Today is April 24th – this means that in just 4 days is my birthday. To be precise, my 22th one. I can hardly believe that I’m going to be this old. Although I knew for a long time that my birthday was coming up and I’ve pondered the idea of being 22 many times before, I still have a hard time getting used to the fact that soon I’ll be 22 years old.
I wasn’t scared to reach the age of 21. Mostly because I was in a very different place in life last year. I have just gotten out of a relationship with someone who was older than me. In that year I’ve had my first relationship, moved in with that person and was planning to spend my life with them. I felt like I’ve had my life figured out for a 20 year old, therefore I felt old enough to reach the age of 21. And still, in some countries the age of 21 is the age of reaching adulthood, so I cannot be that old if in some countries I have only now become legal.
A lot of things happened in my life while I was 21:
- I went on a vacation to Thailand with my family and fulfilled my dream of visiting this beautiful country.
- I moved in with my boyfriend to our own apartment and I was excited to go through everything in life with him.
- Our relationship fell apart really quickly after moving in together and it left me devastated.
- I felt like I was back to square one, I didn’t know what to do with my life.
- I moved back to my city with my family and I’ve spent 4 months living at home.
- I got a job as a hotel receptionist and had to work long 12 hour shifts sometimes even in the night, leaving me no free time to do anything outside of work. Also it was incredibly stressful and I felt so worthless not knowing how to deal with all the customers and having so much responsibility.
- I started to learn how to drive which was one of my biggest fears. I constantly felt completely worthless for not being able to stop panicking the whole time. After every driving lesson I wanted to cry my eyes out. I felt like the instructors hated me and wanted to get rid of me. I completely failed my first test which only confirmed my fears. I then passed at the second time, but only because of the generosity of the policemen, not because I was any good.
- I’ve started my third year of university and moved to Prague to a different dorm. I got a new roommate which turned out to be the most annoying roommate I’ve ever had (and possibly anyone could have). I had to deal with her ridiculously annoying presence every day which was most of the time driving me crazy.
- I wrote my first real academic thesis which took a lot of work, but I did it well and I developed a great work ethic and at the end I’m really proud of myself.
- I’ve made the effort to leave my comfort zone and attend meetups in Prague. This allowed me to meet a lot of new people from all over the world. I have finally after many years made a friend that I can hang out with!
A lot of things happened while I was 21. Looking back at my year it doesn’t seem like the most pleasant year of my life. A lot of really unpleasant things happened that left me really sad and hopeless. Especially during the summer I felt like I completely lost my path and I didn’t know what I was doing. But now I know that all of that had to happen. I had to lose myself completely to find myself again.
During my dark times in the summer I’ve stumbled across someone online who has enabled me to see the light again. This person has restored my faith in humanity and made me believe that there are good people out there which are loving, inspiring and positive. This person has inspired me to keep going and not give up on my life just yet. I will forever be grateful for this and I’ll definitely write an article about this public figure later.
In the fall of 2016 I’ve returned to the practices of finding self awareness once again. I’ve studied Teal Swans material even further and I feel like I understand a lot more of it on a deeper level than I did before. I even attended Bashars workshop in Prague and I could ask him a question!
I have realized how important the practise of self awareness is. The reason why my relationship fell apart was because I was expecting the other person to fulfil my needs and I didn’t listen to myself, I didn’t fill up my own cup. I forgot that the most important relationship that I’ll ever have is with myself. After the break up, I was reminded that the most important person in my life is right in front of me when I look in the mirror. I’m happy that I know this now and I can make learning to love myself my number one priority in my life.