Tag Archive | consciousness

The most beautiful feeling

Today I have been able to see myself in a whole different light. I have never been so proud of myself in my entire life. I have realized that everything that I thought that was bad about me was an illusion. Everything I ever thought was wrong with me never really was wrong.

I cried tears of joy today. I am so happy to be the person that I am. It feels like I am in love with myself. I know it probably sounds super narcissistic but I don’t think is. Just because I think of myself highly doesn’t mean that I think I am better than other people. In fact, the more self loving I am becoming, the more I love and appreciate other people.

It is crazy to me that I used to believe I was worthless. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am a part of the infinite creation. I exist. The simple fact that I exist means that I am worthy. Creation doesn’t create pointless things. If I exist, it means that the creation thinks I am necessary for it to be whole. Without me it would not be “All that is”. It would only be “All that could be”.

I love the person that I am. I wouldn’t want to be anybody else. I enjoy playing this game called life. And I enjoy being this character. I value my gifts that I have been blessed with. I love my personality traits. Everything I used to think was wrong with my personality can actually be seen as a plus and as a strength.

Now I can look at myself in the mirror and I like what I see. I might not be beauty queen by society’s standards, but I am myself. This is my body and the only body I have in this life. It is healthy and functioning. It is perfect for me. I value it for what it is and I wouldn’t change it if I could.

It is my desire for all of you to know how beautiful you are. There is no better feeling than self love and self appreciation. It doesn’t matter what other people are telling you, what society is telling you. There never was and never could be anything wrong with you. You are wonderful, magnificent and perfect from the sources perspective. Your worth is inate. You could never take away from it and you could never add to it. You are allowed to love yourself just as you are in this very moment. It is your choice.

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January 2014 (month review)

January has been a month of intense changes for me. I have never experienced such an exciting and challenging month. It also feels like the longest month ever – so many things happened that I can not believe that just a month ago I was a completely different person.

I have made lots of life changing decisions. At the beginning of this month I thought I was going to study medicine. Now I want to become a psychologist (see a previous post on how I chose my career for more details).

Besides the fact that I made such radical changes in my future career, I have also faced many different challenges. It feels like all of my fears that I was suppressing my entire life came to surface. I could no longer avoid them. I saw them clearly. Each day of this month I did some shadow work. I digged deep into my personality. I reconsidered everything that I knew about myself. I faced all of my fears. And the result from this process are astonishing. Things that were causing me to feel terrible about my life and myself no longer feel so bad. Actually, I started to enjoy them. I started to enjoy all the challenges because now I know that I am strong enough to achieve any goal.

For the first time in my life I can say “I love myself” and I really mean it. Nothing feels better than self love and self empowerment. It feels like you have your best friend with you all the time. And my best friend is myself. I no longer make myself feel guilty for things that I have done or have not done. I completely accept my past, I value it and appreciate it. Without everything I went through I would not be here where I am now. Every single experience, no matter how painful it was, served a positive purpose. And now I can see clearly why I chose to experience everything that I have experienced. I see why I chose to be born in this family, why I chose my appearance, why I chose this theme to explore in this life. I do not regret this decision.

I know that I have an infinite potential. My future is not set in stone. I know that it is a blank canvas and only I can decide what do I paint. I can feel the freedom to choose any perspective in any given moment. I feel the excitement that comes from knowing that I am the creator of my own reality. I know that whatever happens, I can always choose to experience it in a positive way. I no longer have any problems. I only face challenges. And every new challenge makes me even stronger and more aware of my true self. Life is really wonderful when you choose to see it in this way!

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Relationships as mirrors

I have realized that all my life I have been looking at other people in a very selfish way. I was not interested in them, I was not listening what they had to tell me. I was only paying attention to my own problems and to my own insecurities.

When I interacted with people, I did not see them as equals. I always seen myself as something less than them. I have always been afraid of their judgement. I was afraid to express myself. I thought that when other people are judging me in a negative way it must mean that I am worthless. I believed I was worthless so much that I have never shared my opinions and things I was excited about with anyone. I kept everything to myself.

Today I have realized that this kind of behaviour is completely illogical.

I know that I am a part of All that is, a part of infinite creation. I know that the truth of existence is oneness. The one is all and all is one.

Our lifes are nothing but mirrors. They reflect to us our own vibrations. Just as we look in a glass mirror, we understand that the person we see is not actually in the mirror. All the light is reflected back to us, that’s how we see the reflection. That means the mirror contains nothing. Physical reality is exactly that way. There is nothing out there. It’s all reflected back. It’s all us.

So when other people look at me, they do not see me as I really am. They see the version of myself they have created. They see me as the reflection of their own selves.

So anything that anyone says about me has nothing to do with me. Only I decide who I am. Other people can not define me. Because my reality is a reflection of my own belief systems. What I see in other people are the qualities which I contain.

I think that the most beautiful and beneficial way on how to look at other people is to look at them as the reflection of our own selves. We have to understand that we are all part of the same creation. We are all one consciousness expressing itself subjectively. We are all mirrors and teachers for each other.

The way we most benefit from relationships is when we realize that what we hate/love about the other person is what we hate/love about ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to integrate all the parts of our identity that are out of alignment with our true selves. Thanks to the sacred mirror which all relationships are we can easily recognize what we resist within our beings.

Every person has something to teach us. Everyone is a storyteller. Everyone has a unique perspective, a unique experience. When we look at people in this way, we stop being so selfish. We now listen to their stories with genuine interest and learn the lessons we have to learn. We can also help them in this way. Because when we let go of all the insecurities and all the resistance within ourselves, we see people in the way they truly are. We hold the perspective of the source. We are unconditionally loving. And unconditional love is the cure to all our problems.

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How to change a belief

Last time I told you what beliefs are. Today I am going to tell you how to consciously change a belief. This process is based on Teal Scott’s teachings on how to change a belief. I find it really helpful and it works for me so I hope it will work for you too. The steps for changing a detrimental belief are:

1. Identify the belief. If you do not know how to do that, read the article on Shadow work that I wrote just recently.
It is important to work with a core belief. For example the thought “I hate speaking in public “is not a core belief. It is an emotional reaction to a core belief. A core belief can be “I am not good enough”. You always want to be working with the root belief when you are dealing with changing your beliefs. Because if you do not, it will just keep coming back.

2. Decide if the belief is beneficial or detrimental to you.

3. Decide what you would rather believe instead. Let your non beneficial beliefs be your inspiration towards beliefs you want to believe.

4. Determine the emotions that are holding you to the belief like glue. Decide if the emotional pay off is worth keeping the belief or not. For example: If I believe that I am not good enough, if I am being really honest about the emotional pay off it might look something like: I get pity when I feel like I am not good enough and that pity feels like people care about me. Or: when I think thoughts like I am not good enough, I give up the responsibility of having to try something new. You have to decide if the emotional pay off is worth the limitations of the beliefs which you are holding. If not, decide you are ready to let go of it. Nothing will help anybody to change something if they do not want to change it.

5. Seek out alternative evidence and alternative explanations which undermine the validity of your detrimental belief. Replace the evidence you’ve been using to back up and support your detrimental belief with evidence that undermines it! For example: If you believe that you are not good enough, this belief may be backed up by this kind of evidence: my mother always told my that I was not good enough. An alternate explanation may be something like this: When I made mistakes, it was an embarrassment to my mother. She was the one who felt as she was not good enough. I simply adopted this belief.

6. Look for evidence and proof to back up the beneficial belief which you would rather believe. And example would be: How am I good enough? I have had successes (you can list them). I have worth which is inate. The things that I have to say could really benefit other people. You want to look at as much proof and evidence that is possible. Make it your focus.

7. Use affirmations that work. These are affirmations which feel good to think, that you DO believe… NOT affirmations which make you more aware of where you aren’t and feel like a lie because they contradict your own sense of intelligence. Because when you believed for decades that you are not good enough and you say something like “I am good enough”, it sounds to you like a lie. You can use things like: I value myself because I care (if you do believe it).

8. Without immediately taking inventory of your reality (out of distrust of the process), simply giveyour self some time to let the new beliefs take root and ALLOW your reality to change. Soon after you change your thoughts, you’ll be looking at tangible proof in a reality that backs up your new thought to such a degree that the new thought will then become a firm belief. But this time, it will be one which benefits you and your life!

My relationship with my mother – Shadow work

I  never had an ideal relationship with my mother. Our personalities are total opposites. We are so unlike each other. She simply does not understand me. She is more extroverted, I am more introverted. She has millions of friends and gets energized in social situations, I have a very few friends and get energized when I am alone. She is very practical, I am a visionary. She is extremely hyperactive, I work more slowly and ordently.

Since I was little she has always been criticising me. Thanks to her I always believed I was worthless. She thinks that something is wrong with me and I am simply not normal.

When she was younger, she was also interested in spirituality and the new age movement. For 20 years she has been reading all the books on this topic. She was interested in alternative medicine and healthy living. She was the one who got me into spirituality and this kind of things in the first place. But in the past few years her opinion on spirituality has changed. She no longer believes it. She says all of those things do not help at all. She is scared that I will walk in her footsteps. She is scared that I will be fooled as she thinks she was.

It is funny to me how my mother says that these things do not work at all when she is always negatively focused. One of the main ideas of the new age movement is that you manifest yourself what you pay attention to. How can she expect herself to live a happy life with a negative mind? She does not understand that our emotions are our indications of what we are vibrating. She does not know that she is the creator of her own reality. She does not follow any of the basic spiritual principles and then she wonders why aren´t they working. It is obvious to me but she does not believe me. I wish I could help her but she does not accept any help.

Our relationship has slightly improved over the years. She is no longer so harsh on me and I can express my opinion more easily. But still I feel that it could be much better. Sometimes I feel like I hate her. She is a perfect mirror of my own deepest shadows.

So today I have decided to dig deep into this relationship and do some shadow work. I have adopted this process from Teal – The spiritual catalyst. You can learn how to do this process in her Shadow work video. It is called “Finding the suppressed self”.

First of all I am going to list all the qualities about my mother that I dislike so much. This is how I see her from my point of view:

  • She is judgmental and critical of others.
  • She is demanding and controlling.
  • She is the most negative and pessimistic person I know.
  • She always looks for the worst in people.
  • She is cruel and harsh.
  • She is an energy vampire.
  • She likes conflict.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is extremely moody.
  • She thinks everything good in life is over for her.
  • She thinks life is unfair.
  • She believes people are divided into good and bad.
  • She does not believe that dreams can come true.
  • She thinks spiritual methods do not help at all.
  • She believes new age movement is a hoax.
  • She is unreasonable.
  • She must do things her way, she thinks she knows best.
  • She does everything quickly and she stresses everyone around fer.
  • She is disappointed in life and in herself.
  • She gets angry very easily.
  • She cares too much about money.
  • She does not think outside the box.
  • She constantly compares me to other people.
  • She obviously hates me.
  • She is disappointed that she has a daughter like me.
  • She wishes I would be someone else.

Here is a list of what my mother might dislike about me:

  • She is naive.
  • She never expresses any emotions.
  • She lives in an illusion that all people are essentially good and we are all one.
  • She is a chronical worrior.
  • She stresses about everything.
  • She does not see the reality as it is.
  • She is delusional.
  • She is never happy.
  • She hates herself.
  • She is too moral and too kind.
  • She is constantly ill.
  • She catches all the possible diseases.
  • She is incapable of living on her own.
  • She is too depandent on her parents.
  • She is antisocial and has no friends.
  • She does not have a boyfriend and probably never will.
  • She is so weird and unconventional.
  • She is scared of people and talking.
  • She can not defend herself.
  • She cares way too much about others opinions.
  • She does not know how to have fun.
  • She is uptight and too serious.
  • She is constantly learning for school and forgets to live her life.
  • She is too secretive and mysterious.
  • She is cold and inexpressive. She does not talk to me.
  • She hates me.
  • She does not know what life is about.
  • She is a horrible person.
  • She does not even know herself.
  • She is rude and arrogant.
  • She takes her parents care for granted.
  • She cares too much about spiritual stuff.
  • Her head is in the clouds.
  • She does not know how to live in this world.
  • She is lost in life.
  • She has no interests besides angels and fairies.
  • She is stupid and mentally ill.
  • She will not be able to survive on her own.
  • She is stubborn and she does not follow my advice.
  • All of my friends hate her.
  • She does not know how to interact with people.
  • She believes that she creates her own reality which is bullshit.
  • She sees the world through pink colored glasses.
  • She is a terrible procrastinator.
  • She does not get anything done.
  • Her only pleasures in life is internet and eating.
  • She thinks she has friends on the internet but these are no real friends.
  • She will never be able to get a job.
  • She will never finish collage.
  • She is passive and flegmatic.
  • She barely ever leaves her room.
  • She wastes her life completely.
  • She should not have been born.
  • Especially she should not be my daughter.
  • If it was not for her parents, she would not have survived in this world.

Well, if this is what she really thinks about me it is no wonder she worried about me. I look really bad from her point of view.

Now I take the first list and make the worst case scenario of my mothers traits. Here is my list:

  • She tortures others.
  • She points out others flaws and makes them feel like crap.
  • She changes her mood every moment.
  • Everyone hates her.
  • She is like a bomb that can explode every second.
  • She hates her life.
  • She wants to die.
  • She thinks she is the worst mother ever.
  • She hates everyone that is interested in spirituality.
  • She thinks life makes no sense.
  • She believes everyone is egoistical and selfish.
  • She lost her faith in good people.
  • She believes happiness is unachievable.
  • Things must always be done her way.
  • She wants to control my life.
  • She does not believe in my own decisions.
  • She lost all her friends.
  • My parents start hating eachother.
  • She is going to catch an illness and die in pain.
  • She does not accept any help.
  • She only cares for money and material things.
  • She will die in depression.
  • Everyone is going to abandon her.
  • No one can stand her presence.
  • She is never happy.
  • She complains about everything 24/7.
  • Because of her negative focus everything is going to turn out badly for her.

And here is my worst case scenario list:

  • She can not discern between reality and illusion.
  • She believes everything anyone says to her.
  • She can not make any decisions on her own.
  • She ends up with a chronical disease and will be dependant on her parents.
  • She will be incapable to live her life by herself.
  • She will be extremely unssucessful.
  • Everyone is going to use her and fool her.
  • She will never know what friendship is.
  • She will never express her true self.
  • She will never know what fun and excitement means.
  • She will only suffer in life.
  • She will never finish any university.
  • No one likes her.
  • She will never have a boyfriend and children.
  • She will never live on her own and have her own house.
  • We (parents) will be forced to financially support her forever.
  • She will end up in a mental hospital.
  • She will die at young age.
  • She will end up alone and abandoned.
  • Nobody likes her and nobody understands her.
  • She will waste her life completely.

Now I am going to take a tiny dose of my mothers’s traits and see how that could improve my life:

  • If I was a tiny bit controlling, demanding and assertive–> I would stick up for myself. I would be able to ask for things and my needs would be fulfilled. I could set healthy boundaries and feel secure.
  • If I was a tiny bit less serious —> I would have more fun and I would enjoy life more. Other people will feel good around me.
  • If I was a tiny bit unreasonable —> I would know what I need and want, even if in the eyes of others it was stupid, I would stand up for who I am and what matters to me.
  • If I was a tiny bit judgemental and critical —> I would be able to analyze and be more efficient. I would be able to understand how others approach things and adapt. I would not be easily fooled.
  • If I was a tiny bit angry —> I could express myself. I would not keep everything bottled up. I could express how I feel calmly and create healthy boundaries that make me feel comforted.
  • If I was a tiny bit more ‘me knows best’ —> I could share my opinion without fear. I could allow people to take what they want from my help. I could inspire others.

The thing is that at some point in my life I became so scared of what is in the third list (my mothers worst case scenario list), that I have developed a supressed self. I am now out of balance because of this shadow side and resistance that I have towards my mothers traits. My suppressed Identity is the one who is self-expressive, confident and spontanious.

The ways how I supress this identity in my life are:

  • I worry about what other people think.
  • I do what I have to do instead of what I want to do.
  • I am locked into routines.
  • I do not try anything new.
  • I do not express myself.
  • I am insecure about myself.

So what are the ways I could express my supressed identity? Here are a few ideas:

  • I can express what I am feeling by talking.
  • I can try sharing my opinion of certain things. I can start participating in conversations.
  • I can ask for things I need.
  • I can do something for myself that I feel matters to me even though others don’t understand.
  • I could be less serious and live more in the moment.
  • I could talk louder and with more confidence.
  • I could be more cheerful and optimistic.
  • I can do art.

This process was very eye opening for me. Now I understand my mother better. I can see why she is worried about me. If I was in her situation I would probably do the same thing. I have compassion for her now and I no longer feel that strong resistance.

I know this post is very long and probably no one will read it, but the main purpose of this post is my own healing process. It has helped me a lot so I hope it can inspire you to look deep into your own relationships and see what they are telling you about yourself. 🙂

Things I like about my mother:

  • She makes wonderful cakes.
  • She has good sense for beauty.
  • She designs pretty interiors.
  • She can sometimes be nice to people.
  • She cares about her children.
  • She is genuinely worried about me, that is why she gets angry with me so much.

What are beliefs?

A belief is basically an assumed truth. Beliefs are not true or false, they are simply beneficial or detrimental. Our lifes always become the manifestation of what we expect according to our beliefs.

A belief is simply a thought which has been thought so often that it has manifested physically into “proof”. That proof strenghtens the thought with acceptance, trust and expectation. That acceptance, trust and expectation in a thought is a belief. Beliefs are only the best available explanation that we have based on the evidence that we have been observing.

In order for our realities and lives to change, we must change our beliefs. The only beliefs that we should be holding are the beliefs which are a benefit to us. In order to manifest things to our reality, the frequency of our desire and the frequency of our belief must be an exact match. If you have the desire for perfect relationship but you have the belief that you do not deserve it, the relationship you want can not show up for you. In order to get that perfect relationship the desire for that relationship and the belief that you deserve that relationship must lign up.

This is an excerpt from Teal Scott’s video on how to change a belief. I find it super helpful so may it inspire you as well:

It is very common in the world that we have today for people to be living lifes which are not aligned with their happiness. You watch people complaining about the way their life is. You watch people who are really holding them back with these beliefs which they have about themselves and about the life that they live. They don’t usually want to take the responsibility, nor do they usually know what is creating the life which they are living because they think that reality is fixed. They think basically that they come here and they are a part of a reality and bad things can happen to them without invitation, without focus. The problem is that that just is not correct.

The way this universe is meant to run is that it is meant to become the reflection of your thoughts and your beliefs. If you are living a life which is anything less than satisfactory and joyful it is because your focus, your thoughts and thus your beliefs are not in alignment with who you really are. And they are not in alignment with what feels good to think.

So if you want your life to be different in any way, shape or form, you have got to change the story that you are telling about your life. And when you change the thoughts that you have are thinking , it will change the way that your reality is structuring itself.

And everyone will stand in amazement wondering how it is that you have created this life of so much bliss and freedom for yourself. And you can turn around and say: It is because I took the initiative to change my thoughts that I was thinking on a daily basis and I took the initiative to change my own beliefs. And when I did that my reality shifted to become the exact reality which I want. I deliberately created it for myself.

It is possible for you all to do this. And it is possible from this place you are in right now. Because your only access of power is right here where you stand.

I will teach you the process of changing a belief next time!:)

Love, Paulina

Infinite possibilities

Dear friends!

I’m thinking about life and I have come to realise how many possibilities we have. I never really saw it in my past. I kind of thougtht that our live decisions are limited by our financial resources, by our family background, by our abilities… But as I am growing up, I am realising what limitless beings we actually are.

We are not limited by our lack of money, what other people think, by our appearance… We are not limited by anything! The only thing that stands in our way between us and our dreams is our selves. Nothing else. It’s just us.

With our beliefs we create our lifes. This has become so much clearer to me. I first stumbled accross the teachings of „mind creates reality“ 5 years ago. I used to doubt it’s authenticity at the beginning but not anymore. It has actually become so clear to me that I have to wonder how could we miss it and don’t realise that we are the creators of our live experience. But it is possible. Our society is a living proof of that. We have forgotten our true nature of eternal creators and we have given our power away. By doing this we have created the illusion that live happens to us and not through us. Suddenly this world becomes a very dark and unpleasent place to live in. There are so many outside forces that can affect our lifes and change them in the blink of an eye. We have no control over nature disasters, economic crisis, ilnesses, accidents… Our lives become nothing more than fights for our survival. Fear becomes the dominant emotion we feel. And since we feel it all the time we don’t even realise that it could be different.

But there is a different way. It’s not even as hard as we think. The truth is that we do create our realities. That is what our governments won’t tell us because they want us to be unawere of our own power to make it possible to control us.  If we truly knew our power it would be impossible to control us.

The most powerful force that we have is our free will. Our future is not predestined. It is nowhere written how our lifes are going to play out. It is completely and utterly in our hands. From this moment we all contain infinite potentials for our future. We could become anything we want!

Today I was inspired by a story of one young women. At age 18, she headed for the South Pacific Islands to start her trip around the world. Several months later, she traveled to a remote village in Nepal, where she felt a deep sense of belonging – a sense of home. Distressed by seeing so many working children, many of them orphans, she decided to sponsor the education of one child. Soon, one became five, then ten, and she very quickly realized that she wanted to build a home where these children could live. In five years, this 23 year old has built a home for 30 children, as well as a primary school for 230 children.

What I find so inspiring about this story is that all the time she was following what her heart was telling her. She was not listening to all of the voices that kept on telling her that it’s impossible. She just acted on her highest excitement and life supported her in every way. Suddenly she became to recieve donations from people that made it possible to build a house for the children. It is a great example of what happens when you follow your dreams. The whole universe conspires to make it happen.

After reading this story I realised that I lack that passion and excitement in my life. I felt this urge to do something exciting that would make me feel significant and in service for the people of the world. I have started to think about how I can make this world a brighter place. And I have come to the realisation that one of the things that I love the most is to inspire people. So I have decided to start/continue this blog. I will post here things that inspire me every day. It can be anything from deep reflexions about the nature of reality to simple quotes. And I won’t make it my responsibility, I will make it my joy. I really want to share my life and my point of view with you guys so I’m really looking forward to this!

I love you and I’ll talk to you soon!:)

(And please excuse me my mistakes – English is not my mother language, I’m still learning:)