they hate school? (Im sure most kids hate school). We cant just quit. So I asked Teal what to do in such case.

Teal told me that she understands my situation. In this society, the educational system is horrible. We send our children to jail. We force them to learn things that are mostly absolutely unnecessary for our lifes. Teal admitted that she also was horrible at math in school :D. And in real life you dont need math, unless of course you choose some math oriented career :D.

According to Teal the most beneficial thing for my sister to do is to release resistance she has towards math. She can play a game where she pretends to be a science nerd. How would that science nerd act in solving a math problem? Thanks to that kind of attitude math isnt that bad. Another good idea is to reward yourself after successfully solving a math problem. Teal demonstrated it on the example of Skittles (but she told us that sweets our unhealthy, maybe we can try it with something more natural). But we can play a game that after each accomplishment we eat or do something enjoyable. We have to do anything that makes that subject more acceptable for us.

Teal answering my question

I think Teal said something like that to me. Im not so sure about it because while I was sitting there, I was kind of in an altered state of consciousness :D. I didnt experience time normally and I didnt even realize which words were coming out of my mouth. It was all so unreal. I still cant believe it happened :D. But it must have happened, I have photos as proof. At the end Teal hugged me! 🙂 Its a dream come true for me :). Just before the workshop began, I met a girl that said she hugged Teal. I was so jealous and I didnt know what can I do to get a hug from Teal. But I got it! Yay :D. It was amazing.

On the next day, Blake invited us (people from the workshop) to go on a walk around Prague. It was amazing, Ive met people from all over the world. Theres nothing better than finding people who are on the same wave length as you are and think in a similar way. I felt like I have finally returned to my home planet :D. I never felt such a connection with anyone like I did with these people that Ive met in these 3 days. Even though I talked to some of them just for a little while, I still felt like they understand me better than some people I know for years.

Tealers in Prague

Teals workshop was a wonderful experience! I dont regret anything at all. If Teal ever comes back or if she visits my country (Slovakia), Im coming without a shadow of a doubt. Its worth it just for the amazing people you meet here. And Teal is absolutely amazing and it’s awesome to see her live. 

I also want to thank everybody who made this workshop possible. Youve done a great job. I havent met anyone who wouldnt enjoy the workshop. To all who participated in the workshop – huge THANKS! :).

 

Want to Be Happy? Give Up on Happiness!

It seems like Teal is reading my mind because I have been thinking about this subject this entire week and she just made a video on that!

I find this video very helpful because I can identify with everything she says. I always felt like I should be happy even when I wasn’t. I felt like I must be doing something wrong. I began to feel like I was destined to suffer. This only made me more unhappy because I just could’t get my life right.

Anyone who feels like happiness is beyond their reach should watch this video:)

My relationship with my mother – Shadow work

I  never had an ideal relationship with my mother. Our personalities are total opposites. We are so unlike each other. She simply does not understand me. She is more extroverted, I am more introverted. She has millions of friends and gets energized in social situations, I have a very few friends and get energized when I am alone. She is very practical, I am a visionary. She is extremely hyperactive, I work more slowly and ordently.

Since I was little she has always been criticising me. Thanks to her I always believed I was worthless. She thinks that something is wrong with me and I am simply not normal.

When she was younger, she was also interested in spirituality and the new age movement. For 20 years she has been reading all the books on this topic. She was interested in alternative medicine and healthy living. She was the one who got me into spirituality and this kind of things in the first place. But in the past few years her opinion on spirituality has changed. She no longer believes it. She says all of those things do not help at all. She is scared that I will walk in her footsteps. She is scared that I will be fooled as she thinks she was.

It is funny to me how my mother says that these things do not work at all when she is always negatively focused. One of the main ideas of the new age movement is that you manifest yourself what you pay attention to. How can she expect herself to live a happy life with a negative mind? She does not understand that our emotions are our indications of what we are vibrating. She does not know that she is the creator of her own reality. She does not follow any of the basic spiritual principles and then she wonders why aren´t they working. It is obvious to me but she does not believe me. I wish I could help her but she does not accept any help.

Our relationship has slightly improved over the years. She is no longer so harsh on me and I can express my opinion more easily. But still I feel that it could be much better. Sometimes I feel like I hate her. She is a perfect mirror of my own deepest shadows.

So today I have decided to dig deep into this relationship and do some shadow work. I have adopted this process from Teal – The spiritual catalyst. You can learn how to do this process in her Shadow work video. It is called “Finding the suppressed self”.

First of all I am going to list all the qualities about my mother that I dislike so much. This is how I see her from my point of view:

  • She is judgmental and critical of others.
  • She is demanding and controlling.
  • She is the most negative and pessimistic person I know.
  • She always looks for the worst in people.
  • She is cruel and harsh.
  • She is an energy vampire.
  • She likes conflict.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is extremely moody.
  • She thinks everything good in life is over for her.
  • She thinks life is unfair.
  • She believes people are divided into good and bad.
  • She does not believe that dreams can come true.
  • She thinks spiritual methods do not help at all.
  • She believes new age movement is a hoax.
  • She is unreasonable.
  • She must do things her way, she thinks she knows best.
  • She does everything quickly and she stresses everyone around fer.
  • She is disappointed in life and in herself.
  • She gets angry very easily.
  • She cares too much about money.
  • She does not think outside the box.
  • She constantly compares me to other people.
  • She obviously hates me.
  • She is disappointed that she has a daughter like me.
  • She wishes I would be someone else.

Here is a list of what my mother might dislike about me:

  • She is naive.
  • She never expresses any emotions.
  • She lives in an illusion that all people are essentially good and we are all one.
  • She is a chronical worrior.
  • She stresses about everything.
  • She does not see the reality as it is.
  • She is delusional.
  • She is never happy.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is too moral and too kind.
  • She is constantly ill.
  • She catches all the possible diseases.
  • She is incapable of living on her own.
  • She is too depandent on her parents.
  • She is antisocial and has no friends.
  • She does not have a boyfriend and probably never will.
  • She is so weird and unconventional.
  • She is scared of people and talking.
  • She can not defend herself.
  • She cares way too much about others opinions.
  • She does not know how to have fun.
  • She is uptight and too serious.
  • She is constantly learning for school and forgets to live her life.
  • She is too secretive and mysterious.
  • She is cold and inexpressive. She does not talk to me.
  • She hates me.
  • She does not know what life is about.
  • She is a horrible person.
  • She does not even know herself.
  • She is rude and arrogant.
  • She takes her parents care for granted.
  • She cares too much about spiritual stuff.
  • Her head is in the clouds.
  • She does not know how to live in this world.
  • She is lost in life.
  • She has no interests besides angels and fairies.
  • She is stupid and mentally ill.
  • She will not be able to survive on her own.
  • She is stubborn and she does not follow my advice.
  • All of my friends hate her.
  • She does not know how to interact with people.
  • She believes that she creates her own reality which is bullshit.
  • She sees the world through pink colored glasses.
  • She is a terrible procrastinator.
  • She does not get anything done.
  • Her only pleasures in life is internet and eating.
  • She thinks she has friends on the internet but these are no real friends.
  • She will never be able to get a job.
  • She will never finish collage.
  • She is passive and flegmatic.
  • She barely ever leaves her room.
  • She wastes her life completely.
  • She should not have been born.
  • Especially she should not be my daughter.
  • If it was not for her parents, she would not have survived in this world.

Well, if this is what she really thinks about me it is no wonder she worried about me. I look really bad from her point of view.

Now I take the first list and make the worst case scenario of my mothers traits. Here is my list:

  • She tortures others.
  • She points out others flaws and makes them feel like crap.
  • She changes her mood every moment.
  • Everyone hates her.
  • She is like a bomb that can explode every second.
  • She hates her life.
  • She wants to die.
  • She thinks she is the worst mother ever.
  • She hates everyone that is interested in spirituality.
  • She thinks life makes no sense.
  • She believes everyone is egoistical and selfish.
  • She lost her faith in good people.
  • She believes happiness is unachievable.
  • Things must always be done her way.
  • She wants to control my life.
  • She does not believe in my own decisions.
  • She lost all her friends.
  • My parents start hating eachother.
  • She is going to catch an illness and die in pain.
  • She does not accept any help.
  • She only cares for money and material things.
  • She will die in depression.
  • Everyone is going to abandon her.
  • No one can stand her presence.
  • She is never happy.
  • She complains about everything 24/7.
  • Because of her negative focus everything is going to turn out badly for her.

And here is my worst case scenario list:

  • She can not discern between reality and illusion.
  • She believes everything anyone says to her.
  • She can not make any decisions on her own.
  • She ends up with a chronical disease and will be dependant on her parents.
  • She will be incapable to live her life by herself.
  • She will be extremely unssucessful.
  • Everyone is going to use her and fool her.
  • She will never know what friendship is.
  • She will never express her true self.
  • She will never know what fun and excitement means.
  • She will only suffer in life.
  • She will never finish any university.
  • No one likes her.
  • She will never have a boyfriend and children.
  • She will never live on her own and have her own house.
  • We (parents) will be forced to financially support her forever.
  • She will end up in a mental hospital.
  • She will die at young age.
  • She will end up alone and abandoned.
  • Nobody likes her and nobody understands her.
  • She will waste her life completely.

Now I am going to take a tiny dose of my mothers’s traits and see how that could improve my life:

  • If I was a tiny bit controlling, demanding and assertive–> I would stick up for myself. I would be able to ask for things and my needs would be fulfilled. I could set healthy boundaries and feel secure.
  • If I was a tiny bit less serious —> I would have more fun and I would enjoy life more. Other people will feel good around me.
  • If I was a tiny bit unreasonable —> I would know what I need and want, even if in the eyes of others it was stupid, I would stand up for who I am and what matters to me.
  • If I was a tiny bit judgemental and critical —> I would be able to analyze and be more efficient. I would be able to understand how others approach things and adapt. I would not be easily fooled.
  • If I was a tiny bit angry —> I could express myself. I would not keep everything bottled up. I could express how I feel calmly and create healthy boundaries that make me feel comforted.
  • If I was a tiny bit more ‘me knows best’ —> I could share my opinion without fear. I could allow people to take what they want from my help. I could inspire others.

The thing is that at some point in my life I became so scared of what is in the third list (my mothers worst case scenario list), that I have developed a supressed self. I am now out of balance because of this shadow side and resistance that I have towards my mothers traits. My suppressed Identity is the one who is self-expressive, confident and spontanious.

The ways how I supress this identity in my life are:

  • I worry about what other people think.
  • I do what I have to do instead of what I want to do.
  • I am locked into routines.
  • I do not try anything new.
  • I do not express myself.
  • I am insecure about myself.

So what are the ways I could express my supressed identity? Here are a few ideas:

  • I can express what I am feeling by talking.
  • I can try sharing my opinion of certain things. I can start participating in conversations.
  • I can ask for things I need.
  • I can do something for myself that I feel matters to me even though others don’t understand.
  • I could be less serious and live more in the moment.
  • I could talk louder and with more confidence.
  • I could be more cheerful and optimistic.
  • I can do art.

This process was very eye opening for me. Now I understand my mother better. I can see why she is worried about me. If I was in her situation I would probably do the same thing. I have compassion for her now and I no longer feel that strong resistance.

I know this post is very long and probably no one will read it, but the main purpose of this post is my own healing process. It has helped me a lot so I hope it can inspire you to look deep into your own relationships and see what they are telling you about yourself. 🙂

Things I like about my mother:

  • She makes wonderful cakes.
  • She has good sense for beauty.
  • She designs pretty interiors.
  • She can sometimes be nice to people.
  • She cares about her children.
  • She is genuinely worried about me, that is why she gets angry with me so much.

What is shadow work?

All the things that we are experiencing are the result of core beliefs which are beliefs that we have been thinking for so long that it takes no longer conscious effort to think them. Many of our beliefs have become so automatic to us that we are not even aware of them or their origin in the first place. They just are. This shadow beliefs reside in an subconscious mind.

This core beliefs are like roots. If this roots remain undiscovered, they keep growing like weeds into our life. It is never a good idea to try to escape our shadows. Because just like a physical shadow, they move everywhere we go until we shine light on them.

So how to find a core belief?

One way to root out a core belief is to start with a simple judgement. Just pick something you dislike and something you feel resistence to. Then you just have to alternate two questions 1, What does this mean to me? 2, Why would that be so bad? You have to alternate this questions depending which one makes more sense to the statement.

This is my personal example:

I won’t pass an upcoming exam at school.

What does this mean to me?

I will disappoint myself and everyone around me.

Why yould that be so bad?

It would mean I failed.

And why would that be so bad?

If I failed, it means I’m worthless.

The last statement is the core belief I just rooted out. This is the belief that is really manifesting itself in this situation. So when I’m afraid that I won’t pass an exam and feel that internal resistence to it, the belief that is actually active is that I am worthless.

This is just one way how to root out a core belief. We can also use our lifes in a way they are meant to be – they are mirroring our biggest vibrations. We know based on what is manifesting in our lifes what our negative vibrations are. Every single negative thing we experience is an opportunity to do our shadow work.

I was inspired to write this article by Teal Swan – The Spiritual Catalyst. She explains very well what is shadow work and how to do it. This concept I just showed you is one of her methods on rooting out a core belief. In this video she introduces another concept on finding core beliefs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6wDHBt7r5U.

Once we have identified our core belief, we can now consciously change it. I will tell you how to do that next time!