Tag Archive | belief

Dealing with self worth

Through the process of shadow work I found out that my core belief is “I am worthless”. I can see this core belief being active in many situations in my life. These are a few examples on how is this belief manifesting itself in my life:

  • I care about what other people think of me.
  • I am afraid to express myself.
  • I hate speaking in public.
  • I feel guilty when I make a mistake.
  • I am afraid to talk to other people because I fear rejection.
  • I have no close friends, I keep everything to myself because I am afraid of judgment.
  • I do what other people expect me to do and not what I want to do.

This belief is present in pretty much all of the areas in my life. It is everywhere I go. I deal with it like 100 times per day. Today I am ready to change it. I am going to use Teal Scott’s process on changing a belief.

I have already completed the first step which is identifying the belief. Now I have to decide if this belief is beneficial or detrimental to me. This belief is definitely detrimental. It is limits me in every way. I can not grow into my highest potential as long as I have this belief. It does not allow me to express myself. Because of this belief I always attract people into my life that are making me feel worthless.

Now I have to decide what would I like to believe instead. I would like to believe that I am worthy. I would like to believe that I am enough.

The next step is to determine the emotions that are holding me to the belief. There is always a hidden positive intention behind any belief. If we did not believe that it is in some way, shape or form serving us, it would make no sense to have such a belief. When I am being really honest with myself, I found out, that when I believe that I am worthless I get pity from other people. That pity feels like people care about me. When I think thoughts like “I am not good enough”, I give up the responsibility of having to try something new. I give up the responsibility over my own life and my own decisions. I have to decide if the emotional pay off is worth keeping the emotion or not. To me it is not worth it. I would rather know and express my true worth and people will naturally care about me. I am ready to take the responsibility for my life and try new things.

Now I will seek out alternative evidence and alternative explanations which undermine the validity of my belief “I am worthless”: For years I took my mothers words and actions as a proof that I am worthless. But when I was little and made decisions that were embarrassing to my mother, she was the one who felt worthless. She then yelled at me and expressed her anger, because I made her feel worthless. I simply adopted her own belief.

I had no friends growing up. This one can be easily explained. When I felt like I was not good enough, other kids felt that rejection and that fear that was present within me and they did not bother to talk to me. They were simply reflecting to me my own rejection of self. I know I have the belief that I am worthless for many years now. I am aware of the fact that I can change it. And yet, after all these years, the belief is still here. It means I failed in changing my belief ans that means I am worthless. The reason behind why this belief is still here is because I am invalidating it. I reject it. I say it has no positive meaning, I resist it. And what you resist persists. It does not mean I am worthless.

What I will do now is that I look for evidence and proof to back up the beneficial belief I would rather believe. I ask myself this question: How am I good enough?

  • I have had successes.
  • I successfully completed high school.
  • I am now a collage student.
  • I have people in my life who love me for who I am and appreciate me.
  • I have worth which is inate.
  • Unconditional love is what I was created from.
  • When All That Is created me, it obviously thought I deserved to exist.
  • Therefore I must be equal to every other creation, otherwise I would not have been created.

As the next step I am going to be using affirmations that I do believe. I begin to tell myself things like this on a daily basis: I value myself because I care. I am an interesting person. I know many things that could help other people. I am smart and loving…

The last step is taking some time for my reality to change itself. I can not expect myself to be completely self loving at this moment. When I spent 15 years of my life hating myself, it would be cruel to expect from myself to completely change it in a second. I also can not resist hating myself anymore. Because what we resist persists. My reality will surely change if I allow it to change.

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How to change a belief

Last time I told you what beliefs are. Today I am going to tell you how to consciously change a belief. This process is based on Teal Scott’s teachings on how to change a belief. I find it really helpful and it works for me so I hope it will work for you too. The steps for changing a detrimental belief are:

1. Identify the belief. If you do not know how to do that, read the article on Shadow work that I wrote just recently.
It is important to work with a core belief. For example the thought “I hate speaking in public “is not a core belief. It is an emotional reaction to a core belief. A core belief can be “I am not good enough”. You always want to be working with the root belief when you are dealing with changing your beliefs. Because if you do not, it will just keep coming back.

2. Decide if the belief is beneficial or detrimental to you.

3. Decide what you would rather believe instead. Let your non beneficial beliefs be your inspiration towards beliefs you want to believe.

4. Determine the emotions that are holding you to the belief like glue. Decide if the emotional pay off is worth keeping the belief or not. For example: If I believe that I am not good enough, if I am being really honest about the emotional pay off it might look something like: I get pity when I feel like I am not good enough and that pity feels like people care about me. Or: when I think thoughts like I am not good enough, I give up the responsibility of having to try something new. You have to decide if the emotional pay off is worth the limitations of the beliefs which you are holding. If not, decide you are ready to let go of it. Nothing will help anybody to change something if they do not want to change it.

5. Seek out alternative evidence and alternative explanations which undermine the validity of your detrimental belief. Replace the evidence you’ve been using to back up and support your detrimental belief with evidence that undermines it! For example: If you believe that you are not good enough, this belief may be backed up by this kind of evidence: my mother always told my that I was not good enough. An alternate explanation may be something like this: When I made mistakes, it was an embarrassment to my mother. She was the one who felt as she was not good enough. I simply adopted this belief.

6. Look for evidence and proof to back up the beneficial belief which you would rather believe. And example would be: How am I good enough? I have had successes (you can list them). I have worth which is inate. The things that I have to say could really benefit other people. You want to look at as much proof and evidence that is possible. Make it your focus.

7. Use affirmations that work. These are affirmations which feel good to think, that you DO believe… NOT affirmations which make you more aware of where you aren’t and feel like a lie because they contradict your own sense of intelligence. Because when you believed for decades that you are not good enough and you say something like “I am good enough”, it sounds to you like a lie. You can use things like: I value myself because I care (if you do believe it).

8. Without immediately taking inventory of your reality (out of distrust of the process), simply giveyour self some time to let the new beliefs take root and ALLOW your reality to change. Soon after you change your thoughts, you’ll be looking at tangible proof in a reality that backs up your new thought to such a degree that the new thought will then become a firm belief. But this time, it will be one which benefits you and your life!

What are beliefs?

A belief is basically an assumed truth. Beliefs are not true or false, they are simply beneficial or detrimental. Our lifes always become the manifestation of what we expect according to our beliefs.

A belief is simply a thought which has been thought so often that it has manifested physically into “proof”. That proof strenghtens the thought with acceptance, trust and expectation. That acceptance, trust and expectation in a thought is a belief. Beliefs are only the best available explanation that we have based on the evidence that we have been observing.

In order for our realities and lives to change, we must change our beliefs. The only beliefs that we should be holding are the beliefs which are a benefit to us. In order to manifest things to our reality, the frequency of our desire and the frequency of our belief must be an exact match. If you have the desire for perfect relationship but you have the belief that you do not deserve it, the relationship you want can not show up for you. In order to get that perfect relationship the desire for that relationship and the belief that you deserve that relationship must lign up.

This is an excerpt from Teal Scott’s video on how to change a belief. I find it super helpful so may it inspire you as well:

It is very common in the world that we have today for people to be living lifes which are not aligned with their happiness. You watch people complaining about the way their life is. You watch people who are really holding them back with these beliefs which they have about themselves and about the life that they live. They don’t usually want to take the responsibility, nor do they usually know what is creating the life which they are living because they think that reality is fixed. They think basically that they come here and they are a part of a reality and bad things can happen to them without invitation, without focus. The problem is that that just is not correct.

The way this universe is meant to run is that it is meant to become the reflection of your thoughts and your beliefs. If you are living a life which is anything less than satisfactory and joyful it is because your focus, your thoughts and thus your beliefs are not in alignment with who you really are. And they are not in alignment with what feels good to think.

So if you want your life to be different in any way, shape or form, you have got to change the story that you are telling about your life. And when you change the thoughts that you have are thinking , it will change the way that your reality is structuring itself.

And everyone will stand in amazement wondering how it is that you have created this life of so much bliss and freedom for yourself. And you can turn around and say: It is because I took the initiative to change my thoughts that I was thinking on a daily basis and I took the initiative to change my own beliefs. And when I did that my reality shifted to become the exact reality which I want. I deliberately created it for myself.

It is possible for you all to do this. And it is possible from this place you are in right now. Because your only access of power is right here where you stand.

I will teach you the process of changing a belief next time!:)

Love, Paulina