Hi lovely people!
It’s time for me to introduce myself. Maybe you’ve been wandering who is behind this blog. I’m going to tell you a little more about me (beware, my definition of “a little” = a novel.) So who am I?
My name is Paulina and I’m probably the most stereotypical INFJ in existence. Someone could seriously use me as a textbook example. I embody all typical INFJ traits to the highest degree. I can relate to every INFJ description I have found 100%. When I first discovered that I am an INFJ, it was almost life saving for me. I was very surprised to find the description alarmingly accurate, describing me pretty much to the point where I could think of nothing I could add to make it any more complete. For the first time in my life I felt like someone understands me.
I would like to start from the childhood. Since a very young age I knew I was different. I enjoyed solitude and I loved to play just by myself. In kindergarten I was that weird kid that was observing everyone and everything in the corner. I especially loved to paint and create stuff so you could always find me with crayons in my hands. I remember that my teachers were very concerned about me. They told my parents they should send me to a childhood psychiatrist to find out if I’m sane and not mentally ill. The doctor didn’t identify me with any mental illness and just assumed that I am very shy and introverted, but maybe it gets better as I grow up. I remember that everyone called me “Sleeping beauty” as a child.I was always typed as the girl who existed in “her own little world”. I remember feeling guilty for being weird. I hated the fact that I was different and I could’t fit in no matter how hard I tried. I avoided trouble and followed the rules to an anal degree. I believe my nickname was “saint girl” when I was younger.
Besides my obvious preference for introversion, I have always been an “old soul”. When I was 4 years old, I felt very strange in my little tiny body. I felt so much wiser and older than what I looked like. I always wanted to figure out how the universe works. The first sentence I spoke when I learned how to talk was: “What does it mean?”. 😀 I always search for meaning behind things.
One particular childhood memory stands out for me: I remember looking at my own reflection in the mirror and staring deeply into my own eyes. I felt like I could see the entire universe reflected in my eyes. I felt like I’m a part of something much greater than myself. I knew I was the creator myself, not just a waste of space in a meaningless universe. These kind of things happened to me often as a child and continue to happen now in my adulthood.
My childhood was full of feeling misunderstood, being bullied and feeling like an alien in this world. Occasionally there were good times, but mostly is ranged from mediocre to miserable, intermixed with complete hell. No one could understand me but I felt like I understand everyone. I could easily read people and their motives, intentions and feelings. It bothered me even more when I saw that no one can tell how I feel. It made me feel even more otherwordly. In my case, I think the characteristics of being an INFJ coupled with not so supportive parents caused the loneliness & isolation I experienced as a child.
My teenage years = Very few friends, a non existent social life. As a teenager I enjoyed reading. Everywhere I went I had to take a book with me. I also enjoy writing. I express myself so much better in writing than in verbal communication. I’ve spend the majority of my teenage years on the internet. I’ve created blogs and shared my ideas with other people. For the first time in my life I felt like someone understands me. I love internet so much because it contains a lot of information. I adore learning new things. When I find a subject I’m passionate about I spend hours and hours researching on the internet until I’m an expert in it.
I have to admit that since I discovered my personality type, my life is getting better and better. It’s all about self acceptance. I used to hate myself as a child and I used to think that something was wrong with me. But my self hate decreased a lot when I found out that I’m a perfectly healthy INFJ. I’m not a flawed and defected human being, I’m just very rare and original. I began to value myself and accept myself more. And as I started doing so, I noticed that other people accept me more as well. I was even able to find friends that appreciate me for who I am.
I’m also very spiritual. Not religious but spiritual. I’m deeply interested in all things metaphysical. I guess I was already born this way and when I read spiritual books, it feels like I’m remembering something I have always known very deeply.
Another thing that I love is art. I love to create mandalas and symbolic paintings. When engrossed in creative flow, I experience myself in perfect synchrony with the universe. I’m very creative and artistic. When engrossed in a creative stint, I may paint and write for hours, occasionally even days, without rest.
Right now I’m about to attend collage and study psychology. My dream is to counsel people and help them find happiness. I love giving people advice and solving people-related problems. I feel that in order to solve the myriad humanitarian crises facing the world, we must first gain a better foothold on the fundamentals of human nature and human behavior. We need to better understand ourselves—our motives, behaviors, and personality. My greatest joy is in helping people and knowing that I’m making this world a brighter place.
Words I would choose to describe myself:
deep, complex, loving, gentle, caring, friendly, intuitive, dreamer, visionary, idealist, mystic, philosopher, supportive, understanding, helpful, authentic, individualistic, original, quiet, spiritual, wise, compassionate, otherwordly, artistic, creative, passionate, determined, commited