We all experience socially awkward situations. We all have had moments where we wish the floor would swallow us up. It’s perfectly normal from time to time. But when I look back at my life, my life is a series of awkward moments. I’ve had so many of these awkward situations that I can call myself the master of social awkwardness.
Today I’m going to share some of my most embarrassing moments and stories with you. All of these situations come from my past and early teenage years when I used to be the walking and talking embodiment of social awkwardness itself. I should get an award considering with how many socially awkward situations I had to deal with during my relatively short lifetime.
I’m not that socially awkward anymore. As I’m getting more comfortable with myself, it’s becoming easier for me to act like a proper human being. The fact that I can now laugh at my failures and embarrassing moments is a sign of recovery. I can assure you it wasn’t funny at all when I was experiencing them. In the middle of these situations I felt like the worst person on the planet that doesn’t deserve to be here. But now when I look back at all of my embarrassing moments, I find them quite amusing. Sure, I acted like a complete fool but at least I have now interesting stories to tell people. As horrible as it feels when these things are happening, laughing at the situation later is inevitable!
I warn you, this post is going to be very awkward. I have taken social awkwardness to a whole new level. If at the end of the article you think that I’m absolutely crazy and you don’t want to have anything to do with me, it’s perfectly understandable.
I use gifs and images to better illustrate the awkwardness of each situation. Because:
Here is a list of socially awkward moments I used to experience on a daily basis (I do some of them until this day, therefore the present tense):
- Whenever I see someone I know in public, I avoid him or her like the plague. I’m like a ninja. I will do things that no one else will do. I can hide from any walker in the blink of an eye.
- I would rather volunteer for the Hunger Games than volunteer to speak in class.
- Elevator rides with strangers are my personal version of hell.
- I say “hi” to someone. It usually comes out as a whisper.
- I tend to avoid eye contact with people.
- I am constantly planning what I am going to say before speaking, but it never comes out the way I plan.
- When I am with a friend and they’re talking to someone I don’t know, I just stand there behind them saying nothing.
- I am extremely awkward in my greetings with people and my goodbyes.
- I say goodbye to a person. Then we start walking the same way.
- Someone calls me the wrong name. I don’t bother to correct them.
- When I don’t feel like hanging out with someone I’m able to do anything to escape socializing. Maybe even this:
- My dance moves result in public humiliation.
- I have nightmares about having to maintain conversation with a hairstylist.
- My friend introduces me to someone and then immediately leaves to go to the bathroom. So much awkward staring, so much fake texting.
- No matter where I go or whom I’m with, I always find a way to embarrass myself.
- Eating in public usually ends like a total disaster for me.
- When a stranger stares at me I have no idea what to do.
- My voice may crack or go high at random moments. This makes me feel even more socially awkward than ever. It is not a nice thing to happen.
- Small talk is a big problem for me. There are only two options for me: Stand there awkwardly in silence or say something completely inappropriate in hope of starting a conversation:
- Attempting to flirt is like speaking a foreign language to me.
- I don’t respond well to compliments and usually start jumbling words together and make no sense.
- In casual situations involving small talk, I tend to subconsciously have a nervous tic –like biting my nails or playing with my hair.
- When invited to a party or any other social gathering I’d rather just chill at home than risk embarrassing myself in the outside world.
- Sometimes I accidentally hold hands with a stranger in public transport.
- When my casual acquaintances complain that I hardly talk, my best friends laugh in their faces, and say: She never shuts up.
- Everyone knows the difference between my real laugh and my awkward laugh and I never know which will make an appearance.
- When I am trying to make a joke but then forgetting the punch line halfway through.
These were just random socially awkward moments I deal with regularly. Now here is a collection of some majorly awkward stories that actually happened to me. I hope I won’t get in trouble for posting them publicly on the internet. The reason I’m doing this is because I want to encourage other people that might think they are socially awkward, but in comparison to me, they’re pretty normal. And you can probably laugh at my stupid failures. Seriously, if you don’t think I’m weird already, this is going to convince you:
One day I was walking on a street and spotted a person in a distance that I know but I wanted to avoid her. I was trying so hard not to be noticed that I suddenly lost all my motor skills. I tripped and fell down epicly on the floor. Not only the person I tried to avoid noticed me but the entire street saw it. It looked kind of similar to this:
I hate parties. I’ve been to a party only a few times in my life and regretted it later every single time. I remember very well what was it like for the first time. To begin with I didn’t wanted to attend the party at all. It was a regular Friday night after a long week of school and I just wanted to have a nice evening by myself lying curled up in bed with my laptop as usual. It could have been such a great night… But no, my friend was trying to convince me to attend this party for days. I said “no” maybe hundred times, but on the 101th time I’ve heard a small voice in my head saying: “What if it’s actually fun? You won’t know unless you try.” And then I agreed to come. The party felt like hell to me. So many people everywhere, strangers, uncomfortable small talk, no interesting conversations, no fascinating people… Soo energy draining for me. There were drunk people everywhere, awful music was playing too loudly, I couldn’t breathe in that smoke. I seriously don’t understand how can someone enjoy it. My friends weren’t even noticing me. I was just standing by myself in a corner wishing a black hole would swallow me up.
So the evening ended up being a total disaster. I felt so awkward standing there in the corner just observing and I didn’t know what to do.
‘So what did I do? I ran away. Exactly like you would see it in a movie. I ran all the way home. That’s probably the best thing I could do for my well being anyway. But I could have made it less awkward if I actually told someone. Because my friends spent the rest of the night looking for me. They were so afraid, they thought someone kidnapped me or something horrible must have happened to me. They almost called the police. When they saw me the next day, they almost killed me. Thankfully I was not invited to any party since then :D.
I’m especially awkward in buses or any kind of public transport. One of my many awkward moments happened one day when I was casually sitting on a bus going to school. Suddenly an old lady came and she stood right next to me. Any normal person with a brain would say: “Please take my seat!”. But what did I do?! Instead of letting her take my seat like social norms dictate, I was too scared to open my mouth and say something! So I was just sitting there awkwardly trying to act like I didn’t notice her. I’m not a mean person, I would let her take my seat, but it was my extreme level of social awkwardness that stopped me from acting like a normal human being. It got even more awkward after some time. The old lady was showing me with her gestures that she would like to sit. Even an idiot would get it. After a few minutes of total awkwardness I stood up and ran away from the bus a few bus stops earlier I would normally, just because I couldn’t take the awkwardness of that situation anymore. Then I came late for school because I had to walk there all the way… And I bet that the old lady must have lost her faith in humanity and young people in general. Well done…
Picture this: Your first really important exam, in a dead silent room with twenty+ people all waiting for the same thing you are: to get called up for the greatest challenge of your life. I had been waiting for like a half an hour and I was starting to get very nervous. Finally, they called my name. I got up, adjusting my professional clothing. I try to be all cool, calm and collected, because well… Anyways, ALL OF A SUDDEN: Everything slips out of my hands like:
All of my important papers, my phone and my wallet hit the floor with literally the loudest crash I have ever heard. So I try to recover myself with this stupid blush on my face and slowly bent over, scraping up my things from the floor as everyone decides to start giggling, even the director of school who is now covering his face with my application. In my head I was just like:
But I haven’t failed the exam! 😀 And this story became quite popular among our teachers. Looks like I made them laugh in the middle of such a boring day. I became famous in my school for my special power to drop things…
I came home and I felt like I want to end my life… Why do these things always happen to me?!!
Okay this one is really weird… I have a very bad habit. I talk to myself. Not at all the times of course. That would look like I’m totally crazy. Usually I do it when I’m home alone and nobody can see me. I don’t know why am I doing it. Probably because my inner life is so rich and so much interesting stuff is going on inside my head that I feel the need to express it. And when I have no one to talk to, I just argue with myself. Out loud. I know it’s creepy and you’re probably thinking right now that I should get help. Well, probably I should because it’s getting out of hand. The other day I was shopping at a grocery store. You know, I’m just walking around looking for some things and I’m having a very interesting conversation with myself inside my head. In that moment I completely forgot that I’m at a public place and there are people around me. I suddenly said what I was thinking out loud! It was an inside joke and I laughed at myself afterwards! But then I came back to reality and realized what happened. Every single person was staring at me like I’m completely crazy. Like this:
I’m thinking to myself: “There’s no way back. They’ve seen it. I’m screwed.” Probably the worst few seconds in my life. In that moment I wished the universe ended. After a few seconds I turned around and walked away. In hope that I will never see these people again. I can only hope…
The following story is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. This situation was so awkward that it gives me shivers when I think about it… And I’m not kidding you, this really happened: So the thing is my parents thought I was gay. Like SERIOUSLY! I have nothing against gay people at all. But it was the strangest thing ever to hear my parents tell me that it’s OK when I admit to them that I’m gay. (And I’m not!) I was just sitting there staring at them thinking to myself: “WHAT THE HELL?!! How did you even come up with that?!!! What makes me look like a gay person?!!”. Well, according to my mom it was the only logical explanation. She thought so because I have never dated anyone and I’m not obsessing over boy bands or actors like other typical teenage girls do, so there must be something different about me. And so she came to the conclusion that I’m gay. She must have been thinking about it for quite some time because otherwise she wouldn’t have planned such a serious conversation. I felt so awkward during that conversation like never before. I had to explain to my parents why I never dated anyone and it’s not easy to explain it to them especially when it’s so hard for me to be open to them. After that conversation, I wasn’t able to look my parents in the eyes for days… Soo awkward.
When I saw this socially awkward penguin meme I was very surprised that someone may have experienced a similar thing:
Like I’ve already said earlier, I’m the human embodiment of socially awkward penguin. Maybe after all it’s not that weird that your parents assume you’re gay when you aren’t… Or is it? Please tell me I’m not the only one.
And here’s one case I dealt with in the absolute wrongest way humanly possible: last year I was sitting at a bar and talking with a complete stranger sitting next to me for about 10 seconds. I accidentally spilled my drink all over him. And what did I do then? I backed away slowly without saying a word! I backed up all the way to the door and left. I couldn’t even get out an apology! Probably not the best way to deal with that one… Poor guy.
So, you’ve seen some of my most embarrassing moments… Now you’re probably thinking I’m the most awkward person on the planet. And maybe you’re right… If someone ever comes up with a TV show about a socially awkward girl, I should be playing the leading role. No one can beat me in this.