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Self Inquiry

Teal posted this article on her blog, where she shares a collection of questions that will lead you back to the truth of yourself in the now. I have decided to answer those questions and share them with you:

1. What do I want to experience out of life before I die?

I want to love and accept myself completely. I want to experience an existence free of fear. I want to feel like I enjoy the journey of life. I want to know what it feels like to feel like I’ve done all I came to this earth to do. I want to share my gifts with the world. I want to feel a sense of togetherness, belonging & true community. I want to connect with people who share my vision and work with them to make this world a brighter place. I want to be surrounded with people who love me and support me in every way. I want to travel to lots of different places and meet wonderful people all over the world. I want to help to transform the financial, justice, educational and healthcare systems. I want to become a counselor and help people to become the best version of themselves. I want to inspire people and make them realize that they are loved and supported by the entire existence. I want to experience abundance in all ways possible.

2. How do I want to grow?

I want to master the art of being able to return to happiness and the present moment. I want to be able to not take things personally. I want to be strong in my convictions and stand by my truth. I want to trust myself to act on my highest excitement in every moment. I want to become master shadow worker and I want to read peoples belief systems and motivations easily.

3. What/How do I want to contribute?

I want to spread love, compassion and appreciation. I want my life to be my message. I want to connect with people on a deep level and help them to accept and love themselves by loving them unconditionally.

4. What is my number one priority in my life?

Happiness, self-love and inner strength.

5. What would you do differently if you knew there would be no consequences (Ie. No one would judge you)?

I would allow myself to be frustrated, depressed and upset without feeling guilty about it. I would express my emotions freely.

6. What are my top ten needs?

Home/shelter, Running Water, Food, Clothes, Physical Wellbeing and Mobility, Family, Love – Self and otherwise, Music, To feel good about myself, To experience the manifestation of my desires

7. How am I living fully?

I stand up for myself and for my true desires. I don’t let other people tell me how I should live. I’m working on myself and integrating all parts of my being. I’m releasing resistance and pain that comes from my painful childhood experiences. I’m moving towards self love. Everyday I learn something new about myself and about the world.

8. How am I not living fully?

I’m afraid to open up to some people because I fear rejection. I keep my opinions to myself because I’m scared that other people will think I’m a freak. I’m scared of negative judgement. I’m scared of failure and sometimes I find myself slipping back to the old belief that I’m worthless. I could allow more time for exercise, creativity and fun.

9. How am I loving fully?

I’m moving towards self love and love for myself makes me able to love anyone unconditionally.

10. How am I not loving fully?

When I’m emotionally hurt by something someone says, I have the tendency to find it difficult to get over that injury and I maintain feelings of fear and rage towards that person. Then, I turn it in on myself and I convince myself that the universe is punishing me and that I’m too unhealthy because of my childhood to have good feeling relationships.

11. If you could do your life over again, what would you do differently?

I wouldn’t do anything differently. My past has brought me to the point where I am now. I do like who I am now. Without my past I wouldn’t have an understanding of darkness, fear, powerlessness and unhappiness.

12. What am I doing because I think it will eventually make me happy, but that is currently making me unhappy?

Prioritizing my focus on things that I think “have to be done” instead of on things I feel inspired to do.

13. If I found out I was going to die in a year, what would I do today and for the rest of the year I had left?

I wouldn’t go to collage, because what’s the point of studying when I will never finish it and get my dream job? I would go backpacking to Australia and Asia. I would travel the world and see the sacred sites and visit all my online friends.

14. What is preventing me from doing those things now, regardless of how long I have to live?

I want to go to collage first and mature a little before I go and travel the world. I also need more money and experience.

15. What could I do to make myself feel even better right now and enjoy right now even more?

Having the confidence needed to know that I can articulate my needs and wants effectively to those around me. This would allow for a safe and nurturing environment for the real me to be expressed fully and to my highest potential.

16. What pain do you want (In other words, if pain was unavoidable, what are you willing to struggle for)?

I am open to whatever pain or struggle gains me the most expansion and allows for my soul to do what it came here to do.

17. Who do you love and what are you doing about it? What are you not doing about it?

I love my sister and my brother for supporting me even when the entire family is against me. I don’t know where I would be without my sister, probably I would have killed myself or I would have a bad depression. I also love my friends and supporters.

18. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

Sometimes I feel like a truly old soul, been here a million times. Other times I feel like I have no clue what’s really going on like I’m still running around in diapers 😀

19. What belief is the best belief you possess? And what belief is the most painful belief you possess?

I believe that each one of us is a powerful creator and an extension of source energy.I believe in the genuine goodness of every human being.

I believe that I am not worth anyone’s time and that I will be left alone/ abandoned.That I am fated to be disappointed, unhappy and suffer; that no one will love me for the rest of my life and that my authentic struggles make me incapable of being lovable.

20. What ten things are you the most grateful for in your life?

1. My understanding of people and this universe and the compassion it has given rise to within me.

2. The people in my life who see value and beauty in me, and remind me of it.

3. I am grateful for my painful childhood experiences, because only thanks to them I have experienced total powerlessness and self hate. This inspired me to think about the purpose of life and the entire existence. It inspired me to go on a journey toward finding out what is reality and how does it work. It also inspired me to love myself.

4. I am grateful for my mother for being my biggest mirror and reflecting to me my shadow sides that need to be healed.

5. I am grateful for the internet itself and my online family. I am grateful that I can share my story and my opinions on my blogs:)

6. I am grateful for my talents and abilities.

7. I am grateful for being able to live in this exciting time on planet earth.

8. I am grateful for the guidance I received through many spiritual teachers. I am grateful that they reminded me of the knowledge that has always been within me.

9. I am grateful for great experiences that will never be forgotten.

10. I am grateful that I am always 100% supported by the universe.

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A brutally honest post

Today I had a fight with my mother again. That’s nothing strange about that, we fight since I was born at least a few times in a week, depending on how much time we spend with each other. I’m not going to go to great depths about our relationship because I’ve already described it in this article. 

My mother functions for me as my clearest mirror. She reflects to me all the negative beliefs that I have about myself.

This is a list of things she says about me that make me feel bad about myself:

  • She says that I’m a boring person with no opinions
  • She says that I’m not competent and practical enough to live a life
  • She says that I’m not independent enough and I always rely on other people to help
  • She says that I’m not normal because I have no friends and no social life
  • She says I have chosen a horrible field of study and that I will never be able to find a job
  • She says that I will end up poor, alone and unemployed and that I will live with my parents forever
  • She says that I’m not likable enough for people to love me
  • She says that I’m stupid and naive
  • She says that no one will ever love me because I’m too weird and defected
  • She says that I’m lazy and unproductive
  • She says I’m crazy because I spend all of my time at home alone
  • She says that I won’t be accepted to any university because I’m not smart enough
  • She says that I’m not deserving to exist

I’m not making these things up. She literally said all of them straight to my face. And she says them regularly. Now it’s easy to understand why I grew up believing I was a worthless piece of nothing that deserves no love. And everyone treated me that way because that was the vibration I was emitting. I constantly saw proof and evidence of how I was worthless.

It’s like a vicious circle. Once you have a core belief, it manifests itself in all aspects of your life. Your entire reality is based on that belief and you see the evidence supporting that belief everywhere you go. It’s impossible to get out of this vicious circle when you don’t know that your beliefs create your reality. And it’s hard to believe that you create your own reality when you live in a society that conditions you to believe in the exact opposite. It’s easy to believe that life is pointless and the universe is against you.

Today I asked myself what would my mother have to believe to be true in order to say things that she says. This is what I found out:

  • She believes that life is pointless
  • She believes that people are divided in good and bad
  • She believes that some people are born better than the others
  • She believes that the world is a horrible and unfair place
  • She believes that you have to have certain qualities and personality traits in order to be worthy and deserve to exist
  • She believes that life is based on chance and that there are things you can do nothing about
  • She believes that she is not good enough
  • She believes that there are no good things awaiting for her in the future

I came to understanding that I function as a mirror for my mother too. I reflect to her all of her shadow sides. She sees her failures and her biggest fears in me. Just like I see my biggest fears in her. I’m not the only one that is frustrated. She is sad and frustrated as well. She believes that she’s worthless and that she has failed as a mother and in her entire life in general. She has a sad and depressing life. Only suffering creates suffering.

I feel empathy and compassion for my mother. I wish there would be something I could do to help her. I’ve tried many times, but she simply can’t understand my perspective. When she looks at me and my life, she only sees evidence of how she is worthless. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to make her like me, she only sees what she wants to see.

The fact that my mothers comments are making me upset reflects to me that I have to believe in these things too otherwise they wouldn’t hurt me. If I truly didn’t believed any of these things, I wouldn’t have such a strong emotional reaction to them. I would simply recognize that these things have nothing to do with me so why should I bother? So to some degree I must believe in these things or at least I’m afraid that they might actually be true.

I’m going to ask myself this question: What would I have to believe to be true to end up feeling this way?

  • I would have to believe that I might be worthless.
  • I would have to believe that there is something wrong with me.
  • I would have to believe that I’m not smart and good enough.
  • I would have to believe that I don’t deserve love.

It’s true that I mostly believe that I’m worthless. I put myself down and focus primarily on things that I dislike about myself. I worry too much about the future and I always think about how can something go wrong. I feel guilty because of my past and I’m afraid of my future.

I have dedicated many years of my life to self improvement. Since I can remember I always believed that I need to improve myself. I believed that I need to fix myself, because I felt that as I am right now is not good enough. I thought that I need to change my personality in order to be a valuable human being. That’s why I have been interested in self help literature in the first place. I didn’t start to read motivational literature just for fun, I started to read motivational literature to find techniques on how I can restructure myself in order to be worth something.

I’ve tried so hard to make myself a good human being. I read every book and article I could find on self love. I watched all the documentaries and videos on self improvement. I followed all new age spiritual teachers. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to work. Just as I thought that I did it and I no longer have to face the same issues, suddenly everything crashed and I found myself in square one. Nothing has changed. I did this so many times and I always ended up disappointed. I started to use my constant failure as an evidence of my worthlessness, because apparently, I’m not good enough and powerful enough to change it . I thought that something must be horribly wrong with me because I just keep repeating the same mistake all the time.

I’ve never been so obsessed with self love like I’m right now. I’ve made a commitment at the beginning of this year to make self love my priority. Since then, there wasn’t a day I wouldn’t be dealing with self love. I wrote so many articles on how to love yourself,  I even gave advice to some people. One would have thought that I’m a self love expert. And yet, I still have self hating tendencies today.

I know the root of my self hating behavior. When I was cca. 3 years old, I started to feel abandoned by my parents and people around me. As a child I interpreted it as something that I have done wrong. I felt like something must be wrong with me and I started to  believe in it. Because of this I was a very shy child. I started to suppress myself at very young age. Other kids were expressive, cheerful and loud, but I was quiet, I hated games and I looked sad and pessimistic. The teachers in kindergarten didn’t like me and they told my mother that there’s something wrong with me and that I should visit a psychologist. My mother was upset because of it and I blamed myself for making other people sad. I felt like I was a bad and defected person and that everything and everyone is against me. Throughout my whole life, people have been telling me that it’s not good to be shy and afraid. So I started to hate this about myself and I rejected this part of myself. When I was about 10 years old, I started to work on changing myself in order to deserve love and become a valuable person.

But even after all those years of studying self help literature, unhealed wounds from my childhood keep on reappearing in my life. I’m extremely scared of rejection. I can’t stand the feeling of being rejected by someone. I can’t feel worthy when other people disapprove of me. But what I’m afraid the most is my own self rejection. When I’m interacting with someone, it’s not their opinion on me that I’m actually scared of. They don’t even know me, so why should I care? What I’m scared of is that I’m going to disappoint myself. I’m scared that I won’t make the good impression that I desire. In my eyes that’s a failure. And I can’t stand failures. I’m convinced that when I fail, it means that I’m a worthless piece of nothing that doesn’t deserve any love.

I know this sounds pretty cruel. But I’m not overreacting. I believe in my own worthlessness, otherwise I would not react in this way. I wouldn’t feel this way. I understand that I can’t have a feeling about something unless I assign a specific belief to it. I’m experiencing my reality according to my own beliefs and definitions. I understand all of this, theoretically. I see this particular belief as it’s manifesting itself everywhere I look. But why is it so hard to put this theoretical knowledge into practice?

I think I know the answer. I’m berating myself for continuing to buy into those things beyond the point that I recognize that I have the ability not to.

I know that I create my own reality. It’s an undeniable fact to me at this point. And it has been clear to me for a while now. When I first found out about the fact that I create my own reality, first of all I have gotten pretty frustrated because it means that I have created all of this suffering for myself. I could not blame anyone else, it was all my fault. It was my fault that I have attracted to myself such a sad childhood.  But instead of using the knowledge of my own creator power to change my reality into something I would prefer, I was still blaming myself for my past. I didn’t forgive myself, instead I was beating myself up and hating myself for what I have done. In my eyes it was an evidence of how horrible I am.

Well, I can’t say that I haven’t changed at all. Things have changed over the years. I’m not as self hating as I was when I was 12 – 13 years old. I can even write a list of things that I love about myself and that list is gigantic (with more than 100 reasons). I wrote a list of things I hate about myself and I couldn’t come up with more than 8. But even though I have 20 times more reasons to love myself than I have to hate myself, I still focus mainly on the things I hate about myself. I’m so bothered by those few things that I don’t pay attention to any of my wonderful qualities, instead I blame myself for not overcoming those few things that I dislike.

Reasons why I hate myself:

  • I’m shy.
  • I’m afraid to express myself, to open up to people and to show my true self because I fear rejection.
  • I’m secretive and I isolate myself.
  • I obviously can’t change and it doesn’t matter how hard I try.
  • I don’t believe I can achieve anything and I see myself as less then anyone else.
  • I’m a horrible procrastinator.
  • I waste my life.
  • I’m not smart enough.
  • My life is a failure.

I now know the reason why all of my previous attempts to change myself and to improve myself failed. It’s because you can’t overcome what is inside yourself or part of yourself. As soon as you identify with something, it is you. And from that point forward, to try to overcome those things, is to put one part of you at war with another part of yourself.

I was resisting aspects of myself. I tried to avoid certain type of behavior at all costs. This type of behavior was something I strongly identified with. And because I was resisting it so hard, I kept attracting it into my reality. I was resisting myself and that is self-hate, and therefore it is self-destruction.

Now it’s clear to me why I haven’t made any progress in years and why do I still hate myself. Even though I have healed many layers of this issue, it still hasn’t been healed completely. Healing happens in layers, so to expect myself to love myself completely in just few seconds is impossible, especially if I have been hating myself for decades. Today I have reached another stage of healing. Possibly it can be the last stage, since I have just uncovered the root of my problem.

Another reason why self love seems so unachievable to me is because self love is my ultimate goal. Most of the time I’m in pain. Why did I find my way to the spiritual life and to self-help in the first place?  Because for me, happiness is not easy. For me, happiness is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just when it seems like I have found success at last, something happens to separate me from it. It drives me mad.

But why is it so? Deep down, I don’t feel worthy of happiness because I feel like I’m bad or defective. I fear that it is inevitable that the universe already knows that I’m bad and is therefore out to punish me.  And I fear that people will one day discover that I’m bad or that something is wrong with me and abandon me because of it.

So what is the solution for me? How do I finally get out of this vicious circle of self hate?

I have to stop blaming myself, stop blaming everyone or anyone. I just have to understand that I now have the ability to recognize what I prefer and what I don’t. And just because that someone might have taught me more of what I don’t prefer doesn’t mean now that I have to hold on to those beliefs if I really don’t prefer them. I did the best I could. I’m always doing the best I can.

It’s time for me to tell myself a different story, time to be a different story. I don’t have to buy into the old stories if I don’t prefer to. I am old enough to make that decision on my own.

Sorry for this extremely long post. It might have been too depressing but I wrote it the way I truly feel. I don’t expect anyone to read this anyway. I just wrote it for myself because writing about my feelings makes me feel better and I have much more clarity about what I believe to be true about myself. It helps me in my own healing process and what do I know, maybe there are people out there that may be struggling with similar issues as well.

My experience with hating my body

For a long time up until recently, I had hated my body.

While most people hate their body for its certain features, their body frame, or a disdain of their natural body type, my hatred of my body did not stem from any of that. I have always had no problem with my natural appearance, be it my body type, my body frame , my height, nor my facial features.

Rather, my hatred of my body stemmed from my inferiority of my body weight.

I had always felt that I was heavier than I ought to be. While I had never been overweight nor truly “fat” even, I had always wished that I could be lighter. I had always believed that regardless of how I looked, how many people praised me about my appearance, or how heavy (or light) I was, I would be much more attractive if I was slimmer—much slimmer.

A big part of this self-body-hate probably started when I was in primary school.

I recall sitting beside this girl in class who would regularly dissect and disparage her body parts and call herself fat, even though she was so skinny—easily one of the skinniest girls I knew.

At that time, I didn’t understand why she would repeatedly put down her looks like that. Whenever she called herself fat, I would look at myself and wonder why she would think that she is fat, for I weigh more than her.

While I did not hate my body nor think that I was fat in any way then, hearing her constant complaints planted the first seeds of doubt about my body’s integrity. It made me wonder if I was perhaps missing something about my body and that it was not as “okay” or perfect as I thought it was.

These incidents made me subconsciously conclude that being skinny is equivalent to beauty and that to be regarded as beautiful by others, I had to be stick skinny.

Subsequently, I became exposed to projected images of beauty in the mass media on a regular basis. From leggy models, to sharp facial contours, to stick-thin celebrities, these images were repeatedly projected as standards of beauty which all girls should strive for.

Of course, this wasn’t a factor of my concern back then. My only obsession was to be as thin as possible, then evaluate the results later.

To be skinny—that was deemed as a good thing. To not be stick skinny was deemed as being not ”attractive”, not “beautiful”, or even—not deserving of love.

Because I did not conform to the sticky skinny image of beauty, I harbored a deep hatred for my body. I constantly wished that I was thin, thinner than I was, or better yet, thinnest among everyone I knew.

My weight loss journey would be fraught with difficulties for my childhood was laced with emotional eating issues. I constantly ate to feed my emotions, resulting in weight gain over time despite my healthy eating efforts and constant exercising.

Because of my emotional eating issues, weight was frequently an area of contest within myself. I would constantly set goals to lose weight, only to fail one way or another. This would make me hate myself even further, for not being able to achieve my goal.

For the record, my real problem was not in losing the weight. My problem was with sustaining my weight losses, partly due to my emotional eating issues. Regardless of how much weight I would lose during each weight loss endeavor, I would regain my “excess” weight after a while, through one way or other. From gradual regains over the span of months to immediate weight regains in a matter of days, I would always regain my lost weight.

It was almost as if my excess weight had a mind of its own. No matter how many times I lost it, it would find its way to pile itself back onto my body. It was as if I couldn’t run away from it, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I learned to love my body. I just shared with you my own experience. I am sure I am not alone in this and many girls experienced the same thing. So I am here to tell you that it is  possible to love your body. I am going to share with you the process on loving your body in the next post:)

My goals

In my previous article I wrote about my life changing decision. I’ve realized that I have been living a life of constriction. And to live that kind of life is to not let the light of my being to shine through.

I’ve decided to stop procrastinating and to start living my highest potential. And I really mean it. I’m not going to try to do this. I’m committed to it 100% and there’s no going back. There will be no excuses.

When I start doubting myself or when I feel lazy, I’m just going to remind myself that I’ve been given the gift of this life. I have a great potential. I can create a wonderful, exciting life for myself. The only person standing in my way is myself. Will I make the best out of this life, or will I live my life safely…only to arrive at death safely?

I have two options. I can 1) stick to my old habits and patterns, or I can 2) develop new habits that serve my highest good.

When I choose the first option, I’m going to continue doubting myself, I will never try anything new, I won’t be able to find any new friends and make deep bonds with people, I will eventually get sick and fat, I will end up being depressed, deeply disappointed and frustrated in life. Most likely I will never marry and have children, I will have a poor payed job that frustrates me and I will die because of all the pain and sadness.

When I choose the second option, I’m going to be able to accept and love myself for who I am. I will become my best self and reach my highest potential. I will face all the difficulties like they are challenges. I will be able to conquer any fear. I’m going to have many wonderful friends and people. I will inspire people around me. I’m going to have my dream job and I will be able to help people. Most likely I will meet my life partner and we will start a family. I will be healthy and feel good about my body. My life will be a challenging, exciting and ecstatic experience.

I don’t even have to ask myself which option I prefer. Obviously, it’s the second one. I can’t believe I used to be so stupid and I did my best to end up like a person in the first option. Thankfully, now I’m smart enough to realize that I can change my life right here, right now. I’m pursuing my goals and nothing can make me change my mind or stop me from becoming my best self.

Willpower

So, at the beginning, it’s essential to set clear goals. I’m going to list my goals and I’m going to write everything that I will do on a daily basis to reach that goal: I want to be more open as a person. I want to become my true, authentic self.

  • I will share everything that I believe in with other people.
  • I will stop to tone myself down in order to be accepted by others.
  • I will be perfectly honest all the time.
  • I will stop keeping secrets.
  • I will stop isolating myself.
  • I will express my emotions.
  • I will stop trying to fit myself into a life dictated by society.

I want to develop self love and self appreciation.

  • I will live my life according to the question: What would a person that loved themselves do?
  • I will take time to do things that excite me every day.
  • I will celebrate my successes.
  • Whenever I look in the mirror, I will search for things I can appreciate about my body.
  • I will keep a gratitude journal. Every day I will list all the things I’m thankful for.
  • I will be spending my time productively and make myself proud every day.

I want to be accepted for psychology studies.

  • I will summarize one chapter from the psychology book every day.
  • I will summarize one chapter from the social sciences book every day.
  • I will be solving math problems every day.
  • I will train my logical thinking and spatial intelligence.

I want to find a part time job.

  • I will be actively searching for job options every day until I find the best one.
  • I will apply for it and do my best to be accepted.

I want to create and sell my mandalas.

  • I will work on a mandala every day for at least 1 hour.

I want to find friends and meet like minded people.

  • I will go out more and search for like minded individuals.
  • I will be more active on social sites and on my blogs.
  • I will message interesting people daily until I find someone who understands me and with whom I can share my life with.

I want to get in shape and feel good in my body.

  • I will exercise each day for at least 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon.
  • I will take a walk outside each day for at least 15 minutes.

I want to eat healthy food and stop overeating.

  • I won’t eat when I’m not hungry.
  • I won’t eat any chocolates or candies.
  • I will drink more pure water.
  • I will take vitamins every day.

I want to go to bed earlier.

  • I will go to sleep at 10 PM every day.

I want to wake up earlier.

  • I will wake up at 7 AM every day.

A life changing decision

It’s early in the morning.

My alarm goes off.

Beep, beep, beep.

I open my eyes, feeling groggy and disoriented.

Still half-asleep, I try to figure out what’s going on.

Then I remember.

Last night, feeling particularly inspired, I decided I’d get up early and go for a run before starting to work.

Ahhhh shit.

My bed feels so warm, so comfy, like a little cocoon.

I close my eyes again. I know I have to make a decision.

I can take the easy way out, hit snooze and go back to sleep…

Or take the highest road, put on my running shoes, and head out the door.

Every single day, I’m faced with countless little decisions like this one. In these moments, I have to decide between what’s good for me… and what’s easy, comfortable, safe. Individually, most of these decisions are fairly inconsequential. But together, they add up. They compound. And it’s the sum of all these micro-decisions that determines my destiny.

This month, I came down with a severe case of procrastination. Every time I sat down to work, I felt an irresistible urge to check random websites, watch some videos on Youtube, or fire up a quick episode of The Big Bang Theory. Getting myself to do any productive task was a struggle of epic proportions. No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t stop procrastinating.

But then, I’ve realized something very deeply. I’ve realized that I only have this life. And this life is so very short! Right now I am the youngest I will ever be. Time only moves forward. Soon I will be old. How am I going to feel about my life when I continue to live like this? Will I be proud?

If I continued to live my life procrastinating, I would definitely regret many things. I would regret that I was so fearful of judgement of other people that I’ve never made a deep bond with anyone. I would regret that I was too scared to take risks that I ended up living my life safely… only to arrive at death safely. I would regret that I have been ignoring my body and its needs until it got sick. I would regret that I was afraid of failing, so I never tried anything new. I would regret that I believed all my life that I was worthless and lived my life according to that, when at the end it was never true… I would have many regrets. But what would I regret the most is that I knew I had the chance to become great and I have not fulfilled my highest potential.

I have realized how short my life is so deeply that I no longer want to waste a single moment. I now know that I am fully and completely responsible for my life. There’s nothing standing in way between me and my dreams except myself. Its only my choice what do I do with this life.

Right here, right now, as I’m writing this, I’m at a crossroad in my life.

I can stick to my old habits and patterns, knowing deep down I’m not living nearly at the level I’m capable of…

Or I can use this article as a springboard towards greatness by implementing the strategies it contains.

Once I have realized this, the option to go back to the old behavior of procrastinating and avoiding my life just became totally illogical. Why would I continue to do such a thing when I know I can be great?

Today I’m making the decision to change my life in every way. I’m going to master self discipline. I will set goals and fulfill them all. I will celebrate all of my successes. I will dream big. And I’m going to become the best version of myself I could possible be.

I’m an alien in this world

Sometimes I feel like an alien in this world. When I look at how other people live, I just feel so different. I always felt different, I always knew that I was special. But since I started to work on myself and I am becoming the most authentic version of me, the more different I actually feel.

I have different values and priorities in life than most other people. I prioritise my own happiness over anything else. I follow my excitement and trust it so much that I let it control my life. Other people don’t understand my behavior. They think I must be crazy when I believe that the universe is going to support me when I do what I love.

Most people don’t think that life is fun. For most people life is a fight for survival. There is so much poverty, so much darkness, so much pain and so much separation in this world. Many people struggle their whole lifes to earn money so they can afford to live. They cant travel, they cant buy all the things they want. For most people life is a struggle and they learn to hate it at a very early age.

It upsets me that the majority of the population lives like this. I wish I could do something about it. I wish I could make people understand that life can be fun. I wish that I could make other people understand that they are not victims of circumstances, but they create their realities with their own belief systems and thoughts. The vibration of powerlessness is the most dominant vibration in our world. I hope that I will be able to change it. That’s what I am planing to do. I want to become a holistic healer and I want to help people to live happier lifes. I also have this blog and I am hoping that maybe someday because of my articles at least one person is going to have a moment of realization that they are powerful and magnificent beings.

I just wish I wouldn’t feel so alone sometimes. If I had at least one person in my life that would understand me. When I interact with people in my family and my circle of friends, no one really understands me. They think that something must be wrong with me. They treat me like an alien. I don’t like being misunderstood.

How do I meet like minded people?

Hi guys!

I need an advice from you:). Most of you who are reading my blog are people interested in spirituality. So I would like to ask you: Do you have any spiritual friends in your life? And if you do, how did you meet them?

I just feel so alone because I don’t know any like minded people in real life. There are many nice people who share my opinions here on the internet, but most of you come from a completely different part of the world. I seem to only be surrounded with people that don’t get me and have totally opposite opinions on life. I never really had a friend I could open up to fully. I have some “friends”, but these people are no real friends to me. Maybe they consider myself as their friend, but I want more. I like to build deep relationships with people. I want to be able to discuss with that person absolutely everything that is on my mind, not just things like school or work.

I am an extremely introspective, deep and complex person. I always wanted to figure out the meaning of life and I am interested in spirituality and science at the same time. I would like to have long intellectual discussions with people but most of the time we talk about mundane things like weather and how is work going. Whenever I try to have a deep discussion with someone, it just doesnt turn out like I want it to.

So where do I meet like minded people in real life? What do spiritual people casually do? Where do I go when I want to meet people like me?

I would really appreciate any advice, thank you:)