Tag Archive | self awareness

False self vs. Real self

Teal released a new video on false self vs. real self yesterday. It got me thinking about myself and my life. Do I really know who I am or do I just think that I know who I am?

It is true that many of us dont know who we truly are. As Teal says in the video “We have created false selves that are so good at what they do; even we have mistaken them for ourselves. We have a major problem differentiating between our false self and our real self. ”

I know that this is very true. I did exactly the same thing. When I was very little I learned to distrust my emotional guidance system. I felt something, but my parents told me I shouldnt feel this way. So I thought that something must be wrong with me. I began to feel ashamed for my true self. In order to avoid punishment I created a false self. Thanks to this false self I have gotten reward and I was accepted to society. After some time I started to identify with my false self so deeply that I completely forgot who I really am. I have mistaken my false self with my real self.

I identified with my false self until I was 14 years old. Then suddenly something has awakened within me and I started to question myself. I started to ask myself questions like: “Who am I? , What am I doing here?, What is the purpose of my life?, What do I like and what do I dislike?”. I realized that I know nothing about myself. Everything that other people told me about myself was not true. It wasnt true because it didnt feel good to me.

This is a list of things I used to identify with and other people used to identify with me:

  • I am shy and antisocial.
  • I dont have my own opinions.
  • I have no special gifts and talents.
  • I have good grades and I am a hard worker.
  • I am moral and I conform easily.
  • I follow societys rules and do what people tell me to do.

For many years I thought that this is who I am. This is what my parents, my friends, classmates and everyone I knew told me about myself.

Once I started to question myself, I could see that none of these things are actually true for me. I wasnt born shy. My shyness is a result of self constriction and of my fear to fully express myself. I am not antisocial. I love to communicate with people and built deep bonds with them. I just didnt have friends at that time because of my belief that no one would find me interesting enough to have me as a friend. And its not true that I have no gifts or talents. I was just too afraid to express them. Im good at painting, writing, Im a good listener, I give good advice to people, I am very empathic and creative… I just didnt know these things about myself because I never tried them. And the biggest lie of all: I have no opinions. This is absolutely not true for me. I have so many opinions on all aspects of life. I didnt express them to others because I was afraid that they will think I am crazy.

At the core of my being I am not conformative and I dont like following societys rules. I am a non conformist and a visionary. I believe that most systems we have on this planet now need to be reformed. I think that many rules that we have in this society are highly illogical and nonsensical. I love to come up with new ideas how our world could function in a new and brighter way.

I started to explore what I like and what I dislike. For example, all my life I thought that I dislike the color pink. Everyone around me hated pink and said that liking pink makes you a shallow girly girl that only cares about her own appearance. Of course I didnt like to be seen as a shallow girly girl so every time someone asked me if I like pink, I said no. I didnt wear pink, I didnt buy anything that has a pink color on it. But then in the process of questioning myself I discovered that I actually love pink! Now what? Does it make me a bad person? I have realized that there is nothing wrong with color pink. It represents love, compassion, nurturing and caring. It fits my real personality perfectly. Now I am not ashamed to wear pink. I actually painted my room pink and I love it. And since I don’t consider myself shallow and attention seeking, no one has ever called me that! 🙂

Another surprising thing I discovered about myself is about the music that I like. I used to think that I dislike mainstream pop music. I thought that pop is only for stupid party people and Im surely not one of them. Its true that I dislike 70% of songs they usually play on the radio, but from time to time, I find a mainstream pop song that I like. Sometimes I get mad at myself for liking something I shouldnt like. It took me some time until I accepted this part of myself. There is nothing wrong with that. And I also had to face the fact that I like many music genres at the same time. Most people have their one favorite genre. But me not. I like almost all types of music, even the ones that should contradict themselves! 😀 I like classical music, but I also like popular music. I love chill out music, new age music, mantras and meditation music, but I also love metal :D. I also dont mind rock music and sometimes I listen to rap. I adore celtic music, oriental music, indian music, arabic music… I like almost anything when it comes to music! I still dont understand how is that possible. I dont know how can someone like so many music genres at the same time, but I do like them and I cant do anything about it. I just have to accept that I like many things.

Pursuing the path of self discovery takes a lot of courage. Mostly we find out, that everything we thought we know about ourselves is wrong. Its like we lived our lives in illusion. We have to give in to uncertainty and be able to question everything we think we know about ourselves. At the end its worth it! A man who doesnt know who he truly is cant be truly happy. Only someone who knows who he is and follows his dreams and his emotional guidance system can know what happiness is. Thats why pursuing the path of self discovery is the most risky and also the best thing you could ever do for yourself! Now is the time to question everything we think we know about ourselves!

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My life path number

I have stumbled across numerology and found out that there is such thing as life path number.

The Life Path is the sum of the birth date of an individual. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

This is a number that is derived from all the numbers in your birth date. The Life Path number is established from the date of birth. First, convert the month to a single number, then add this individual digit, the birthday, and the individual digits of the birth year. The individual digits are again added together, as necessary to reduce the sum to a single digit 1 through 9, or to the numerology “master numbers,” 11 or 22. These master numbers are not reduced any further.

The life path number is calculated from your complete date of birth (mm-dd-yyyy).
1) For example my date of birth: April 28, 1995 (4-28-1995).
2) Add all the digits of your month, date and the year (all 4 digits of the year) together.
3) In this case, add 4+2+8+1+9+9+5 = 38. Keep adding till you get a number from 1-9, 11, 22 or 33.
4) So, add the digits in 38, i.e., 3+8 = 11.
5) Hence in this case, the life path number is 11.

Out of curiosity I calculated mine and then I read descriptions of my life path on the internet. I was very surprised because the descriptions could not be more accurate. I encourage everyone to calculate their life path number, it can be very helpful and it can give you clarity about your purpose in life.

This is what I found about my life path number on the internet:

Positive Personality Aspects of Numerology Number 11

The numerology number eleven is one of the special numbers known as a master number. As a master number this number vibrates at a higher frequency than other numbers. As such, there is a great deal of power that comes with this master number.

The Master Number 11 is usually called The Illuminator, The Messenger or the Teacher, as those with this Master Number are here to be inspirational guiding lights, to bring illumination to others and to help raise spiritual awareness.

In numerology, the number eleven is known for their strong sensitivity and empathic ability along with a high level of intuitive perception. These individuals are here to inspire others and they usually do this by offering the information and messages that their guides, higher self, and inner voice provides. They are here to uplift humanity, and that’s a very difficult role to fulfill, but one which brings with it a great deal of both external and internal reward.

As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. People born with the life path number 11 are spiritually illuminated individuals who possess spiritual knowledge much beyond the reach of another average mortal. They are a source of inspiration for many. They are people who are often misunderstood in life and have to face the wrath of the world. Number 11 people are true visionaries whose ideas and concepts are accepted and idealized not instantly but over a gradual period of time.

The Master Numbers possess huge potential. They are highly charged, difficult to deal with and require time, maturity and great effort to integrate into one’s personality. Master Number 11 people are very powerful, and have volunteered to incarnate to help the human race.

Thus, people born with the life path number 11 are visionaries who are extremely enthusiastic about their dreams and ambitions. They are people with a spiritual high, loved and respected by many. Though they can be misunderstood and put down, their enthusiasm makes sure that their dreams are fulfilled, if not instantly but at least later in their life.

The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life’s mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close.

Negative Personality Aspects of Numerology Number 11

Being at such a high vibration is very difficult. The 11/2 walks the fine line between greatness and self destruction. This number can be given over to fear and phobias or soar to the heights of the enlightened.

The master number eleven is associated with being hyper-critical of one’s own situations and talents. Self-expectations are high in this number and those who are ruled by number eleven would do well to learn to make those self expectations a little more realistic. When expectations are realistic and can be achieved there is little worry that the numerology number eleven will fall prey to self destruction.

Individuals with a birth chart containing numerology number eleven should also try to be careful with their planning skills. When there are no plans for the future, no direction to go, these individuals can become overly frustrated and begin to lose confidence. It’s not unusual for truly lost number elevens to find themselves sinking into the despair of depression.

Another weak point that numerology number eleven is associated with the need to be cautious with diet and the nervous system. This is especially true when a person has the eleven life path. Even without the number appearing in the life path, the typical number eleven has a very sensitive physical body that needs a great deal of nourishment in both the form of food and in the form of physical affection. Having a balanced diet is a necessity; otherwise the nervous system can get out of whack.

A person who is ruled by numerology number eleven, as a spiritual messenger, does tend to have a strongly intuitive mind. They can be very psychic. The number eleven must learn when to offer their insights and when to ethically keep those insights to themselves. After all, as hard as it is to believe, not everyone wants help and, in fact, most people would rather wallow in their own self pity as opposed to do something about their problems. The job of master number eleven, the spiritual messenger, is to pass along information and insights, but not worry about if others choose to act on the information.

In order for master number eleven to make the most of its power the person wielding it will need to focus a great deal on self mastery and perfecting their talents, skills, and abilities. Like the one, there is natural leadership ability, and like the two there is a need to find and bring balance to others.

What Is Spirituality?

I like the idea of “spirituality”, but I often find the word “spiritual” irritating. I’m a spiritual person, but I hear it used so often by people I don’t like, that I refrain from using the word.

Somewhere along the way, the word “spiritual” has become synonymous with supernatural. And this is the problem with labeling experiences which are alive and wonderful, with words that are inanimate, dead and open to interpretation.

The concept of spirituality can narrow our thinking rather than extend it. All too often we make certain things spiritual, and other things “un-spiritual”. For instance, can reading be a spiritual experience? Can having a shower be a spiritual experience? Can giving birth to a baby, or dancing or eating be a spiritual experience? It’s not the experience that is innately spiritual – anything can be spiritual deep down. Rather, our perceptions and states of mind judge something as being spiritual or not.

Being a “spiritual” person is commonly associated with being a “religious person” – but this isn’t always the case. Spirituality has no absolute definition, but generally it is perceived as having a great sensitivity to life, this includes: to other people, to nature, to animals and to our own existences.

Spirituality, the way I interpret it, is the search for meaning, purpose and direction, the journey of self-discovery and self-understanding. It is a desire to become your best possible self, and to transcend who you are, or who you think you are, through either a higher power or our interconnectedness as living beings.

If spirituality is to find purpose in life and to become the best possible people we can be, the first step is to figure out where we currently are. How can we go anywhere unless we first know where we are? This is why we so often find ourselves going around in circles, making the same mistakes over and over again.

Many people go through life without stopping, without questioning and without listening. We unconsciously go from one moment to the next without attempting to cultivate a new way of doing things, or a new way of looking at every experience we have in our fleeting lives.

But how do we find our own spiritual paths? There are several ways. For starters, we can keep an open mind to experience things we may have otherwise rejected with our ‘old’ perceptions of life. We can begin questioning our current belief systems, our current ambitions, dreams and ideas of who we think we are, or should be. And most importantly, we can enhance our awareness of life and of the present moment, by accepting moment to moment without any judgement, resistance or comparison to ideals or memories, that which is presented to us.

Awareness isn’t something very difficult to aspire to. Even eating can become a spiritual experience when we deliberately pay attention to our senses. The taste, the smell, the sight, and the consistency of a meal are all things that go unnoticed to us when we eat while being distracted by talking to someone, or watching the TV.

By being aware of such small things from time to time, we are much more in touch with what is happening in the ‘now’ internally and externally, and thus, we become much more clear about the path we are currently on, and whether we want to be taking the path or not. Spirituality is our Existential GPS.

To the unaware, “dreamlike” mind, the perception of life is one that jumps from one distraction to the next, always touching the surface and never quite feeling any solid ground of significance, or of meaningfulness and wholeness.

This background noise that is always somewhere in our heads can be calmed down in many different ways. For instance, exercise, getting lost in an artistic creation by submergence in the present moment, and meditation, all serve to dissect the concept we’ve built and called reality.

Meditation, for example, can slowly allow us to gain awareness by helping us to become an observer of our emotions and thoughts. It can change our perceptions of life from the subjectively unaware and reactive, to the objectively focused, in control, and aware. This awareness, this understanding of our inner minds, will remove obstacles, discover energies and consequently, help to create paths in our lives.