Because my life is full of awkward moments and embarrassing situations, I‘ve decided to write a second part to my article “My socially awkward moments“. Here are another socially awkward stories from my life that are only a proof that I‘m a queen of social awkwardness. Enjoy!
The following story sounds like something you would see in a movie. I really wish I could say I made it up. But I swear to God, it really happened. I attract these awkward situations like a magnet…
A few years ago we had a student exchange program in Germany. This embarrassing situation happened during my first dinner with the entire family of my German exchange partner. It was a formal setting with a large group of people. I was wearing a red dress and shoes with high heels.
This is an accurate example of how other girls walk in heels vs. how I walk in heels (I‘m the one on the left if you didn‘t guess it):
While we were making plans for dinner, I leaned back on my heels and, you guessed it, the heel of my boot snapped off. Just one. So I’m terrified, trying to think of what to do. Her mother and sister were sympathetic, but I was so embarrassed…
But it gets better.
I tend to act completely retarded when I eat in public.
We ate a tomato soup for dinner and me being my awkward self, I splashed the whole soup all over my dress.
So here I am, walking around with one of the heels of my boots gone, tomato soup all over the front of my dress… I’m done. I want to leave.
Oh, but it gets better.
As I say goodbye to the family, I go to wave, and a hard metal bracelet I had on, FLIES OFF my wrist, and just misses hitting her mom in the head. Luckily, her whole family has a decent sense of humor. Her dad said something like: “We better get out of here before her clothes fall off!”
I was absolutely mortified. I got in my room and cried for twenty minutes.
Something I absolutely hate and I‘m sure that a lot of you had to deal with this as well: speaking to someone you don‘t know on the phone.
So… say I have to call a bank for some reason. After an hour of putting it off and procrastinating, I finally dial their number. Then the person at a bank answers the phone and they‘re like: “Yes, of course I can help you! I‘m just gonna need to ask you a few questions first.” Then this person bombards me with hundreds of specific questions! And I‘m just sitting on the other line like: “Eh, hmmm, eeehh”. I get really flustered and I can‘t speak to them like I‘m a normal human being…
Another example of my exceptional social skills is that I fail at ordering food in restaurants. First of all I spend at least 30 minutes deciding exactly what I want before I speak to anybody. But when I go to order and they say what I want isn‘t available, or if they start asking if I want extras or if I want my food in a certain way… Well you know what, at this point you might as well just bring me a DAMN COCONUT because I‘ve lost every thought that was in my brain!
So I usually just end up saying yes and getting whatever they give me. I‘m sure one day I will end up with a coconut…
I‘m an expert in dropping things. I literally drop things for no reason! I will be walking along, perfectly fine, and then all of a sudden, my brain will just cut out and I will drop whatever I‘m holding.
Usually it isn‘t that much of a problem, but sometimes it can be a real limitation of my life.
For example, my mom asks me to carry some stuff she just bought from her car. I‘ll pick up a glass bottle and guess what, I‘ll drop it. I‘m carrying a basket full of laundry upstairs and in the middle of the stairs, I‘ll drop it. Or someone tells me: “Pass the salt”. And I drop it. A friend asks me: “Hold my bag for a second” and I drop it on the floor. It‘s not easy keeping friends when you‘re like this…
Afterwords I‘m like: “Oh god, I‘m so sorry, I didn‘t mean to!”
Seriously, never let me hold anything of yours that you wouldn‘t want if got broken or dropped in a puddle…
But the worst thing is when this happens in public. Like in the following case: I was having lunch in a school cafeteria and I had to walk through the entire room to return back my plate. It was nothing unusual, I used to do this every single day. But on that particular day, my level of social awkwardness was especially high. As I was walking, I felt extremely awkward that people were watching me. And when people are looking at me, my body stops listening to me. Suddenly, I dropped all that I was carrying in my hands on the floor! My plates with rest of food on them, my cup, my bag… Everything was laying broken on the floor. And this happened in front of 100+ people and literally all of my teachers saw it. After a few moments of dead silence, the entire cafeteria burst out laughing.
All students and classmates were laughing like it was the funniest thing they have ever seen.
Some of my teachers were giggling, but some of them had this stare on their faces that screamed: “I‘ll kill you! What have you done?!”
In that moment I didn‘t know what to do. I‘ve tried to collect the broken pieces of everything, but it just wasn‘t working. Then some people came and started to clean up the mess I‘ve made. I could still hear people laughing. In that moment I felt like the most awkward person on the planet.
After this incident my fame in school has risen to incredible heights. I‘ve managed to make my already horrible reputation in school even worse.
I was in a class and we had a new teacher. The teacher asked us to introduce ourselves and say what we like to do. Everyone was saying the typical boring shit like go to clubs, dance, go out to bars, hang out with friends, sports, blah… Then I said something like this:
Me: “I like to study theories that catch my eye or fascinate me, like quantum physics, for example. I‘m especially intrigued with the Many-Worlds Interpretation. I‘m also interested in psychology, biology, astronomy and history. I would go on Wikipedia and start reading, but then I see something I am curious about and end up hopping from page to page for like three hours.” Then I realized that what I just said made me look like the biggest nerd on the planet. So in attempt to make myself look more normal, I added: “And I like traveling, listening to music, reading, writing and painting. ” (But I knew that it was too late, because everyone looked at me like I was a space alien).
The teacher: You have now established that you are the smartest person in the room.
*awkward laughter from the entire classroom*
Me: *mental face palm*
(Not really sure whether to take that as a compliment…?) But seriously, why couldn‘t I just say something normal? I told them the truth and sounded like a nerd…
So since then, I officially became the queen of school nerds.
Which is not the best position to be in, because everyone hates nerds.
Unless we were writing a test. Then suddenly everyone starts acting like they‘re my best friend.
Everyone wants to sit next to me, so they can copy my answers. Literally, before every exam our entire class had a fight who will get the privilege to sit next to me.
I give the WORST direction advice ever. If you ever get lost and need someone to tell you how you get to a specific place, the last person you want to ask is me. I hate it when someone stops me on the street and asks me where do they find this and that street. Like why would you do that to me? I wasn‘t ready for you to ask me this question. Why would you expect me to know where that is? DO I LOOK INTELLIGENT?! So I usually just end up pointing in a random direction and saying: “go this way”, just so they leave me alone. I don‘t know how many times I did this, but I apologize to all people I caused serious trouble because of my awkwardness. I‘m sorry…
What is the thing I am especially bad at? Dating. I mean it doesn‘t happen very often because, OBVIOUSLY, who would ask ME on a date? But if it happens, I make sure that I make a complete fool of myself. Usually I don‘t make it past the first date, because I embarrass myself so efficiently, that these people never want to see me again. Like with that one guy I talked about in the first part of this series on which I spilled my drink and then ran away. It‘s like when I‘m on a date, I lose all my intelligence, all my charm and all there is left is my awkwardness.
Another embarrassing date happened when I was at a summer camp. Don‘t get me wrong, I enjoyed the camp, I had a time of my life. But there was too much social interaction. 24 hours all days a week was incredibly energy draining for me. After two weeks of spending zero time alone, the only thing I craved was some alone time with my favorite book. One day I was in especially bad mood when one guy asked me out. I was soo low on energy and soo annoyed, that the last thing I wanted is to go somewhere with this guy. I knew that acting like a normal person is not going to be possible tonight. So I said “no” many times, but this guy seemed to really like me and he just didn‘t want to go away! So I was forced to agree.
But this time I didn‘t get nervous and I didn‘t try to impress him. I decided to do a complete opposite. I acted like a bitch on purpose. I know, it doesn‘t sound like me, I‘m usually very nice to people and I‘m never mean to anyone.
But this time, all I wanted was to be left alone. So I did everything I could that made me look like horrible person. I didn‘t talk to him very much and when I did, I made sure that I say something rude or offensive. I played the role of a cold hearted self centered narcissist very well and I think that at the end of the evening, this guy was so freaked out, that he never spoke to me again.
Well, now I feel bad for that poor guy that I treated so badly for my own selfish reasons…
I hope he didn‘t take it personally. I can go very far from who I truly am if I don‘t get my alone time and if you overstimulate me with too much social interaction. So which lesson did you get from this story? Never force an introvert to socially interact with you if they are low on energy and need some time to recharge. Never underestimate the things we can do when you force us to go out!
I made a complete fool out of myself when I was getting my haircut a few years ago. Hair salons make me nervous as there are people everywhere and there are mirrors everywhere. The lighting in that salon made my face look really terrible and I just felt like I looked a mess compared to the hair stylists.
When I get nervous and socially anxious I become really inarticulate and have a stutter. I didn’t have much to say to the girl who was cutting my hair and there were some points when I literally sounded retarded.
Why do these things always happen to me?!!