Tag Archive | my life

My socially awkward moments – Part 2

Because my life is full of awkward moments and embarrassing situations, Ive decided to write a second part to my article “My socially awkward moments“. Here are another socially awkward stories from my life that are only a proof that Im a queen of social awkwardness. Enjoy!


The following story sounds like something you would see in a movie. I really wish I could say I made it up.  But I swear to God, it really happened. I attract these awkward situations like a magnet…

A few years ago we had a student exchange program in Germany. This embarrassing situation happened during my first dinner with the entire family of my German exchange partner. It was a formal setting with a large group of people. I was wearing a red dress and shoes with high heels.

This is an accurate example of how other girls walk in heels vs. how I walk in heels (Im the one on the left if you didnt guess it):

She's weak, ignore her

While we were making plans for dinner, I leaned back on my heels and, you guessed it, the heel of my boot snapped off. Just one. So I’m terrified, trying to think of what to do. Her mother and sister were sympathetic, but I was so embarrassed…

But it gets better.

I tend to act completely retarded when I eat in public.

Eating withyour mouth open

We ate a tomato soup for dinner and me being my awkward self, I splashed the whole soup all over my dress.

So here I am, walking around with one of the heels of my boots gone, tomato soup all over the front of my dress… I’m done. I want to leave.

Oh, but it gets better.

As I say goodbye to the family, I go to wave, and a hard metal bracelet I had on, FLIES OFF my wrist, and just misses hitting her mom in the head. Luckily, her whole family has a decent sense of humor. Her dad said something like: “We better get out of here before her clothes fall off!”

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I was absolutely mortified. I got in my room and cried for twenty minutes.

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Something I absolutely hate and Im sure that a lot of you had to deal with this as well: speaking to someone you dont know on the phone.

So… say I have to call a bank for some reason. After an hour of putting it off and procrastinating, I finally dial their number. Then the person at a bank answers the phone and theyre like: “Yes, of course I can help you! Im just gonna need to ask you a few questions first.” Then this person bombards me with hundreds of specific questions! And Im just sitting on the other line like: “Eh, hmmm, eeehh”. I get really flustered and I cant speak to them like Im a normal human being…

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Another example of my exceptional social skills is that I fail at ordering food in restaurants. First of all I spend at least 30 minutes deciding exactly what I want before I speak to anybody. But when I go to order and they say what I want isnt available, or if they start asking if I want extras or if I want my food in a certain way… Well you know what, at this point you might as well just bring me a DAMN COCONUT because Ive lost every thought that was in my brain!

So I usually just end up saying yes and getting whatever they give me. Im sure one day I will end up with a coconut…

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Im an expert in dropping things. I literally drop things for no reason! I will be walking along, perfectly fine, and then all of a sudden, my brain will just cut out and I will drop whatever Im holding.

Rafiki Drops Simba

Usually it isnt that much of a problem, but sometimes it can be a real limitation of my life.

For example, my mom asks me to carry some stuff she just bought from her car. Ill pick up a glass bottle and guess what, Ill drop it. Im carrying a basket full of laundry upstairs and in the middle of the stairs, Ill drop it. Or someone tells me: “Pass the salt”. And I drop it. A friend asks me: “Hold my bag for a second”  and I drop it on the floor. Its not easy keeping friends when youre like this…

Afterwords Im like: “Oh god, Im so sorry, I didnt mean to!”

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Seriously, never let me hold anything of yours that you wouldnt want if got broken or dropped in a puddle…

But the worst thing is when this happens in public. Like in the following case: I was having lunch in a school cafeteria and I had to walk through the entire room to return back my plate. It was nothing unusual, I used to do this every single day. But on that particular day, my level of social awkwardness was especially high. As I was walking, I felt extremely awkward that people were watching me. And when people are looking at me, my body stops listening to me. Suddenly, I dropped all that I was carrying in my hands on the floor! My plates with rest of food on them, my cup, my bag… Everything was laying broken on the floor. And this happened in front of 100+ people and literally all of my teachers saw it. After a few moments of dead silence, the entire cafeteria burst out laughing.

Funny

All students and classmates were laughing like it was the funniest thing they have ever seen.

Busting Up

Some of my teachers were giggling, but some of them had this stare on their faces that screamed: “Ill kill you! What have you done?!”

In that moment I didnt know what to do. Ive tried to collect the broken pieces of everything, but it just wasnt working. Then some people came and started to clean up the mess Ive made. I could still hear people laughing. In that moment I felt like the most awkward person on the planet.

After this incident my fame in school has risen to incredible heights. Ive managed to make my already horrible reputation in school even worse.

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I was in a class and we had a new teacher. The teacher asked us to introduce ourselves and say what we like to do. Everyone was saying the typical boring shit like go to clubs, dance, go out to bars, hang out with friends, sports, blah… Then I said something like this:

Me: “I like to study theories that catch my eye or fascinate me, like quantum physics, for example. Im especially intrigued with the Many-Worlds Interpretation. Im also interested in psychology, biology, astronomy and history. I would go on Wikipedia and start reading, but then I see something I am curious about and end up hopping from page to page for like three hours.” Then I realized that what I just said made me look like the biggest nerd on the planet. So in attempt to make myself look more normal, I added: “And I like traveling, listening to music, reading, writing and painting. ” (But I knew that it was too late, because everyone looked at me like I was a space alien).

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The teacher: You have now established that you are the smartest person in the room.

*awkward laughter from the entire classroom*

Me: *mental face palm*

(Not really sure whether to take that as a compliment…?) But seriously, why couldnt I just say something normal? I told them the truth and sounded like a nerd…

So since then, I officially became the queen of school nerds.

cat animated GIF

Which is not the best position to be in, because everyone hates nerds.

nerds

Unless we were writing a test. Then suddenly everyone starts acting like theyre my best friend.

Friends Forever

Everyone wants to sit next to me, so they can copy my answers. Literally, before every exam our entire class had a fight who will get the privilege to sit next to me.

fight


I give the WORST direction advice ever. If you ever get lost and need someone to tell you how you get to a specific place, the last person you want to ask is me. I hate it when someone stops me on the street and asks me where do they find this and that street. Like why would you do that to me? I wasnt ready for you to ask me this question. Why would you expect me to know where that is? DO I LOOK INTELLIGENT?! So I usually just end up pointing in a random direction and saying: “go this way”, just so they leave me alone. I dont know how many times I did this, but I apologize to all people I caused serious trouble because of my awkwardness. I‘m sorry…

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What is the thing I am especially bad at? Dating. I mean it doesnt happen very often because, OBVIOUSLY, who would ask ME on a date? But if it happens, I make sure that I make a complete fool of myself. Usually I dont make it past the first date, because I embarrass myself so efficiently, that these people never want to see me again. Like with that one guy I talked about in the first part of this series on which I spilled my drink and then ran away. Its like when Im on a date, I lose all my intelligence, all my charm and all there is left is my awkwardness.

Another embarrassing date happened when I was at a summer camp. Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed the camp, I had a time of my life. But there was too much social interaction. 24 hours all days a week was incredibly energy draining for me. After two weeks of spending zero time alone, the only thing I craved was some alone time with my favorite book. One day I was in especially bad mood when one guy asked me out. I was soo low on energy and soo annoyed, that the last thing I wanted is to go somewhere with this guy. I knew that acting like a normal person is not going to be possible tonight. So I said “no” many times, but this guy seemed to really like me and he just didnt want to go away! So I was forced to agree.

But this time I didnt get nervous and I didnt try to impress him. I decided to do a complete opposite. I acted like a bitch on purpose. I know, it doesnt sound like me, Im usually very nice to people and Im never mean to anyone.

But this time, all I wanted was to be left alone. So I did everything I could that made me look like horrible person. I didnt talk to him very much and when I did, I made sure that I say something rude or offensive. I played the role of a cold hearted self centered narcissist very well and I think that at the end of the evening, this guy was so freaked out, that he never spoke to me again.

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Well, now I feel bad for that poor guy that I treated so badly for my own selfish reasons…

nick miller do i regret it yes gif

I hope he didnt take it personally. I can go very far from who I truly am if I dont get my alone time and if you overstimulate me with too much social interaction. So which lesson did you get from this story? Never force an introvert to socially interact with you if they are low on energy and need some time to recharge. Never underestimate the things we can do when you force us to go out!


I made a complete fool out of myself when I was getting my haircut a few years ago. Hair salons make me nervous as there are people everywhere and there are mirrors everywhere. The lighting in that salon made my face look really terrible and I just felt like I looked a mess compared to the hair stylists. 

When I get nervous and socially anxious I become really inarticulate and have a stutter. I didn’t have much to say to the girl who was cutting my hair and there were some points when I literally sounded retarded. 


Why do these things always happen to me?!!

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A brutally honest post

Today I had a fight with my mother again. That’s nothing strange about that, we fight since I was born at least a few times in a week, depending on how much time we spend with each other. I’m not going to go to great depths about our relationship because I’ve already described it in this article. 

My mother functions for me as my clearest mirror. She reflects to me all the negative beliefs that I have about myself.

This is a list of things she says about me that make me feel bad about myself:

  • She says that I’m a boring person with no opinions
  • She says that I’m not competent and practical enough to live a life
  • She says that I’m not independent enough and I always rely on other people to help
  • She says that I’m not normal because I have no friends and no social life
  • She says I have chosen a horrible field of study and that I will never be able to find a job
  • She says that I will end up poor, alone and unemployed and that I will live with my parents forever
  • She says that I’m not likable enough for people to love me
  • She says that I’m stupid and naive
  • She says that no one will ever love me because I’m too weird and defected
  • She says that I’m lazy and unproductive
  • She says I’m crazy because I spend all of my time at home alone
  • She says that I won’t be accepted to any university because I’m not smart enough
  • She says that I’m not deserving to exist

I’m not making these things up. She literally said all of them straight to my face. And she says them regularly. Now it’s easy to understand why I grew up believing I was a worthless piece of nothing that deserves no love. And everyone treated me that way because that was the vibration I was emitting. I constantly saw proof and evidence of how I was worthless.

It’s like a vicious circle. Once you have a core belief, it manifests itself in all aspects of your life. Your entire reality is based on that belief and you see the evidence supporting that belief everywhere you go. It’s impossible to get out of this vicious circle when you don’t know that your beliefs create your reality. And it’s hard to believe that you create your own reality when you live in a society that conditions you to believe in the exact opposite. It’s easy to believe that life is pointless and the universe is against you.

Today I asked myself what would my mother have to believe to be true in order to say things that she says. This is what I found out:

  • She believes that life is pointless
  • She believes that people are divided in good and bad
  • She believes that some people are born better than the others
  • She believes that the world is a horrible and unfair place
  • She believes that you have to have certain qualities and personality traits in order to be worthy and deserve to exist
  • She believes that life is based on chance and that there are things you can do nothing about
  • She believes that she is not good enough
  • She believes that there are no good things awaiting for her in the future

I came to understanding that I function as a mirror for my mother too. I reflect to her all of her shadow sides. She sees her failures and her biggest fears in me. Just like I see my biggest fears in her. I’m not the only one that is frustrated. She is sad and frustrated as well. She believes that she’s worthless and that she has failed as a mother and in her entire life in general. She has a sad and depressing life. Only suffering creates suffering.

I feel empathy and compassion for my mother. I wish there would be something I could do to help her. I’ve tried many times, but she simply can’t understand my perspective. When she looks at me and my life, she only sees evidence of how she is worthless. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to make her like me, she only sees what she wants to see.

The fact that my mothers comments are making me upset reflects to me that I have to believe in these things too otherwise they wouldn’t hurt me. If I truly didn’t believed any of these things, I wouldn’t have such a strong emotional reaction to them. I would simply recognize that these things have nothing to do with me so why should I bother? So to some degree I must believe in these things or at least I’m afraid that they might actually be true.

I’m going to ask myself this question: What would I have to believe to be true to end up feeling this way?

  • I would have to believe that I might be worthless.
  • I would have to believe that there is something wrong with me.
  • I would have to believe that I’m not smart and good enough.
  • I would have to believe that I don’t deserve love.

It’s true that I mostly believe that I’m worthless. I put myself down and focus primarily on things that I dislike about myself. I worry too much about the future and I always think about how can something go wrong. I feel guilty because of my past and I’m afraid of my future.

I have dedicated many years of my life to self improvement. Since I can remember I always believed that I need to improve myself. I believed that I need to fix myself, because I felt that as I am right now is not good enough. I thought that I need to change my personality in order to be a valuable human being. That’s why I have been interested in self help literature in the first place. I didn’t start to read motivational literature just for fun, I started to read motivational literature to find techniques on how I can restructure myself in order to be worth something.

I’ve tried so hard to make myself a good human being. I read every book and article I could find on self love. I watched all the documentaries and videos on self improvement. I followed all new age spiritual teachers. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to work. Just as I thought that I did it and I no longer have to face the same issues, suddenly everything crashed and I found myself in square one. Nothing has changed. I did this so many times and I always ended up disappointed. I started to use my constant failure as an evidence of my worthlessness, because apparently, I’m not good enough and powerful enough to change it . I thought that something must be horribly wrong with me because I just keep repeating the same mistake all the time.

I’ve never been so obsessed with self love like I’m right now. I’ve made a commitment at the beginning of this year to make self love my priority. Since then, there wasn’t a day I wouldn’t be dealing with self love. I wrote so many articles on how to love yourself,  I even gave advice to some people. One would have thought that I’m a self love expert. And yet, I still have self hating tendencies today.

I know the root of my self hating behavior. When I was cca. 3 years old, I started to feel abandoned by my parents and people around me. As a child I interpreted it as something that I have done wrong. I felt like something must be wrong with me and I started to  believe in it. Because of this I was a very shy child. I started to suppress myself at very young age. Other kids were expressive, cheerful and loud, but I was quiet, I hated games and I looked sad and pessimistic. The teachers in kindergarten didn’t like me and they told my mother that there’s something wrong with me and that I should visit a psychologist. My mother was upset because of it and I blamed myself for making other people sad. I felt like I was a bad and defected person and that everything and everyone is against me. Throughout my whole life, people have been telling me that it’s not good to be shy and afraid. So I started to hate this about myself and I rejected this part of myself. When I was about 10 years old, I started to work on changing myself in order to deserve love and become a valuable person.

But even after all those years of studying self help literature, unhealed wounds from my childhood keep on reappearing in my life. I’m extremely scared of rejection. I can’t stand the feeling of being rejected by someone. I can’t feel worthy when other people disapprove of me. But what I’m afraid the most is my own self rejection. When I’m interacting with someone, it’s not their opinion on me that I’m actually scared of. They don’t even know me, so why should I care? What I’m scared of is that I’m going to disappoint myself. I’m scared that I won’t make the good impression that I desire. In my eyes that’s a failure. And I can’t stand failures. I’m convinced that when I fail, it means that I’m a worthless piece of nothing that doesn’t deserve any love.

I know this sounds pretty cruel. But I’m not overreacting. I believe in my own worthlessness, otherwise I would not react in this way. I wouldn’t feel this way. I understand that I can’t have a feeling about something unless I assign a specific belief to it. I’m experiencing my reality according to my own beliefs and definitions. I understand all of this, theoretically. I see this particular belief as it’s manifesting itself everywhere I look. But why is it so hard to put this theoretical knowledge into practice?

I think I know the answer. I’m berating myself for continuing to buy into those things beyond the point that I recognize that I have the ability not to.

I know that I create my own reality. It’s an undeniable fact to me at this point. And it has been clear to me for a while now. When I first found out about the fact that I create my own reality, first of all I have gotten pretty frustrated because it means that I have created all of this suffering for myself. I could not blame anyone else, it was all my fault. It was my fault that I have attracted to myself such a sad childhood.  But instead of using the knowledge of my own creator power to change my reality into something I would prefer, I was still blaming myself for my past. I didn’t forgive myself, instead I was beating myself up and hating myself for what I have done. In my eyes it was an evidence of how horrible I am.

Well, I can’t say that I haven’t changed at all. Things have changed over the years. I’m not as self hating as I was when I was 12 – 13 years old. I can even write a list of things that I love about myself and that list is gigantic (with more than 100 reasons). I wrote a list of things I hate about myself and I couldn’t come up with more than 8. But even though I have 20 times more reasons to love myself than I have to hate myself, I still focus mainly on the things I hate about myself. I’m so bothered by those few things that I don’t pay attention to any of my wonderful qualities, instead I blame myself for not overcoming those few things that I dislike.

Reasons why I hate myself:

  • I’m shy.
  • I’m afraid to express myself, to open up to people and to show my true self because I fear rejection.
  • I’m secretive and I isolate myself.
  • I obviously can’t change and it doesn’t matter how hard I try.
  • I don’t believe I can achieve anything and I see myself as less then anyone else.
  • I’m a horrible procrastinator.
  • I waste my life.
  • I’m not smart enough.
  • My life is a failure.

I now know the reason why all of my previous attempts to change myself and to improve myself failed. It’s because you can’t overcome what is inside yourself or part of yourself. As soon as you identify with something, it is you. And from that point forward, to try to overcome those things, is to put one part of you at war with another part of yourself.

I was resisting aspects of myself. I tried to avoid certain type of behavior at all costs. This type of behavior was something I strongly identified with. And because I was resisting it so hard, I kept attracting it into my reality. I was resisting myself and that is self-hate, and therefore it is self-destruction.

Now it’s clear to me why I haven’t made any progress in years and why do I still hate myself. Even though I have healed many layers of this issue, it still hasn’t been healed completely. Healing happens in layers, so to expect myself to love myself completely in just few seconds is impossible, especially if I have been hating myself for decades. Today I have reached another stage of healing. Possibly it can be the last stage, since I have just uncovered the root of my problem.

Another reason why self love seems so unachievable to me is because self love is my ultimate goal. Most of the time I’m in pain. Why did I find my way to the spiritual life and to self-help in the first place?  Because for me, happiness is not easy. For me, happiness is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just when it seems like I have found success at last, something happens to separate me from it. It drives me mad.

But why is it so? Deep down, I don’t feel worthy of happiness because I feel like I’m bad or defective. I fear that it is inevitable that the universe already knows that I’m bad and is therefore out to punish me.  And I fear that people will one day discover that I’m bad or that something is wrong with me and abandon me because of it.

So what is the solution for me? How do I finally get out of this vicious circle of self hate?

I have to stop blaming myself, stop blaming everyone or anyone. I just have to understand that I now have the ability to recognize what I prefer and what I don’t. And just because that someone might have taught me more of what I don’t prefer doesn’t mean now that I have to hold on to those beliefs if I really don’t prefer them. I did the best I could. I’m always doing the best I can.

It’s time for me to tell myself a different story, time to be a different story. I don’t have to buy into the old stories if I don’t prefer to. I am old enough to make that decision on my own.

Sorry for this extremely long post. It might have been too depressing but I wrote it the way I truly feel. I don’t expect anyone to read this anyway. I just wrote it for myself because writing about my feelings makes me feel better and I have much more clarity about what I believe to be true about myself. It helps me in my own healing process and what do I know, maybe there are people out there that may be struggling with similar issues as well.

I’m too hard on myself

I have noticed that most of the time I behave very unlovingly towards myself. I am too harsh on myself. I do not appreciate my successes and I put myself down for everything that I think has gone wrong. I have the tendency to only pay attention to what I consider my flaws than my strengths.

I place extremely high standards on myself. I expect myself to be above it all. I feel like I should have already mastered everything. Whenever I feel negative emotion I start to think that something must have gone terribly wrong. I resist negative emotion and think it has no positive meaning. Therefore the negative emotion sticks around and I feel like crap constantly.

I especially noticed this tendency of mine while I’m studying. I usually  don’t enjoy it and I force myself to study. I tell myself I should be studying. But at the same time I’m avoiding to study at all costs. That means I wake up and tell myself I’m going to start studying. But after a few minutes I get bored and I find myself on the internet. I know I shouldn’t be doing this and I feel guilty for it but I still continue with distracting myself. After what is usually a few hours I go back to studying. Then I get bored and again I’m on the internet. I don’t enjoy it as much as I would because I constantly feel like I am betraying myself and I am wasting my life. At the end of the day I feel totally horrible about myself. I know I have done nothing productive all day and I am ruining my life.

But it’s not always so. Sometimes I study hard (usually short before the exam). The problem is that I am a horrible perfectionist. I never think I have done enough. I always tell myself I could do better. That’s why I usually get best grades and still I am not satisfied. It’s like I can’t appreciate myself. I definitely should stop with this kind of behavior. Especially when my ultimate goal is to love myself.

From this moment on I promise to myself that I will never be too hard on myself again.

I promise that I will study effectively and I won’t be using any distractions. I will set myself a time that I will study and after It’s over I am going to allow myself to do anything that I want. And I won’t have to feel guilty about myself while having fun. That’s going to increase my productivity and I’m going to feel good about myself.

I also promise to myself that I will appreciate each one of my achievements. I will stop paying attention to all my “failures” and I will look at my successes. Every time I successfully learn something I will be proud of myself. After every single passed exam I am going to reward myself. I will do something extremely self loving.

At the end of each day I will write into my diary all the thing that I am proud I did. I will write everything that I appreciate about myself and my day.

pritomnyokamih

School succes

Guys! I passed one of my collage exams!

I know it seems like no big deal but to me it is amazing because I had started with learning 2 days before the exam. Usually I am that kind of a person that starts with learning months prior the exam so I know everything perfectly but this time I was so insanely lazy that I have done nothing at all for months and I realized a few days before the exam that I know absolutely nothing! So I started learning intensely but I still did not read the books I was supposed to read and the articles I was supposed to read… I just learned what I thought was the most important part and guess what – I got grade 3!

I cant believe this cause I thought I must have failed it. I was so sure I will have to repeat it.

This was my face when I knew I was going to find out about the results:

This was me praying before finding out:

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This was me when I saw the results:

And when I realized I have passed:

And this is how I feel now:

My story

Today I’m going to tell you my story.

I was an extremely shy kid. I was afraid to express myself. I kept everything to myself. I showed a passive attitude towards everything. I had absolutely no friends. Everyone thought that something was wrong with me. Teachers told my mother to bring me to a therapist because I didn’t behave like other kids.

I don’t know why I behaved like this since such an early age. But I know it wasn’t natural to me. I wasn’t happy as a child. I lived in constant fear of rejection. I was afraid to talk to anyone because I thought I wasn’t worthy of their time. I thought I don’t deserve anything. The belief that something is wrong with me was so very present within my being even at the age of 3. And because I believed it so strongly, my outside reality couldn’t do anything else but to reflect to me my own feelings of rejection. Everyone was telling me I wasn’t alright. For me it was a confirmation that I was born unworthy and suffering is all that I deserved.

I have to ask myself how did I even started to think I was unworthy at the age of 3? How did I come to believe such a thing? I think it was based on how I interpreted things that were going on around me. When I was 2.5 years old, my brother was born. Suddenly all the attention turned to him. Until then I was used to get all of the attention. I used to talk a lot, I was a loud and cheerful. But when he was born, everyone seemed to care about him. I felt rejected. I felt like I have done something wrong. I started feeling unworthy. Now I know my parents still loved me, they just didn’t have time to care about me all the time. But when I was little I didn’t understand that and I interpreted it in my own way.

The belief of being unworthy grew even stronger when I was in elementary school. I still had no friend, all the kids made fun of me. Teachers didn’t like me because I was always quiet and I didn’t seem to be very smart. The worst year for me was in 4th grade. My family moved to a different city and I had to visit different school. Since day one all my classmates hated me and made fun of me. I was being bullied in school every day. Life became hell for me. When I came home from school I didn’t feel the support from my family. I never told them about anything that I was experiencing. It’s like I lived in a shell, I created my own world. In my mind I wasn’t worthy of anything and I believed that everything  that was happening to me I deserved completely.

After one year I left that school and went to gymnasium. Everyone was surprised that I passed the entrance exams including my family, because they thought I wasn’t especially smart. I thought that maybe I will find some friends in the new school. But unfortunately I wasn’t popular there at all. No one wanted to be my friend and kids were laughing at me. I was disappointed, but it only convinced me that I am less then the others.

I few years went by like this. Then I started exploring spirituality and I started reading motivational and self help literature. I learned that I am the creator of my own reality and that I’m unconditionally loved. Of course I didn’t understand it fully in just one day. You don’t go from the vibration of total powerlessness to total self acceptance so easily. Healing happens in layers. It took me years to integrate it into my life. That is when life started to get better for me. I was no longer in such a victim mentality so I attracted myself a few friends. We were all the outsiders in school and the weirdos but that is what brought us together. I created a blog 5 years ago where I started to write about my experiences and opinions. Thanks to internet a get to know many interesting people. For the first time in my life I felt like I belong somewhere and I’m not alone in this.

Since then my life is getting better and better. I can tell that I’m a completely different person. I’m much closer to my true self. I know I’m not quite there yet but I’m on a right track. And I enjoy this ride we call life. Now I know that all of my childhood experience was a part of the plan. I think that one of the primary intentions I had for this life before I even manifested in this physical body was to know my true worth. And how would I know what being worthy is if I didn’t experience the feeling of being unworthy? With my childhood I have created for myself the perfect contrast for everything I needed to learn. Now when I have gone through feelings of total powerlessness and victim mentality and healed myself, I can use my knowledge to help others find their true self and reach their highest potential. An there is nothing I would love to do more than this! 🙂